'I've got Autism' Badges. What are your thoughts please

frugallass

blue_monkey wrote: »

I'd love to know what you would think, as a bystander, if you think it would make a difference. Thanks.

I think it's a ridiculous idea - if I saw someone wearing said T shirt I would probably think it was a joke (even if it was a kid). There are ADHD t shirts (in the style of AC/DC) on the market (but not in a serious context).

If the point of wearing said T shirt is to highlight to bystanders that the child is behaving in a certain manner because they have a condition / disability then where do you draw the line? Do you 'advertise' that a child has cerebral palsy, tourettes, or epilepsy?!?

Is it because the behaviour is classed as socially unacceptable? Why feel the need to apologise for their condition - you're the one dealing with the child, not them. It's not life-threatening to either the child or the bystander so why advertise it.

I have a hearing problem but I don't feel the need to publicise this to everyone who looks at me.

Big_Melons

sandracarol wrote: »

this is a really interesting thread

I suppose I see the tshirts as a metaphorical 'ramp'

both my kids are AS and they have to work Very Very hard to just achieve the basic forms of social interaction that other kids find easy. They have been brought up to understand that their condition is not an excuse for poor behaviour. They just have to work harder than everyone else to get through the day in an appropriate manner. And I think they deserve credit for that.
If the t shirt or badge helps the people around them to understand how hard they are working, then they deserve that credit.
I suppose I see the 'labelling' as a way of cutting them some slack.
I'm not saying they should have 'different' tattooed on their forehead for the rest of their lives. But for what we know are going to be challenging situations. (new place, new people) the label takes off a bit of the pressure, and pressure makes the condition worse.

It's been painful watching my kids struggle to appear 'normal' and sometimes a label for a day or a week. can give them a bit of a 'holiday' from that pressure and help new people understand that they are not just weird or mental or deliberately difficult. (that accusation really annoys me:mad:)
The kids are doing great, and even now DD can 'pass for normal' if she wants or needs to, and DS is well on his way to achieving this.
But they strive for this not because they are ashamed of what they are, but because society expects it and if they choose to integrate with society, that is what they must learn to do.

so yeah I'm with the out and proud group.

If it polarizes the onlooker, then that's a good thing .

Make those that assume 'different' kids are somehow in the wrong, question their own value system.

And give those who want to understand a little more information.

my kids are proud of who they are and what they have achieved and those who would have them locked away at home or quietly apologized for aren't helping the situation.

Great post, I really enjoyed reading that... thank you.

I think i see things the same way as you.

blue_monkey_2

Well, I am surprised to be told that I should be keeping my son out of situations where this might arise. It would mean never going to places such the supermarket, the park, school, days out - I guess that shows the ignorance behind this condition and no, why should I have to keep my child at home ecause he does not fit in with your ideals.

LOL, anyway I think it's half and half at the moment so I am still none the wiser on my descision. I was actually talking about badges more to be honest, not so he was walking aorund with a t-shirt with a huge slogan but more so that if someone was close enough to him when there was a problem then it would explain why he was like he is. If you see what I mean. Especially when he goes up and speak to them and I have to spend every moment dreading just what he is going to come out with. A few months back DH was outside a shop and this lady walked past and my son said (and he does speak loud) 'why does that lady have a square head'. My husband cringed and tried to shush him - even more so when she stopped came back and said 'what did he say' and my son said again 'why do you have a square face?'... my husband walked off muttering sorry.

I'd love to know that I could go out and not once have to deal with him doing something that others see as socially unacceptable but it is not going to happen. And it is more a case of him not really being away from my side for a single moment really - but - he can be playing lovely to having a fit of rage for something that you might not realise within a second. This week he attacked me because he did not like the smell of dinner cooking. And I use that workd be he came at me in a hail of punches and all I could do was just reach out and shove him as hard as I could because he is very strong and very fast. I know that a lot of you who have no understanding of this condition will laugh and think I am being pathetic but he is 5 and my husband had to drag him off me as he is too strong for me to restrain once he is in that mode. I guess to those of you with 'normal' kids it does sound ridiculous but that is an every day thing for us. And of course I do not ignore it, I spend every day telling him to play nice, not to hit, and I've always encouraged him to be social but he is just not getting it. Even the kids he has at school as friends he hits, he seems to hit as a way of affection.

And no, it is not nice when in public your son hits you and you have everyone staring, or if you are having to hold down a child who is screaming like a 2 year old who cannot get his own way and yes, people do label you as a parent and yes, I am human and I have feelings and sometimes I am sick of it. Sometimes I could just cry and it is damn well embarrasing - but even if I was to give him medication (which I don't as it will not deal with the 'bits' I want it to deal with) it would not stop him being so unpredictable. So I guess I wanted to tell people why he is being like this. He is 5, I am not expecting him to be on impeccible behaviour and usually this means that I have one hand holding him all the time.

Anyway, I have to go out but I shall be back later on tonight.

However, the one thing is, for the people who telling me to hand out cards, if I am in a crowd of staring people am I supposed to go and hand out a card to each and every one of them with a smile or just deal with them all staring. The thing is, it is not a once every now and then thing it is every time we go out and yes, it is emotionally and physically draining so who can blame me for wanting to explain to people before the situation arises.

Also, yes, if my son has tourettes (which we do think he also has) and was using swear words then I would want people to know why - however, recent programmes on TV are giving more of an insight into Tourettes. Now though he just screams so people do not take as huge an amount of notice of that. I wish there would be more programmes on TV that would make people more aware of Autism and what it is like for parents and the children who have it - I certainly think it would make life easier for me if people had more understanding. And it is the lack of understanding that makes it so very hard.

duchy

Just stare back-or better still approach the starers and engage in conversation-nice conversation -and let them know our kids are "different" -with a positive spin on it.

I have removed my son from numerous places before he's completely kicked off -as parents we know the warning signs. Moving somewhere quieter and calming them down and then returning. I certainly wouldn't keep him locked away at home -but I do accept I need to supervise him more closely than an non ASD kid.

I agree it is utterly draining and demoralizing at times <hug>

sandracarol

parenting is hard enough without all the added extras caring for an AS kid involves.
You are doing the best you can blue monkey, and that is all any one can do.
I can remember crying constantly in the early days, I was just so tired all the time.
but routine helps.
and you learn to ignore the idiots (though I did end up in a punch up once when DD was only 4 and some bint gave me a load of personal abuse about her behaviour in the toilets of a department store:o)
But you need to look after yourself, and try to find the humour in the situation (I bet that woman did have a funny looking head )
and although the degrees of improvement vary. Your family's quality of life will get better.

*hugs*

munchings-n-crunchings

Hello Blue Monkey,

In an ideal world, you can see the positive of a tee shirt to give those who frown on our children's behaviour a visual clue as to why this is happening, but it's not going to have any long term effect.

Have you been in contact with your education authorities inclusion support service?
They often run training courses for parents with autism in the family.
It will help you to get together with other parents, and exchange tactics and experiences. It will give you the confidence to know you can make a difference

Although social skills might not be understood, and have little meaning to your child, they will learn if you are pro active in working towards that.
Arrange play sessions, and be really positive about good behaviour and social skills, and your child will pick up on this.
If you have a really positive approach, and keep trying different things, and expose your child to different experiences, you will see the rewards.

I have always been really open with my daughter about her AS. She understands that there are labels that are used, but key in this, is her understanding that underneath these labels, it's just her.
Now aged 13, she describes like like acting. Between the hours of 9 and 4, she has to confirm and put on a performance, and it's exhausting, but after this time, she can let go and be herself.

A book we found useful, was 'When my autism gets too big'
It helps to talk, and not hide it away, and using books are a good way of doing this.

Regards
Munchie

real1314

OP, where did I say you should never take your son out?

And to the others, where did I say he should be kept in at home all the time or locked away in prison?

It seems that some people cannot accept a view that does not fit in with their own, without distorting such a view to ridiculous extremes. A case of bullying anyone who might not fit your view? Hmm... hypocrisy alert?

OP, you said yourself that when your son got hit by another kid, you were not happy about how it was dealt with - but when it's your son doing the hitting, what happens then? That kid may have their own problems, whether from a diagnosed disability or condition?

Maybe a play gym where your son is less supervised than in other places is not the ideal situation for you or him at the moment? Key word:- Maybe - I don't know you or your son and can only post based on what YOU have said.

blue_monkey_2

real1314 wrote: »

OP, where did I say you should never take your son out?

And to the others, where did I say he should be kept in at home all the time or locked away in prison?

It seems that some people cannot accept a view that does not fit in with their own, without distorting such a view to ridiculous extremes. A case of bullying anyone who might not fit your view? Hmm... hypocrisy alert?

OP, you said yourself that when your son got hit by another kid, you were not happy about how it was dealt with - but when it's your son doing the hitting, what happens then? That kid may have their own problems, whether from a diagnosed disability or condition?

Maybe a play gym where your son is less supervised than in other places is not the ideal situation for you or him at the moment? Key word:- Maybe - I don't know you or your son and can only post based on what YOU have said.

You said that here:

real1314 wrote: »

I think if you are sick of having to apologise when your DS hits people, then you need to think again about taking him to places / situations where this is likely to happen. .

This is where you implied I should not be taking him out into social situations. Do you think these things only happen in certain places? It can happen anywhere and it could be something unforseen starting it off. The only way that this could not happen is for me to never let him out of the house.

I did not say that I was not happy with how the other child was dealt with - my son was not happy with it. He has to see justice done, so if for example someone does something wrong at school and he copies and gets caught he expects the other child to also get a punishment for doing that thing wrong - otherwise why is it wrong? That is his view of things.

He get's punished the same as any other child does if he does something inappropriate - the only difference being is that he does not learn that it is inappropriate behaviour and does it over and over again. If it continues we have to leave. Or we do not bother going in the first place. I do not pat him on the head and let him get on with it. I think this is where you can see the difference between parents with kids with problems and those who have kids that are just plain naughty - the naughty ones are ignored and left to get on with it, the kids with problems usually have a parent running behind apologising to everyone for something.

He is in social situations every day at school and the school say this is where he has problems. He also goes to a few groups after school and also to swimming, we do not have many people round as they usually only come the once but we do have friends who he has known since birth round the house. He has 2 girls look after him every day while on break times and he greets them with a punch, of course I tell him not to do it but I am not sure what happens at school, I am told that he is fine and does not have a problem yet his IEP says he finds playtimes challenging. The school seem to be coping with his behaviour more or less though.

Someone suggested I get a T-shirt with the words 'sorry' on the back. He also has not spacial awareness so you might as well not be there, if he is running along and you are walking along it'll be you moving out of the way as he does not have any idea that you are there at all.

blue_monkey_2

I've edited the title as it was more specifically the badges I was interested in and I did not make that clear.

aliasojo

frugallass wrote: »

Is it because the behaviour is classed as socially unacceptable? Why feel the need to apologise for their condition - you're the one dealing with the child, not them. It's not life-threatening to either the child or the bystander so why advertise it.

I see it more as a plea for understanding. I dont think anyone would use either a badge or a t-shirt as a method of advance 'apology'.