"Settling down"...What is it?

SugarSpun

I think settling down is the point at which you can say you're happy with who, what and where you are.

We still rent a place in the middle of the city, and since I'm a baby academic my job isn't stable enough for it to be worthwhile buying property. In any case, thoughts of living in the suburbs bring me out in a rash. But I'd consider us settled purely because of the state of mind we're in.

Pssst

miss_edith wrote: »

And is it possible to live the life you want with the person you want without succumbing to 'settling down'?
Or is it possible to 'settle down' alone?

Now we are getting to the crux of the matter.
Should there be such a concept as settling down? Should it be stricken from any dictionary?

Why cant two people enjoy their lives and be the best they can be AND have a mutual understanding with another person? Isnt settling down just an acceptance of a form of social control or indeed ,individual control,of one party by another. Usually by the female on the male?

Bogof_Babe

When you are not looking for something any more, because you've found it.

galvanizersbaby

Pssst wrote: »

Now we are getting to the crux of the matter.
Should there be such a concept as settling down? Should it be stricken from any dictionary?

Why cant two people enjoy their lives and be the best they can be AND have a mutual understanding with another person? Isnt settling down just an acceptance of a form of social control or indeed ,individual control,of one party by another. Usually by the female on the male?

I think we are getting near the crux of your matter:rotfl:

I don't think 'settling down' should be stricken out of the dictionary - it means different things to different people (as this thread demonstates) and I guess as long as it means the same thing to the 2 people concerned (not that I think you can't settle down on your own if that's what you desire) then I think that is the most important thing

GrammarGirl

My boyfriend and I have been together 7 years and live together but I don't feel at all settled down! I think buying a house, getting married and having children is 'settling down'. Still too young for that!

miss_edith

Pssst wrote: »

Now we are getting to the crux of the matter.
Should there be such a concept as settling down? Should it be stricken from any dictionary?

Why cant two people enjoy their lives and be the best they can be AND have a mutual understanding with another person? Isnt settling down just an acceptance of a form of social control or indeed ,individual control,of one party by another. Usually by the female on the male?

Its this kind of social pressure and expectation that I struggle with. Phrases like 'settling down' and 'other half' make me cringe because they signal ceasing to exist as 2 individuals and becoming one single unit.

I love my boyfriend, I want to spend my life with him, he feels the same about me but life is short and you have to do with it what you want not what society expects.
As for the control aspect, I think it can go both ways. A lot of girls push to 'settle down' (don't think I'll ever be one of them!) but once 'settled down' does it become natural for both parties to (maybe subconsciously) control the other?

Personally I think its the difference in 2 people becoming 1 unit and 2 individuals sharing a life together.

Maz

I think 'setled down' is a phrase devised by parents and foisted on their children, who want their offspring off their hands ASAP so that they can have lives of their own (again).

zimm143

I prefer the phrase "settleing up" - becuase you choose something better.

RadoJo

Settling down is whatever you make it - personally for me it is a state of mind whereby the list of things you still want to do is balanced by the list of things you have achieved. Nothing to do with relationship status or being boring, just feeling comfortable in myself and with my situation. For me, settling down meant I knew what I wanted in life, and didn't have to try everything before I could decide which option I was most likely to enjoy.
Either way, it's just a term used for the sake of convenience, it's not a form of mind control or social pressure, so I wouldn't worry about it too much!

Jei70

I think there's a difference between "settling down", which means becoming a functional adult within the society (by getting a permanent job, forming a loving partnership, becoming a parent) and just "settling", which means not fulfilling all your needs (i.e. suffering in an usuitable job or relationship).