Marriage v. co-habiting

wooble

Hi, something I read the other day and i thought it is so true.

Living together is something that you do, being married is what you are.

I just thought I would add it as it is sweet.

gatita

Hi hrafndot,

I smiled when I read your post as I am in exactly the same position as you I am also in a bit of a quandary whether to get married or not. Aren't we lucky though to have found a soul mate so late in life! I still can't believe it. My best wishes to you and I hope you find the right solution for you.

margaretclare

gatita wrote:

Aren't we lucky though to have found a soul mate so late in life! I still can't believe it. My best wishes to you and I hope you find the right solution for you.

Yes, we are all incredibly lucky, those of us who found this 'second chance' later in life than we expected.

But apart from luck, there is also the willingness to take a risk, the courage to seize an opportunity with both hands when one shows up on your radar-screen. Many people would draw back from taking such a risk: 'oh no, what if it all went wrong....'

I used to go to a different church (left there because they didn't approve of divorced and unbaptised people getting married in their church!!) and I knew some of the older widows there. They really took me to task. 'He's left 2 other women, he'll do the same to you'. 'Why aren't you content to be a widow for the rest of your life, live on your memories, if that was me I wouldn't want another man in my home and in my bed'.

There is no answer to these people! If I ever see them, they get older, look more and more miserable as time goes on, while I'm staying young at heart and happy in the knowledge that I'm loved by a good man who cares about me.

One of the best and nicest acceptances we had was from my late godmother, also a churchgoer and a quietly-religious woman. She didn't care that B had been brought up in a different religion, was divorced, and we were living together. All she could see was that he was a good man who loved me. And that really is all that matters.

Margaret Clare

Debras_Angel

I would say for peace of mind, go for it.

My dad was engaged and living with someone when he got lung cancer and died within 6 months.

I am the oldest child and was classed as his next of kin. He didn't leave a will and I dealt with his pension etc...he didn't have loads.

Anyway I could have walked away with everything and his fiance would have got nothing.

I knew that wouldn't have been my dads wish and made sure that she got the lot. If it was up to my brother and sister she would have got nothing.

Yes marry for love but you must always remember the practicals too.

I had lived with my now husband for 12 years and after my dads death decided we would get married, it was the best thing I did as for me it felt right and I was more settled. Although a lot of people say they don't feel any different!

Good luck for the future.

Debs

hrafndot

All these lovely responses.

OH is the only man I could have ever contemplated living with. I exaggerated a bit, I meant I'm old to be getting into the marriage lark, but 48 isn't that old really, just feels like it some days.

hrafndot

I cross posted with you Debras!! Yes its those awful legalities that worried me, OH wants to take care of me and I think that married makes you safer from the tax man and family members who may not wish you well. The next of kin issue has also woken me up.

It also worried me the other day when he started singing Dusty Springfield numbers to me, has he hit the male menopause?

Debras_Angel

hrafndot wrote:

All these lovely responses.

OH is the only man I could have ever contemplated living with. I exaggerated a bit, I meant I'm old to be getting into the marriage lark, but 48 isn't that old really, just feels like it some days.

OOOh dear, you're making me feel old hrafndot!!

I'm only 46 (this week) and class that as young in this day and age, however I know what you mean...I am 46 going on 26 but soemtimes the body likes to remind me.

:j Cheers Debs

Debras_Angel

hrafndot wrote:

I cross posted with you Debras!! Yes its those awful legalities that worried me, OH wants to take care of me and I think that married makes you safer from the tax man and family members who may not wish you well. The next of kin issue has also woken me up.

It also worried me the other day when he started singing Dusty Springfield numbers to me, has he hit the male menopause?

:rotfl: I imagine it will be a lot worse than singing Dusty Springfield songs when he hits the menopause.

It's not the menopause you need to worry about it's when he starts to imitate victor meldrew...now that's painful (OH is 55 and morphed into victor!).

ALthough we do both laugh about it.

Debs

hrafndot

No sign of Victor Meldrew yet, he is normally very sunny. Except when his is in the car!!!! He really worried me the other day when I tried to speak in the car. He said "don't speak, I can't think and drive at the same time".

I'm driving from now on

Dora_the_Explorer_5

Lots of lovely stories from people whose venture into matrimony turned out well. I don't know how the statistics are broken down into age groups but recently read that the chances of a co-habiting couple staying together for someting like 10 years are far, far lower than those of a married couple.
I think that marriage shows total commitment, whereas often co-habiting can sometimes have a kind of unspoken get-out clause. Clearly with the recent legislation regarding civil ceremonies for same sex couples a formal arrangement seems to be what people yearn for, whatever legal, financial, emotional reasons they may have.
OP -you're not old, middle aged perhaps but definitely not old . Women your age are still having babies, something the 'old' are incapable of.