Ex leaving Scotland for Finland

Gailo

Not sure if anyone can give advice further.
Ex is still unresponsive, or will sporadically repeat himself on emails. We have an address and a mobile number for his girlfriend who he's living with.
He hasn't sorted out anything regarding maintenance or contact, we've sent him pdf files detailing his rights and responsibilities, to be met by indifference and hostility.
He hasn't contacted us as to his sons wellbeing since skipping the country.
Despite selling everything he owned prior to leaving to give him funding abroad, and living off his partners income, he claims to have been living off no money at all since August.
For the first time today we managed to get a reply from the mobile number, only to be once again with some very nasty talk from his partner, and a refusal to let us talk to him, or to relay pertinent information we have.
Am actually utterly shocked at the way we were just spoken to, all he had to do was provide contact details (if not to us then to our solicitor) prior to or once he left the country.
Can anyone give us some guidance or help?

PlayingHardball

Gailo wrote: »

Not sure if anyone can give advice further.
Ex is still unresponsive, or will sporadically repeat himself on emails. We have an address and a mobile number for his girlfriend who he's living with.
He hasn't sorted out anything regarding maintenance or contact, we've sent him pdf files detailing his rights and responsibilities, to be met by indifference and hostility.
He hasn't contacted us as to his sons wellbeing since skipping the country. QUOTE

Gailo - You have everything you need for REMO to be involved....an address. Are you using REMO?

You ask for advice, it sounds to me like REMO is your only option. You are wasting your time trying to get this guy to take an interest in his child, he sounds like he doesn't want that. My advice is make the most of what you do have for your son (your life, his step-dad) and move on.

Gailo

Have spoken to REMO man at Scottish Office, and it confused me, he advised going through Scottish or Finnish courts, but says he hadn't dealt with Finnish courts before so was not sure how responsive they would be.
Ex is claiming he has no income, so what would a court base any maintenance be based on? Am just finding it all really confusing.
The attitude from everyone, including the CSA is give up.
We won't try and make this man the father he can't be, I kept trying to because my son wanted me to. We are trying to get him to focus on now, and the future, and all the things he has going for him.

DUTR

Gailo wrote: »

Have spoken to REMO man at Scottish Office, and it confused me, he advised going through Scottish or Finnish courts, but says he hadn't dealt with Finnish courts before so was not sure how responsive they would be.
Ex is claiming he has no income, so what would a court base any maintenance be based on? Am just finding it all really confusing.
The attitude from everyone, including the CSA is give up.
We won't try and make this man the father he can't be, I kept trying to because my son wanted me to. We are trying to get him to focus on now, and the future, and all the things he has going for him.

I said before in an earlier reply, you can't make him be a father by your description of being a father. Paying csa is not going to make him change his mind, and it seems he has no intent on paying csa, although some say fight on, only you will know when an action is next to pointless, running things as a battle only leaves losers and you all will have lost at this rate.

Gailo

Just to make it clear, I've given up on trying to make him act in a paternal way, my son is lucky enough to have myself and his stepfather doting on him. We have deflected everything from him, so he's not aware of missing out on anything.
I think I'd be a bit of an idiot if I gave up on the next ten years, or possibly eleven, of the support my son is entitled to just because it may seem pointless. This forum and site exist to help people get what they are entitled to, and until my son can put his case forward himself, I feel bound to do that.
I really wanted to hear from people who were going through similar, there are pros and cons to going through Scottish and Finnish courts, and it's hard to know which route to take, and how I ensure this never tangled mess never happens again.

DUTR

Gailo wrote: »

Just to make it clear, I've given up on trying to make him act in a paternal way, my son is lucky enough to have myself and his stepfather doting on him. We have deflected everything from him, so he's not aware of missing out on anything.
I think I'd be a bit of an idiot if I gave up on the next ten years, or possibly eleven, of the support my son is entitled to just because it may seem pointless. This forum and site exist to help people get what they are entitled to, and until my son can put his case forward himself, I feel bound to do that.
I really wanted to hear from people who were going through similar, there are pros and cons to going through Scottish and Finnish courts, and it's hard to know which route to take, and how I ensure this never tangled mess never happens again.

It seems you are trying what you can, and these processes take time, you will only feel you have won or lost if you look at it as a fight, playinghardball is going through the process (I think) so would be in a better position to share those sort of experiences, I think the conclusion will be in many months if not years, all the same good luck once again :beer:

PlayingHardball

Hiya, I think DUTR is right, months, if not years. Lucky for you tho your little lad is still very young and even if it takes years, so be it, at least you did what you could do to get support for your son, which you eventually will. I'm going through REMO on 'auto pilot' and treating it as a hobby. It really all you can do, otherwise it will get to you.

Remember, its not the REMO office you need to talk to, you need the application for REMO to be sent to you from your local magistrates court.

Chin up!

Blonde_Bint

Agreed there playinghardball. Gailo if you can go through it as playinghardball says 'on auto pilot' and treat it as nothing to lose even if it comes to nothing, then go for it.

good luck.

Kimitatsu

GAilo

I cant give any advice on REMO as so far I have not had to use them. However the only advice I can give you is not to count on the money - that way when it does come it will be an added extra rather than something which was needed.

My ex has refused to be a father to my boys for years, they are big enough to make their own decisions now and so have cut contact with him. Now of course he wants to contact them, because it gives him a hold over all of us.

As has been said, detatch yourself emotionally from the situation because you can work at it better if you do so. For me I would go through the Scottish courts because I dont speak Finnish and I have a knowledge of the laws in my country - I know nothing about the Finnish court system and getting to court appearances etc would be a nightmare. So looking at it from the outside thats what I would do - go thru the Scots courts because its easier for you, if he returns to this country to attend the court hearings then you can ask for documentation. The likelihood is that he wont in which case it will be up to the courts to find a way to track it down for you.

It wont happen overnight, just going through the CSA, I have been arguing for over 6 years, but finally we are getting towards light at the end of the tunnel.

Good luck and look after that little one of yours - he is lucky to have you

Gailo

Have recently had the CSA spring into life since contacting my MP. Well, I say life, what they seem to have done is close my case, and take the NRP's word for it that he has lived on absolutely no money since the end of August 2009, and continues to do so. From reading the cases of people in similar, but not identical scenarios, even if a person is not on Benefits, or working, it surely can't be assumed he has had no money to live off. He sold everything he had prior to flitting the UK, including a car that was still legally half mine, so was flush, we knew that at the time. His new partner works full time. so it's plain for anyone with common sense to see that he has not been supporting himself with no income.
The CSA have flipped from last week saying he should have been paying £5 a week, which is a joke, and now state he owes £0 per week.
On the phone the CSA had to have the legal system explained to them, by me, as they were clueless about court orders. Needless to say, it was Falkirk I was dealing with.
Should I appeal the decision to close the case?
Should my ex's denial that he should have paid some level of maintenance in the past 8 months be tackled in another way?
To be honest, if we were more comfortable financially right now, I'd just have given in, but with my son getting bullied at school, we have some big changes to make, and are struggling.