When your ex has the children?!!

lilmisschick

I know this could be a big debate but I just want to know what others think?

Do I have the right to say who my children can and can't be with when they're with their father or is it none of my business?

Considering he isn't the best father in the world, for example: he swears in front of them all of the time which I cannot stand, and has never been a hands on dad from the day they were born and even now when he has them, he lives with his parents again after splitting from a girl he was living with, he leaves them with them and goes in town drinking etc.... (he has them every other wkend)

Anyway, the fact of the matter is, I believe he has got back with his ex (who he was with 12 years ago before our 10 year relationship and they had a son together) and I absolutely cannot stand her either. She has always been rude to me, swears, smokes around children and also never brought my two girls a bday card or present from their half brother?!!

I can't bare the thought of my children to be around her! Their brother is lovely gorgeous boy who I am glad the girls see and I also didn't mind them spending time with the girl he was recently living with as she was completely the opposite!!

I am not jealous at all as I am get married soon and have a baby on the way with my husband to be - I just want my children to be around people who are decent, respectful and does not walk past us in town and ignore us and then want to spend time with them just to be with their father?!

Am I being selfish here?

Rikki

Unfortunately you can't.

I felt similarly when I split up from my ex and was told by my solicitor unless I knew of any serious reason I could not stop him introducing them to who ever he wanted.

peachyprice

Would you let your ex tell you who could and couldn't see?

cte1111

I think you could politely ask if your ex can make sure that people don't smoke around the children, but can't really say who or not he takes them to see. It sounds like her son has managed to grow up OK with her as his mum, so hopefully she shouldn't be too bad an influence.

LJM

i would have to echo the be polite and ask them to not smoke and mind language around your children,i have never been in this situation but if i ever was i would have the exact same worries and questions as you,hope everything goes well and congrats on getting married and babe on way

ceebeeby

Ditto on the smoking / swearing, but I wouldn't fall out with him about it (just really gently mention childrens clothes smell, or wee johnny came out with a very naughty word and you're trying to encourage him not to use words like that in case he gets into trouble at school).

Nope, unless it's someone VERY bad, then when he's got them, he's got them.

Enjoy your you time!

MummyMoo

I found this website to be quite good http://www.family-lawfirm.co.uk/Children/Parental-rights.aspx for information. Im going through something rather messy right now. I dont want me daughter to be in contact with grandparents of dad but dad lives with them (they have all assaulted me). Im scared that they are poisioning my daughter against me and today threatened to take my daughter off me.

Is he on the birth certificate? this makes a massive difference to both your rights. Im a real fathers rights advocate, but as an Early Years Professional too and a mother, I know that you must always put the childs well being first.

piratefairy

This is a good question, I'm really glad you brought it up. My other half has a daughter, sees her a few evenings a week and most of the weekend, during which time his ex has decided to "ban" him from seeing me, as she does not want me to have any contact with her daughter. However, this is a fairly new advance, as she used to be fine with it, she knew that we would all three spend time together on a Saturday, and even allowed us to take his daughter away with some friends for a weekend last year, so I don't understand what has brought on the change. Neither I nor my other half are happy with her unreasonable demands, nothing has ever happened that could explain it. However, he will not stand up to her, despite the agreement when they divorced, as he is worried that if he annoys her she will prevent him from seeing his daughter. This is putting a strain on our relationship, as we have been seeing each other for a long while and considered moving in etc. I'm not sure what to do.

barnaby-bear

lilmisschick wrote: »

Their brother is lovely gorgeous boy who I am glad the girls see and

She can't be that bad if her kid's ok perhaps when her issues with you aren't around she is ok?

lilmisschick

Thanks for all the replies!!!

I guess it looks like its because of my own reasons then in some way?!! Its just hard because as a parent, a decent one, you lose the rights to say what you do and don't want for your own children!! :mad:

I understand what you say about the fact that her son is lovely, therefore she can't be too bad a mum, this is true! However, he is alot older than my my girls and has always been exposed to her language etc... so yes he also talks out of line too, but that doesn't make him horrible?!!

I am probably more frustrated at the fact that she demanded the same things about her son and me not being allowed around him and all of the family used to say 'well its her son and she can have who she wants around him blah blah blah', until I had the girls, when she finally allowed us to all see him etc.. AND NOW the show is on the other foot- I have no choice in the matter

Grrrrrrrr!!!!

onetomany

i have with my x he wants me to not have a say in what they do,see. eat etc he can bog of what kind of parent gives that up no way am i gonna agree i had him for neally 12 years and now he wants to lay down the law, he not seeing his son at mo its gone a bit nasty but i will fight my caouse at that is he has a right to see his son but not i dont have to give acess to any !!!!!! and harry sorry about the rant i just feel strongly about it at mol