please help me im really scared

mummyofboys

Hi, I always read here but have never posted. Am really quite scared. I deal with all the finances in my house, im 22 and so is my boyfriend, we have a 2 and a half year old son. My boyfriend gets really stressed with money ect, and i used to be so good at sorting it out and budgeting until we split last year and i spent just to ease my feelings and was struggling on my own. We got back together and although he knows I got into debt ect, he doesnt know that im struggling with repayments ect. I find it so hard because I have two jobs one pays monthly and the other weekly, my boyfriends pays monthly but i find with such big rent and nursery fees going out so early we dont ever get enought back in the bank to cover it all. I feel like im going round and round with bank charge after bank charge, and i cant believe how bad it has got so quick.
To get you in the picture I dont know if this helps My boyfriend works Monday to Friday 9am till 5pm.

I work Mondays 9am till 7pm (son in nursery 9.45am till 5pm)
I am off tuesdays (My son is with my step mum 9-5 as I have my brother on wednesdays)
I am off wednesdays ( I babysit my little brother and son is with me all day)
Thursday I work 9 till 3.45 at one job, 4pm till 8pm at the other (son in nursery 8.45-5)
Friday I work 9 till 3.45 at one job, 4pm till 8pm at the other (son in nursery 8.45-5)
sat/sun off and so is boyfriend

My SOA is

Incomings
boyfriends wages £1070.00 After tax per month
My wage £968 after tax per month
child benefit 80.00 per month
tax credits £200 per month

= 2318

Rent £550.00 per month (no payments missed)
Nursery fees 416.00 per month (no payments missed)
Council tax 75.00 per month (no payments missed)
gas 55.00 per month (no payments missed)
elec 55.00 per month (no payments missed)
water 45.00 per month (no payments missed)
petrol for my dp 60.00 per month(he has company car, no insurance,tax mot ect all paid for )
landline 40.00 per month (no payments missed)
sky £46.00 per month (no payments missed)
internet 17.50 per month (no payments missed)
mobiles boyfriends is 35 per month, mine is 35. Also have 2 others on contract which i pay for 43 and 35 total=148.00 (mised payment of £120 at the moment, been cut off) IN CONTRACT WITH ALL IN SEPT
tv license 11.95 per month (no payments missed)
dixons insurance for laptops and tvs and playstation (23.99)

Loans and finance

Finance
Laptop £40.00 per month total £400, ends in September
TV £64.38 per month total off £640.00 ends in October
Catalogue 100 per month total of £700 - missed several payments equaling about 400 so got refered to nationwide debt recovery who set up a payment plan off 200 even though i stated was too high. Paid 100 last month (first month of plan) got a red letter today from wescott for the other 100 pounds.
Boyfriends catalogue £50.00 in total , 10 pound per month (no payments missed)

Loans

My credit cards
£700 in total (maxed) £50 per month min some payments missed
£200 in total (maxed) £10 per month min (no payments missed)

Boyfriends card
£1900 in total nearly maxed 50 quid left i think?50 min payment But been paying £100 per month (no payments missed)

loans

£81.17 per month to benefical finance(boyfriends loan) think total is 3grand (no payments missed)

£61.24 per month my loan over 2 year £1300 (no payments missed)

£49.77 per month boyfriends loan over 3 years (no payments missed)

Overdrafts

boyfriends and mine (joint)
£750- goes into it fully each month (500 intrest free)
nothing being repayed at mo

my single one
£2750 goes into fully each month and never tops up
payment plan of 100 per month (overdraft reduces by 59 rest intrest)

account charge each month for joint account, insurance, holidays, aa cover ,mobile fone, ect £25.00 per month (also for having 500 intrest free overdraft.

Thought I would feel better for writting it down but I dont , I feel even more upset, i feel guilty and ashamed and more to the point scared to death of admiting it all to my boyfriend as i really think he would leave me (he has said before we would never of got back together in the first place if he would of known about my overdraft and loan i got when we were split up which i hide for months,

We have been gettin on great for last 7 months and were even supposed to be trying for another baby, but with this all hanging over me i cant even sleep for worrying. please help me i feel like im drowding, i even had slight thoughts of being better if wasnt here, i just ruin everything

Hollyberry

I didn't want to read and run, so the first thing to say is well done on de-lurking and posting it all here. I am so sorry to hear that you feel more upset and guilty and ashamed. Don't forget that you have started the process of sorting it out by working out exactly where you stand.

As you know, there are lots of really helpful people on here who will have plenty of practical suggestions. I am sure they will be along later to add to your thread.

Do you have anyone other than your boyfriend who you can talk to? It sounds as though you are carrying a lot of worry and stress, and I wonder if there is anyone you can share it with? I see that you are scared about talking to him, and wondered if you might find it easier to talk to someone else first.

Lugh_Chronain

You've come to the right place jay, there are plenty of people who can help you out on here.

Start by considering these:

switch gas & electricity

find out if your paying to much for you council tax

Have you considered a water meter?

Have a look here for tips on getting cheaper fuel i.e. petrol. Have a look at Petrolprices.com also.

Consider switching your landline provider. You might want to read Beat the landline price hikes as well if it helps any.

If your not in contract switch broadband provider. You can now get broadband for £5.99/month.

Cancel any insurance you think you don't need e.g. Do you really need the Dixons insurance for laptops, TV's and playstation?

Cancel any subsriptions you think you and your boy friend don't need.

And last but not least check what benefits you might be entitled to.

Hope you don't get to bogged down by all this info. Do try and read what I've posted, take your time with it and try not to get to stressed out (easy said then done of course).

Good luck jay, I'm sure you'll sort your debt problems out sooner than you expect.

thefoolonthehill

Hi

Can you cancel the insurance payment to Dixon?

I am also pretty sure you could get a package with sky for about 35 per month that would cover Internet, TV and landline. This would save you about 70 per month.

Dont worry too much about the letter from Wescott - as you will of read on here these companies love to send threatening letters. Send them a letter advising them how much you can afford to pay each month. I would also do this with the 2 mobile phones contacts that you pay but get no service from.

October is only 3 months away and by then you will no longer be paying for the laptop or the tv so that will be another 100 per month.

I would also be open and honest with your boyfriend. I hid my debt from my partner for a long time and when i eventually plucked up the courage to tell her she helped me sort out the situation.

I dont want to get into advice with regards as to when to have a baby but with the stress of having children and the extra costs is now the best time to have another baby. You are only 22 and you could realisticly be debt free in a few years. In my opinion you would be in a much better situation to have a baby once you have cleared your existing debt

westiedog

Why dont you contact one of the charites that deal with debt-Payplan, CCCS etc . Even if it is just for advice because its the best thing I have ever done.

Im in a lot of debt and blame depression and bereavement - I have spent the money and I will pay every penny back - its gonna take a long time but who cares. Its only money. No one is ill and no one has died. If you havent got it you cant pay it.

Payplan did my soa and they are realistic about what u can afford to pay back. Most of my debtors state a DMP will affect my future credit rating. Who cares because I never ever want any debt xxx:T

supersleuth

Hiya,

Must be quick my youngest is trying to "help" mummy type lol
Are you sure you are getting enough tax credits ??
Seems low for the money you earn ????

Try entitled too . co . uk - without the gaps

Good luck and well done - it gets sooooo much better once you "come out !!"

SS

Janey3

Hi Jay.

I would cancel Dixons insurance
Lower Sky package
Landline - £40 per month - seems a little on the high side.

September and October is just round the corner, so you will have extra there.

I feel you are doing a great job, keeping it going, all on your own. Boyfriend should be told, as running a home is a joint responsibility, and not fair on you to shoulder it all. Make a spreadsheet with everything on it, and don't feel threatened or guilty that he might leave you, tell him you have done your best and now you need his support.

Janey3

Lugh_Chronain

There’s more info on what to do & where to get help with debt problems here. And this from Direct.gov.uk might help also.

Have a look at the five step system to slash the cost of digital TV and that’s including Sky. You might be able to retain currently watched channels, yet save £100s annually.

You might find the Sky Insiders Note helpful too.

the_cat

Well done for seeking help. That first step is the hardest and now you can start to get help to tackle the problem.

You have no need to feel ashamed. You have kept up to date with all the most important debts/bills. You are young, working two jobs, have a young child and have been shouldering all the financial responsibilities. That is just not fair, especially as your BF knows you have had debt trouble before. I think you really need to tell him before it becomes obvious. For example, you will def be advised on here to get rid of Sky as you cannot afford it right now. He is going to notice!

However, I would hold off telling him immediately and get a strategy for sorting it all out in place first. Being able to present at least a partial solution along with the problem may well soften the blow

In order to get maximum help, we need to know your full income and expenditure details, including food,gifts,clothes etc etc. Put all your details into the soa calculator spreadsheet on www.makesenseofcards.com and post the results here. We can then help you come up with a plan

This is sortable. Do not panic. Several of your commitments only have a very short time to run which will free up some extra money to tackle the debts and you are not behind with any of the really important stuff

Best wishes
Cat

Lugh_Chronain

Do sort your debts out first and then sort the least important things out last i.e. broadband, landline, etc. That is to say sort your biggest debts out first. What I actually mean is, sort your priority debts out first as the most important debts aren't necessarily the biggest ones.

And when I said consider cancelling any subscriptions I also meant Sky as well as others.

mummyofboys

Thankyou for all your advice and nice words. I just feel swapped I know my debt isn't horrifically bad but i just feel like Im living month to month, maxed out and worrying. Im looking forward to september, two of my phone contracts run out and i will not be replacing them. Its just hard because I used to be a stay at home mum, earning 400 per month working from home, my partner used to be on 12 grand per year plus pay for a car, yet now even though were on better wages ect, we dont have any spare, and so many debts.

I have called pay plan, do you think this is the right thing to do or am i managing my debts so to speak, so theres no point? I feel like moving back to my dads and having a few months to pay it all off, but then i would loose my lovely rented home that i have decorated and lived in for the last 3 years, my independance. everything.

I will put up my statement of affair now thanks again