Will father get every weekend visitation?

Fuzquia

A close family friend of mine has a 3yr old son to her ex. She has always wanted him to be in her sons life (due to her father not being around) and bent over backwarsd to keep the peace as he is very controlling! (he's in the military)

At the moment he gets overnight visitation every friday at 4pm until Saturday at 4pm (this was what 'he' requested as he stated he could not take the child on a saturday night) Her ex is now out the blue demanding, that if he does not get all weekend every weekend then he would take her to court for it. She feels every weekend is not fair and as her mother lives out of town, and works out of town, this would mean her family would have very little to no contact. Over and above her family though (as I know both parents come first) she wants to have quality weekend time with her son so they can actually do things together. So again she has tried to compromise and sugggested that they have every other weekend each. This suggestion did not even get a reply from his lawyer. She has just recieved a notice of a court date set for him to request every weekend.

The child is in nursery during the day and as any parent will know, although she loves bathing him etc, dinner/bath time is not really 'quality' time. And he goes to bed at around 7.30/8pm. She has just finished a college course and is effectively now unemployed. So she is scared that as she now has the child all week that he will indeed win every weekend visitation. But as she is currently looking for work and trying to find freelance work (she is a photographer), that when she does find a job she will have very little time with her son.

Does anyone have any experience of such a situation? Is it normal for a father to be granted every weekend visitation? Any advice greatly appreciated...

Mrs_P_Pincher

Personally I think he would be very lucky to get every weekend, especially if Mum is saying she is happy for him to have some contact. I would have offered him alternate weekends, but the fact that his solicitor did not respond to that may say more about the attitude of his client than his own view. Your friend needs advice from a solicitor she can get on well with and trust. I would have thought that as this is now contested she should be able to get legal aid.

Look for a solicitor who is a member of an organisation called Resolution - they are committed to amicable resolution of family issues.

Good luck

Mrs P P

Dinah93

I think its unlikely a court would agree to this, provided she is a fit mother then she should also have the right to quality time with their son. Can dad not take him an evening or two during the week?

Fuzquia

Yes she has a lawyer now who says it is impossible to say either way, so just thought I would see if anyone has went through this before. She did say that as he is in the navy he is highly regarded in a court of law. Why I don't know, are we not all equal?, but understandably she is in a terrible state about this.

Her lawyer did advise that a judge will not be happy about the way he is demanding without negotiation, but again this depends on the judge on the day. I just feel so sorry for her. She is still under the control of him and feels she can't win no matter how hard she tries. It just seems he doesn't really care about anything other than breaking her. It's sad to see people act in such a way. And they split up because he cheated? You would think it would be the other way round!

I am a guy and it really angers me that guys like this ruin it for the rest of us!

a8amg

Don't worry, no court would grant all weekend, every weekend, not unless you wanted it too.... the most he can hope for is All weekend every other weekend.

In fact, I think its your time to be controlling, Tell him what you want it to be. Also tell him that failure to collect him at the correct time and place will jepardise future visits, as you too have a life and pre planned social commitments.

Being a military kinda guy he should know how to follow orders.

Fuzquia

Dinah93 wrote: »

I think its unlikely a court would agree to this, provided she is a fit mother then she should also have the right to quality time with their son. Can dad not take him an evening or two during the week?

This was offered at the beginning (approx 1 yr ago). He asked approx1yr ago to take the child to football training on a monday night. She thought this was too much as the child had just turned two at the time. However she said she had no problem giving visitation, just not to football training as she thought he was too young. He took a huff and told her to shove it basically. So nothing more has been said about midweek since. But yes she is quite hapy for him to see his kid during the week.

Fuzquia

a8amg wrote: »

Don't worry, no court would grant all weekend, every weekend, not unless you wanted it too.... the most he can hope for is All weekend every other weekend.

In fact, I think its your time to be controlling, Tell him what you want it to be. Also tell him that failure to collect him at the correct time and place will jepardise future visits, as you too have a life and pre planned social commitments.

Being a military kinda guy he should know how to follow orders.

Hi thanks for your advice. But she is def not the controlling type! She is tiny and weighs just under 7stone and he is quite a bulk of a guy. This is why I am trying to help her out. He is an officer in the navy and bosses people around all day long. I think he gets a kick from it.

And pickup/drop off times are a whole different ball game. He has caused so much bother that she has had to move home and now meet in a public place. She has sat for anything up to an hour after the collection/drop off time on him. He just tries to cause stress/bother!

a8amg

I am speaking from experience, she has the upper hand, she just doesn't know it.

"Highly respected in court" Any judge will put him in his place if he demands anything....

All your friend has to be is reasonable......... and it will go her way!

Fuzquia

a8amg wrote: »

Don't worry, no court would grant all weekend, every weekend, not unless you wanted it too.... the most he can hope for is All weekend every other weekend. .

This is what I thought, and had heard in the past. But you can't believe everything you hear I suppose! Since the lawyer has said it is impossible to know either way, she is a bit of a state now worrying about it. Thats why I was hoping someone had experienced a similar situation, but every case is different too i suppose...

Fuzquia

a8amg wrote: »

All your friend has to be is reasonable......... and it will go her way!

Well she def is reasonable in my eyes. On the day of the court case she will offer (what she has already) every other weekend and midweek visitation. Fingers crossed she will not have to lose any more than that!

a8amg

Even though she maybe tiny she has to take control of the situation otherwise he will. As long as he's not physically abusive, then she should set the rules.... If he is physically abusive, then let the Police/Courts set them


She should Not wait around for him to pick up.... 10mins either way is reasonable.... then make sure shes not in, for him to pick up...

Also just tell him its going to be every Other weekend from now on, and make sure she isn't in at a 4pm pickup time, thus avoiding any abuse.

The court will not award Every weekend.... not unless she agrees, sounds like he's getting some real stupid advice.