family - feh! who'd have 'em!

paulies_nixie

Okay it's not a week of engagement and the family are already sticking their oar in.

We had one family member with a campsite who said yeah no problem have your marquee here will be fine.
Only to change their minds.

MIL2B flapping about all of it and trying to arrange I dont know what, she called at 8:30am on sunday to talk about it. The wedding wont be until 2011.

my mum trying to convince us to get married in a totally seperate county in a village hall I've never been in - ummmm I want a medieval style wedding with a banquet etc - not a dogey disco in a run down social club like me sister (Not all disco's are dodgey and not all social clubs are run down - I know it could be lovely but little sis's wedding sorta haunts me on this one)

on top of that there's no hotel venues that will take that date.

Okay ALL CHANGE. Looks like my nice solid date is outta the window, as is where I want to get married.

So how did you keep the family "help" to a minimum?

When I got married before I never chose the cake, the venue, the music, the flowers, the dress - hell even the hair dresser wouldnt do my hair the way I wanted. This time it's OUR day. I dont want anyone to spoil our vision. But jus how do I achieve that???

ta

Nix

busiscoming2

If you are paying for it all yourselves then you should have the input and make the large desicions. Perhaps a way round 'the family' interference (only wanting to help!) is to give each mother something to focus on: Finding coloured tablecloths or suppliers of particular table gifts etc.

When we got married (2nd time for me) we arranged it all, his mum bought his suit, my mum arranged the flowers. But we did do it all very simply and it cost much lss than £2000.

LabLover

I know how you feel ive been engaged for just over a week aswell and my head is buzzing with it all. I naively thought that you got to enjoy a few MONTHS of being engaged and just flashing your diamond around and dropping "My fiance " into conversation but aparantly not. I had my sister on the phone for 2 hours the other night trying to hint as to what BM dress she wants . As soon as someone hears that Ive gotten engaged the first thing they say is " oooo lovely whens the big day? "
I havent even thought that far ahead , so people have me panicking about things that I hadnt even given a second thought about.
Ive got FIL to be pushing wedding cake books under my nose , dont get me wrong Im dead chuffed he is making my cake , but 2011 is far enough away not to be worried about it !!!
I think its difficult because altho people say its your day and your supposed to enjoy it , you have lots of different people to please aswell, I think maybe compromise is the only way forward , its only 1 day in your life. Im more looking forward to becoming Mrs M -T and saying my vows to my OH and meaning every word of them and having my family there to support.
Ive rambled on a bit , but you have very strong ideas about what you want and thats great but your family probably dont even realise how annoying there "helpful" suggestions are. Maybe sit down with them and tell them EXACTLY how you want the day to go and as an other poster said give them tasks , that way they are still helping but not deviating from the plan. Hope that helps if you not then you can join me on my nervous breakdown , lol
LL X

MrsAnnie

Graciously say, 'Thank you very much for that suggestion. I will take it under consideration. If I need your help and advice closer to the date, I will be sure to ask.'

nat82

Just get on with doing stuff and don't tell them! We had people sticking their oar in as well. My mum had negative opinions on EVERYTHING! In the end we cancelled our wedding and arrangged it the way we wanted with 8 weeks to go. Basically just said "this is the way we are doing it, we don't care what you think!". Definately nip it in the bud just now or else it will get out of control!

What is it with weddings and interfering relatives?!!!

lindaatno9

Yes, and don't be fobbed off with the excuse, "But we just want the best for you." If they wanted the best they wouldn't be sticking their oar in.

username456

We arranged as much as we could before telling people (a few friends knew, but no family) so we'd booked the date, booked the village hall, arranged flowers and cake and I bought my dress before both sets of parents knew we were getting married! We're lucky as the majority of people have been really supportive and just said if there is anything we need help with, let them know, with only my dad pulling his face (and that's before I've told him I'm inviting only one uncle (not from his side) and immediate family (as I have more friends) and that my mum will be giving me away), but to be honest I'm pretty torn up about if I want him there or not.

Mrs Annie has it right - just say 'thanks for you suggestions' and go ahead and arrange what you want. It is yours and your partners day and you should have it as you want it to be. If they start moaning ask them calmly if your plans for your day are going to upset them, do they want to actually come? - This usually stops people in their tracks.

kelda_shelton

lindaatno9 wrote: »

Yes, and don't be fobbed off with the excuse, "But we just want the best for you." If they wanted the best they wouldn't be sticking their oar in.

Linda! You always make me laugh!!

clearing_out_my_pockets

We've told OH's parents that we're concentrating on buying a house first as MIL2B was driving me mad saying that "all of the venues near us get booked up 2 or more years in advance". I've found three that don't. So we're not telling OH's parents until it's been booked.

*Louise*

Tell them your theme - if their ideas don't fit in then the phrase 'that's a lovely idea but it wouldn't match/work/be suitable'

People just want to help out really - give them little jobs to do and let them get on with it.

Yellowbug

the only thing that is annoying me at the moment is that everyone keeps saying im not organised enough, and i need a list to get everything done otherwise i will forget stuff, and its going to be a nightmare to do in such little time etc etc etc
honestly i am quite capapble of doing it all lol and i am easily the most organised person I know, they may drive me insane with their lists, but at the moment im trying to just laugh it off and carry on with doing it my way