Giving but never receiving

oystercatcher

I think you should give because you want to give, not to give something in return. If you feel fond of these people then send presents. If it doesn't bother you if you drift apart then don't bother.

I think it would be nice for your son to keep in touch with his half siblings. I doubt he will actually notice that you send presents and he doesn't recieve, unless you point it out. Children don't think like this!

I am rather disorganised at times and often forget to send cards and presents. This doesn't mean I don't care though, it just means I am disorganised!

*Louise*

I think you should continue to send cards (although I would give up with the presents, save your money - unless of course they call or write to say thank you?) 'Something' tells me they probably don't.... :rolleyes:

That way you keep the lines of communication open, whilst knowing you are doing the right thing. They can continue to be ignorant if they want, that's their choice.

pickle

Maybe next time it's his birthday you should send formal invitations (without telling your son) and say it's a family party. That way they'll have it drawn to their attention. If that fails then forget them.

sfry

Why not give the money you would have spent on a present to a charity then put a note in the card telling them that a charitable donation has been made in their name.

Jet

Thanks for the replies. I think I'm going to send cards but not bother with presents, I do feel a bit bad that this child doesnt' get a present and the others have but then I remember that this Mum didn't remember my son's birthday or Xmas either.

And it's a good idea about the party - maybe I'll do that next year.

TheBex

This is really sad, I'm sorry to hear you're having this trouble.

You could try remidning them "gently" by ringing a week before your boy's birthday or sending them a note with some inexpensive things he might like for Christmas ("I know you've just had a baby so I've enclosed a list of small items your brother would like.")

If they still don't get it when you're being polite but blatant, ask their Dad if you've got the address or phone number (whatever) right to give you an opportunity to politely drop them in it. He might even take it upon himself to remind them in the future..?

Good luck!

Jet

I'm really not bothered about presents, but just a card or even a text to say that one of them remembered. :-(

I suppose they've all got each other and their Mum to remind them of each others bithdays.

And yes, my ex, should be reminding them of our sons birthday but as he rarely remembers any of his childrens birthday's I don't think they would take kindly to that even if he did.

TheBex

Iw as thinking you could use the present list just to remind them to send a card... Sorry, I didn't quite accross how I wanted to.

Could you have a word with their Mum and ask her to remind them of their brother's birthday?

Susan_Frost

I think you are trying to make a relationship which just is not there, unfortunately - it does take two. You were not there at the beginning of their lives, and as you are no longer with their father then they obviously feel their relationship with you was not close enough for them to want to continue. Not your fault, you obviously have tried to bond with everyone, but that's how it is.

I feel for you regarding your son, you want a family relationship for him. Maybe just build on the current friends and family you have of your own. Perhaps one day you will meet a good man, who will be a great dad to him, and you will find the family environment you want.

Keep sending cards if it makes you feel you have done the right thing, or what gives you pleasure. But asking them to parties, etc. just will not work. They have already indicated to you they do not want such a close relationship and you will only be hurt again.

Build a new life with your son.

chatnoir

how old where thery when they became step?
I have 3 step sisters and 2 step brothers, i was the youngest when we were put together as a family...the rest where teenagers and older....I send them cards etc but I do not get anything back...I think its because they where older and resented the fact that this new family have moved in and taken over where as I was at a nieve age where I was just excited about having "brothers" & "sisters" sadly it hasn't turned out that way, and they don't just ignore my birthdays but my mums also!
keep doing what your doing and when your son is old enough I think he will undersatnd the situation and he can then make the decision whether to send cards or not.