Giving but never receiving

Jet

I have 4 ex step children who are grown up, 2 of which have had babies in the last year.

I have always remembered their birthdays and them at Christmas if only with a card, this is far more than their father has done (my ex husband).

They are, after all, my only child's brothers and sisters. However, I have never had a card or a present for my son (their brother) and although they have asked when his birthday is, he never gets so much as a card. One of his sisters took him out for the day once a few years ago.

When each of the girls had their babies last year, I went to see the local one when we were invited and took a little present, I posted the one who lives a few counties away a present for her baby too. Neither of them thanked me or my son.

I think my son was very excited to be an uncle at age 10, but seems a bit disheartened by it all now as he doesn't get to see them. I do text them now and again but although they reply, they never initiate contact. I'e made it very clear they are welcome at our house anytime.

Anyway, I have just found out that ex step daughter number 3 has also just had her baby and I've just text her to say congratulations etc. I intend on sending a card and present but a bit of me thinks I'm being a bit of a mug.

Don't get me wrong, it won't be anything extravagant, but I'm a little tired of my son being forgotten about. Should I just leave them to it and let my ex deal with it all (their father) or should I just carry on as I have been, and giving because I want to?

Any

I understand why are you still trying to keep in touch - for your son, to make sure he still have brothers and sisters.

But it doesn't look like they are interested in him what so ever and pushing him onto them is not going to help (I know you are not pushing, you are doing it nicely, but you know what I mean).

I personally would stop with all this. And let him forget about them. This way you keep reminding him he has brothers and sisters who are not interested in him.

If your ex wants all his kids together one day, he should deal with it.

MissShoes

Feel for you- you're clearly trying to do the right thing. COuld it be mentioned to them that they forgot his birthday, in a casual/light-hearted way? Perhaps they've all got a lot going on and he's been accidentally forgotten? If you don't get anywhere with that tact, ask yourself where you're getting yourself by continuing contact? The last thing you want is for your son to feel rejected or unwanted?

Shoes

xx

pinkshoes

I think it's nice that you send cards, even if they don't.

A Quote: "Do to others as you'd like them to do for you"

Just because they don't bother sending cards back, doesn't mean you have to stop. Maybe they're just disorganised? Personally I'd just keep on sending cards, although not bother with presents.

Jet

pinkshoes wrote: »

I think it's nice that you send cards, even if they don't.

A Quote: "Do to others as you'd like them to do for you"

Just because they don't bother sending cards back, doesn't mean you have to stop. Maybe they're just disorganised? Personally I'd just keep on sending cards, although not bother with presents.

That's exactly as I've always seen it, but now I'm having doubts.

MissShoes

Jet wrote: »

That's exactly as I've always seen it, but now I'm having doubts.

So carry on with the cards and have a word IF you get an opportunity. In the mean time, focus on your son and giving him all the lvoe he needs. Trust me- he won't feel like he's missing out!

Shoes

xx

Emmzi

my mum used to send xmas presents to all her mates kids.

one year she only sent to those that said thank you.

She got thank you notes from kids to whom she hadn't sent anything that year!!! most odd

If there is no appreciation, squish the generosity. CArds are fine. I might leave your son out of it, he can go find out himself what they are like when he is older, if he wants.

lostinrates

could you invite them all to a meal or something, rather than saying drop in anytime? If you invite and specifically say that your son loves them and misses them?

Even as adults, children involved in ''new'' fmilies sometimes behve a bit childishly. I give and don't receive gifts to my sibling in laws. My reasoning is I doubt they remember (as well as being a bit selfish and rude ) but I do, therefore, its me that will feel bad, and I don't really want to feel I haven't acted to my best capability.

belfastgirl23

I think you're doing a lovely thing. And it isn't about the people you are sending the gifts to, it's about/for your DS to keep him in touch with his half sibs. He's very lucky to have you. I'd say keep it up

chardonnay_2

how about having a birthday tea and inviting them all round near / on his birthday. no excuse for no card, pressie etc.

otherwise just keep in contact by text or email and don't waste your money on cards.

blackcoffee

I have a very close friend who has an 11 year old step sibling. they were 25 when sibling arrived, and dont feel any need to maintain a relationship with this child, they do not feel any need to have a brother/sister relationship, however i know the mother does and encourages a relationship to form. its falling on deaf ears, but she hasnt given up.

The mother of step sibling like you however regulary sends cards & presents to them and thier children, but they dont return any thing. I think it is very kind of you to remember, but dont do it for the sake of your child, its obvious they like my friend are not interested, do it because you want to, you after all were part of thier lives for a time.

I wouldnt go over board on pressies, maybe just send cards in the future. you cant say you havnt tried. I know its upsetting for you, but i know in my friends case, they say its a generation Gap just too big.

xx