Partners child now 16

watsonnicole1

Hi All,

This is probably gonna turn into a rant but hey ho :rolleyes:

History:

My OH has 2 boy's from a previous marriage now (14 & 16) When I met him 4 years ago he had a private agreement with her that he paid her £400 four weekly cash for them, When we moved in together she got really snotty and put a claim in with the CSA saying he had not paid her a penny for over 12 months :eek: Obviously as he used to give her £200 cash every 2 weeks (which was at her request).. Anywho the CSA took about 4 months to sort this out but in short he had no leg to stand on as he had no proof he was also at the time paying his half towards their £800 mortgage while it was up for sale and while the bloke she'd been having a 3 year affair with was living there! :mad: in short CSA made him pay £800 a month for 8 months (due to the arrears) & then it went down to his normal payment of £421 a month which he pay's every single 4 weeks (this amount comes out of his wages)

Now, We are forever buying his 2 kids clothes, shoes & trainers as she point blank refuses to buy them just the other day we had to spend £120 on items for them because they always look awful! I don't think she has brought them a item of clothes since I have been with him. We had a note shoved through the door the other day with a list of things the youngest needed for his new school uniform totalling £240 odd! No, they won't just have a 'normal' pair of school shoes being teenages they need a £100 pair! Now I would never mind going halves for these things but I am so annoyed that yet again we are paying the price for it when she gets all this money from him. We know for a fact that her new husband is self wmployed and diesn't declare his income so only pays his ex wife £30 a week for the 3 kids he has with her!

Anywho.. For some strange reason this month the CSA have only deducted £205 out of his wages We have no idea why and they have not sent us any letters or anything, His eldest has just left school in May after doing his GCSE's but will be going onto college so we assumed his part of the payments will just continue, Do you think they've stopped his entitlement untill she proves she's gone onto higher education?

We have just had her screaming on the phone "Where's my money, I'm coming round to get it etc" When we have basically told her to do one and to call the CSA she is now threatening to tell them that the 2 kid's don't stay here for their full entitlement i.e 104 days a year, Now they do but sometimes they don't want to come everyweek as they have plans and his eldest hasn't been now for 6 weeks as he is always at his girlfriends, They stayed here for 4 weeks at the beginning of the year becuase she kicked them out but the CSA still made him pay money and refused to do anything about it unless the child benefit was swapped over (we were hardly going to start messing with that knowing they weren't staying forever) So there was 28 days just in Feb! When his oungest was here the other night he passed comments that his brother was practically living at his girlfriends and has not been home for over 5 weeks, It really gets my goat that we pay her money for him and he's not even there! I'd rather give it his girlfriends mum!

The last contact OH had with the CSA was asking what he needed to do when our baby was born (next month) which they just said they'd re-assess at the time.

He's tried to call them a number of times, But he always just gets someone telling him his caseworker is either busy, on the phone, not in & he'll be called back! Noone ever calls back.. He's due to be paid again in 2 weeks and I am betting they'll just take the missing £200 ontop of his usual amount, We've kept by the amount they haven't took but it's principle! How on earth can they just pick & choose how much to take? :mad:

Did anyone actually get what I was trying to ask?
If not, Whats the deal with when a child turn's 16 and can she really start saying they are not here for their full 104 day's? We can't force them here and if you add them up for extra days they are here it still works out at that, But like she say's; "prove it" Also can we do anything about her eldest which is always at his girlfriends? Youngest say's he had a row with the step dad and hasn't been back since or spoken to any of them.

Aaaah I feel better

cozzie

Until someone with a bit more knowledge comes along, all I can suggest is that you keep ringing them. Tell them that you have rang numerous times and want to speak to a manager (my OH has been told that caseworkers don't exist anymore as the workload is too great to justify it - and many other things which are actually their job!) Make sure that you keep a note of every conversation, whom you spoke to, their title and with what the conversation was regarding. Detail every promise of a call back etc etc.

I know that it's not the best way to communicate with them, but, if you need to find something out asap just keep asking to be moved up the food chain (so to speak) until you get someone that actually has an inkling of what they are talking about rather than the 'plebs' (what we call them) at the bottom of the pond who just seem to be there to fobb you off.

The moment anything gets confirmed over the phone, ask for it in writing, if they argue the toss then just ask them if the conversation is recorded and can you have a copy, they will probably say no to this. Then ask if you can record the conversation, they WILL say no to this, that's when we normally re-request that anything confirmed be sent in writing.

HTH for now. Keep your chin up and you are more than allowed to be (a tad) righteous in knowing that you ARE doing right by the children.

Blonde_Bint

lol. A good rant is good for the soul, best to have a screamin fit on here than at your PWC no repercussions that way see:D

lol. when my step son (my NRP's child) was younger, NRP used to sometimes say, 'he looks like worzel f*c*in gummidge" remarkable similarity some days:rotfl:

lol. my PWC used to go mad, forgot this, sometimes he looked so bad my husband used to give me money and let me get him clothes and cut his hair:D . He looked lovely when I finished. He was alright about it but he moaned when I forced him to have a shower:D but he let me pick any clothes and shoes I wanted. PWC used to go mad when he went home at the end of the weekend. she shouted, she was furious, dont get it, he came back with more clothes and she didnt have to pay for a haircut either because I did it. thems the good bits picking all their stuff, my daughter wouldnt let me choose her clothes since she was about 5 what a difference between boys and girls. lol.

Just keep paying the woman and smile its not forever

Kelloggs probably passing through soon. she'll set you straight.

cozzie

PS - are you assessed under CSA1? If so then a section of what is paid would be a carers allowance which SHOULD finish when the youngest reaches 16 and drop in increments at certain stages before then. My OH has been told that this is not automatically done and a reassessment has to be done for this to be implimented and you can only get a reassessment if there is a dramtic change in circumstances - apparently.

watsonnicole1

Hi all,
Many thanks for your replies, Your right a rant on here is better then at her She'll be no doubt knocking the door come 6:30 when she knows OH will be home as she said she wants her £200 and is not going untill she get's it! She's a little loopy like that!

Blond Bint - I know what you mean, OH pay's for their hair to be cut all the time I don;t think she has ever gone and had them done... That's here nor there as it's only £7 each but the fact remains that she would just never do it. Last year we said we'd buy their shoes and she had to buy their school uniform and she said no, We thought we'd wait it out and try and play tough... They went to school on their first day back in last years stuff (bar the shes) OH went and got them new uniform the next day. Same goes for school trips etc, She won't pay for them we do else they don't get to go.. Same goes for their bus pass.. If we don't get it they have to talk to school (which is about a 20 minutes walk) Their pass experied once while we were on holiday for a week and she made them walk to school for 4 days untill we got back & then had the cheek to call him & have a go :mad:

Thing is, The CSA always used to say to keep receipts and send them to them but they never do anything with them, We sent them £150 receipt from BHS for their school uniforms a few years back and £198 receipt for the shoes and they sent them back basically saying they could be anything Admitadly the shoes could of been but the BHS receipt had school shirts £20 ect on the blooming receipts! They are useless!

Cozzie - I'm not too sure what plan OH is assessed on, It's been going for about 3 years so not really sure, I did once read about getting a reassesment under new guidlines but I don't actually think he's been reassessed for a bit and he does get a 1% payrise every year so we'll end up having to give her more money if we ask. I would think though that when the baby comes they will redo it on the new one?
OH has today alone called them 4 times and always gets fobbed off, he's called at least 15 times in the past 2 weeks, Thing is he gets 2 different names of his 'caseworker' a Carole & a Alan :rolleyes: One woman said if you paid too less we'll contact you anyway.. Yeah like in 6 months telling us we owe them £1000!

I've even sent 2 emails with no reply other then the standard "we've got your email"

CSA should be called "COUNT on STRESS ASSOCIATION"

kelloggs36

Try one more time and then go to your MP and ask them to get involved on your behalf. Has hubby's income dropped at all recently which means that they can't take the full amount? That is what usually happens unless they have reassessed. What that means is that whilst the full amount is due, the protected income means that if they take the full amount, it would leave him short, so they can't take it all.

Only receipts for things paid during the initial payment period (ie when they are working out the assessment first time around) can be offset against maintenance due.

cozzie

Can we turn this into a 'rant' thread pls?

What an awful evening the OH has just had....

His son turned 16 the other day, but, was unable to meet with him to collect his pressies etc. so, the OH posted the cards through the letterbox, (pressies too big). He went round this evening to try again and was confronted with the mother (PWC) who was polite, albeit abrupt initially. Then, out of nowhere, she started screaming about how he was going to hit her, how she was sick of his threats and violent attitude and then slammed the door in his face.

Have since discovered that she had half of her family and his/their daughter in the house listening to every word (unable to see any of it though). And just to top it off, his youngest child (not hers) was sat watching in the car and is completely taken aback by her actions - All he wanted was to see his brother whom he has seen twice in the past 15mths. The poor soul has enough to deal with for a 10yr old through his own mother's manipulations.

Would seem that everytime we makes a breakthrough with the children and they start to talk with him/respond to txts etc. she pulls some crazy stunt like this and we've all HAD to take a squillions steps back and start again.

Why do they do this, what do they gain from such sick stunts and do they really not think that the child will never take the opportunity to hear the situation from the other side at some point, therefore being able to put 2+2 together for themselves?

Just wanna cry.

iluvfreebies

Hey OP
Firstly I would advise that you do keep the extra that wasn't deducted
If the PWC makes contact just keep telling her to contact the CSA - At the end of the day it was her decision to use the agency so she should have to deal with them and not your partner.Same goes for her shopping list - thats what maintenance is for!!!
With regards the shared care - If you keep a note of all the dates that the children stay with yourself - If she asks for this to be looked into then what you would be asked for is the total nights the children have stayed overnight with yous so the most info you have the better.
As somone else said you really need to find out what happened with this DEO -incase it was an error on the employers part and they deduct the shortfall this week. Can your partner check with his payroll?
Just thought i would mention as well when your new baby (congratulations) is born make sure and tell the csa as soon as possible as the change is backdated to the date the change is reported

Hope this helps anything else please just ask - Chin up eh

watsonnicole1

Oh Cozzie - It's a real pain hey? We have all those same problems, Everything goes quiet for a few months they come around regulary etc and then she just has a voilent outburst! We kept the fact we were pregnant from his kid's for 5 months (untill i could not longer hide it) Because we knew just how much trouble it would cause, & as predicted world war 3 broke out (infact I think we're on about world war 50)

Last night was a total nightmare, She was around at 6:45pm screaming, shouting, crying all our neighbours were out.. It was so embarrasing.. She was telling all our neighbours that her kid's have no food etc. She is a total loonatic! She is probably on more money then us, She recently got a full time job her new hubby is on £500 a week and pay's hardly anything towards his kid's.. Obviously I know nothing about their situation but being as though she pulled up in a brand new A4 I doubt things are that bad! In the end we had to call the police to get them to move her as she was threatening to put bricks through our car windows (she's done it before, so we weren't gonna risk it)

Kellogs - Nope he's not had any drop in pay.. He's contacted his HR who said they will look into it but they say the CSA inform them every month of how much to pay.. Is that how is works? We'll soon see in 2 weeks time when they take extra I guess.. Can they just take the extra without telling him?

Freebies - We will be keeping the money aside as I know it's got to get to her somehow but as bad as I might feel that she hasn't got her full amount she couldn't be trusted to have it paid any other way to her other then through the CSA.. & like you say it was her choice, (even if to get more money out of him!)

I'll be getting him to call as soon as the baby is born but I can't help but think telling them will make them reassess him & he'll end up paying more, which is fine but it will just mean all their "extra's" will have to stop as we just won't be able to afford it with the new baby and I will be stopping working for a year so we'll be loosing £15k as it is (i'm self employed so no MA.. Well £110 a week)

Is anyone any good at making calculations as to what you pay? I don't think their website does it correctly as it always comes up with less then what we pay anyway...

Blonde_Bint

My god, can I just say that you 2 are describing all the things that used to happen to me and my OH for many years. When I was living in it I used to think no one else lives like this. the screaming and shouting, the police pulling up at the door, neighbours doing the curtain twitching thing, the endless lies (which you cant prove are not true).

I am currenty in the midst of a much needed lull in my particular storm, we havent had any lies no calls to the police and we havent been taken to court for over a year and for us that is good going. I'm gonna give myself a beer I deserve it :beer:

Can I ask, the last time we were in court (this is funny wish i'd gone with the NRP now) the Judge went mad at her, lol. She was contradicting herself (just every time she opened her mouth:D) and in the end after getting sick of telling her this the Judge then said that he wanted her to speak only through her solicitor as he was beginning to think every word out of her mouth was a lie :rotfl: (words something to that effect) now what i'm wondering is, when summing up or whatever you call it, the Judge said that in his opinion he couldnt see any point to the case as she had nothing to gain and all he could see was that she was costing the NRP money because she had legal aid (and he didnt) , the Judge noted this, and he also said that he was revamping or redoing her legal aid. I wonder if this has anything to do with why we havent been to court?

Can a Judge stop someone getting legal aid?

cozzie

Your PWC sounds just as charming and manipulative as ours. I was up until 7am fretting about it all, but, there is simply nothing that we can do except put up with it, remain calm and hope that the truth will out, (sooner rather than later though please, this is soul destroying stuff).

Know what you mean about the online calc, their online calc actually makes us £20pw better off. We could complain and be changed over to CSA2 (another of their errors), but, would rather not rock the boat any more than we have to, there have been enough mistakes to last a lifetime (and write a lurvely article for a newspaper no doubt). The more you expect or ask from the CSA, the less you actually get from them and just leave yourself open to bigger and better mistakes on a regular basis.

CSA1 calculations must be too complex to build a calc for. I did find an article telling me how to work it all out and where to get the correct figures from. I even managed to come up with some figures, (protected income etc), but, none of them the final maintenance amount. I shall be an expert in no time - shame it's not what I'm studying, I would be getting fab grades lol.