Partner treating kids unfairly

cyclingyorkie

i've never been in this situation...but I have seen my sis work her way through these sorts of issues...

in your message you commented on the day that you'd argued and you'd retired to the garden and I was a bit worried by his comment that he'd enjoyed you not being there!

What are the dynamics like between the kids? Does your son get on reasonably well with his boys? How do you get on with his daughter? Is she excited about the baby you're having later in the year? Can you involve her in some of the preparations? (When you have had the baby will it be feasible to have his kids over to stay? - This needs planning for now!)

I think some joint outings mixed with other stuff is a good idea - he can't keep his 'family' separate from your 'family'. At the end of the year there will be a new 'family' belonging to both of you - this will get very complicated soon enough.

As regards the laptop I think a cheap extra one may be the way forward - your son is reaching an age where he will need access to a computer regularly for schoolwork..... my youngest is 15 and I have to fight them off to get anytime on-line!

What about some couples counselling? Or even just for you - I had 8 sessions on the NHS - I had to wait a bit mind - very theraputic being able to unload onto someone who won't take sides!

Good luck!

Barneysmom

Please don't stop the overnight stays. The children have got used to it now and might upset them, they might feel they are being excluded further from their dad's life.

SCAMPIDOODLE

[QUOTE To be completely honest, the comment on my son gets "the lion's share of him", my partner does very little with him, He has never played games with him like he does his own kids. Dosent really talk to my son unless my son talks to him. .[/QUOTE]



I found this a bit worrying.

DeeDee74

i think you've been very good with his kids.
have you told him how u feel that he makes very little effort or dosent interact with ur children?
agree with other poster's get ur son a laptop of his own if your oh wont let him on his.

my ex oh was simular, his kids had a whole other set of rules, basically thay did as thay pleased. yet he tryed to tell me what mine should or shouldn't do.
wish u luck hun x

Minimum_Wage_2

i know how your feeling Lyn and i can side with you all the time but i will say that yours sounds much more simpler than i had with my ex. It is down to the adults to get this sorted and in my eyes he took your kids on when he wanted to be with you and that he should interact with your kids also. yeah fair enough when his kids are there that he will want to give his kids a little more but then when they are not there then he should give your kids the same. I wont drop to my ex's level and post on here the problems we had with our kids because she never talked about them and when i tried it would always end up with her telling me she didn't want to talk anymore or get into an argument. Its not good when things don't go well and you have to start allowing him to be off out with his kids and your sat at home. they should all be treated the same and yes there should be times when you both spend quality time with your kids but not all the time, you are already dividing the family. it is down to you two to sort it out and find some common ground that your both happy with, if you have to find some outside help to see if that will help.

The long and short of it all is that you two are a couple and you have taken on his package just as he has taken on yours, you both need to sit down and talk all this through so that both of you are happy with the end result. There is not right way nor wrong way telling us what we have to do and boy! dont we all wish there was a hand book or manual for bringing up kids. If you love him and he loves you then you will have to find away through this and meet each other halfway allowing all kids to be treated fairly and the same. Good luck and please let us know how things go as there are many people in this same difficult situation.