wish to delete

sazza42

I've just gone through a similar situation, but over a much shorter timescale which made it far easier. We both had houses - 200 miles apart. For 6 months he lived with me as a kind of trial period and didn't contribute anything as he was still paying the mortgage and bills on his own house. I then moved in with him and put my property on the market. As soon as my flat sold, I started contributing towards his mortgage and bills - half of everything. Financially, that worked well. However, I did feel a little insecure - after owning my own home it did feel a bit odd essentially being his lodger. I always called it 'his' house, not 'ours' and although it all worked well, it wasn't my home. I didn't like feeling like I didn't have any rights, despite putting money into it. This only really worked as I knew it was a short term solution. We then sold his house and have bought a property together which is now 'our' home.

I don't think I could have 'lodged' with him as a longer term solution though after having my own place.

Scabs

It comes across as if you are not ready to move in together. If you really wanted to live together you wouldn't be worrying about a couple of hundred quid a week, even more so with a 40k salary.
I would stay as you are until you are both sure because you sound like all you are worried about is losing out financially.

Manicgirl

To me, you need to decide whether what you're doing is more 'renting' or 'owning'. If the tv broke next week, or the roof fell off, who is going to pay - you are your bf? If you are living together as a couple, then I would assume that you'd each pay half for emergency repairs and such like. So you should be paying an equal share of the mortgage.

I'd agree with other posters though, £500 still seems like a good deal for what you're getting, and you'd feel much more like it was your home, rather than just somewhere you were just lodging in.

chewmylegoff

you're making a choice to move in with him because you want to - so the fact that you could rent a room off your dad for £300pcm is rather irrelevant, as you don't want to live in your dad's spare room (if you did want to live there, then you wouldn't currently be living in your own house, would you).

for the same reasons the fact that you suggest he lives in a bit of a la-di-dah area and you would be happy slumming it therefore you shouldn't have to pay more is also irrelevant - as you are choosing to move in with him, and you knew where he lived before you made that choice.

i would suggest that £500pcm is pretty reasonable as it is less than half his mortgage payment. further, it is, presumably, less than your own current mortgage payments; no point cutting off your nose to spite your face.

£100 per month is really neither here nor there anyway - it's 3% of your take-home. but if it bothers you that much then don't move in together, one of you is just going to end up resenting the other one.

Lil_Me_2

Manicgirl wrote: »

To me, you need to decide whether what you're doing is more 'renting' or 'owning'. If the tv broke next week, or the roof fell off, who is going to pay - you are your bf? If you are living together as a couple, then I would assume that you'd each pay half for emergency repairs and such like. So you should be paying an equal share of the mortgage.

I'd agree with other posters though, £500 still seems like a good deal for what you're getting, and you'd feel much more like it was your home, rather than just somewhere you were just lodging in.

I agree with this.

I moved in with my (then) bf in August 2007 and he bought a house which we both now live in. We looked at houses available in the area and the cost to rent and took 50% as an acceptable figure.

So I ended up with £400 plus council tax and bills. It's more than a room would have cost, but I don't feel as though I rent a room, I share the whole house. Also I live in Bristol, so I would imagine Kent being a little more pricey.

When I moved in I had to sign a waiver saying that I had no interest in the house so basically signing my rights away. As such I don't pay anything towards the structural upkeep of the house or garden.

However as we were in a relationship when the main TV broke I did go halves on the repair, and I paid towards the BBQ etc. It's all in proportion though and it's these kinds of things that are a little greyer.

Looking at the figures you've posted I would say £400-500 would be an acceptable base figure for rent, but it would seem fairer to split the bills 50/50 on top. I would expect that this is still cheaper than what you're paying now and it's worth remembering that your loss of "having your own place" also applies to him.

I do sympathise with the vulnerability that you'll feel when you live under someone elses roof, and I suggest getting a signed agreement that should you split he gives you 2 months notice to move out. I actually ended up splitting up with my bf a year after I moved in with him, however it's an amicable split and I still live with him 9 months on.

Fire_Fox

You should be paying half of the food and the bills as you are both getting equal benefit from these. I would set up a current account to be used for this specific purpose, to get you both used to sharing some financial responsibility in advance of sharing a mortgage in a few years.

How much you pay for 'rent' should be a completely separate issue. How much you have in the bank or as income or how much your dad would charge is irrelevant. You are in a partnership with your OH, the relationship you have with your parents is not one on an equal standing. If you want to pay a fair amount against what it costs your OH to run the house then you should pay half of the interest on the mortgage - leaving him to pay for, and benefit from, the capital repayments. He should also pay for any repairs and improvement to the property itself.

Alternatively you can look at what it would cost to rent a room in a house in that area, or to rent half a house in that area and split the difference. Maybe you wouldn't choose to live in that area, but you will be. If you don't want to pay for the privilege then move in with your dad! It's a bit worrying that both of you are concerned about subsidising the others lifestyle - not sure I'd want to give up my home and my life in that situation.

Edited to add: I would not want to put myself in a position that I touched the £70K capital. Your OH won't be reducing the value of his equity by having you live with him so you shouldn't have to touch yours either.

sunshine_shell

My boyfriend now lives with me and we pay 50/50

We are about to move into a bigger place and he is putting down 40k and i'm putting 10k but we will still pay 50/50 and there will be a deed of trust drawn up should anything happen

Good luck!

housebuyer_abc

Never understood this my bf/gf gives me the money each month, and they pay.

If you are together just share everything, including a bank account, surprising how easy it is to sort these things out when each of you has access to all your combined income.

And if you aren't ready for this I'd argue you aren't ready for the commitment of a house bought together and are in fact 'lodgers with benefits'

Now in all of the above I'm not casting judgement I don't care how you decide to structure your lives, but buying a house together is more of a commitment nowadays then marriage as you can both end up crippled by negative equity many years after splitting

SouthCoast

The Broad Market Rent for an area can be found on this site:

https://lha-direct.voa.gov.uk/Secure/Default.aspx

Cissi

housebuyer_abc wrote: »

Never understood this my bf/gf gives me the money each month, and they pay.

If you are together just share everything, including a bank account, surprising how easy it is to sort these things out when each of you has access to all your combined income.

And if you aren't ready for this I'd argue you aren't ready for the commitment of a house bought together and are in fact 'lodgers with benefits'

Now in all of the above I'm not casting judgement I don't care how you decide to structure your lives, but buying a house together is more of a commitment nowadays then marriage as you can both end up crippled by negative equity many years after splitting

I agree with every single word of that. I've never understood how some couples (often even after they have children together, the biggest commitment you can make) split their finances up into "his", "hers" and "shared". DH and I didn't move in/buy a house together until we had decided to get married, and at that point everything we owned was considered joint property, by us both. Throughout our life together there have been times when one of us has earned a lot less than the other or not at all, due to post-grad studies, childbearing, starting a business etc. At no point has one of us felt that they were subsidising the other one - we're a team :beer: