Mum passed away and I have a 16 year old brother to look after

Oldernotwiser

"The family home is currently unoccupied ". This seems to be the most important statement so far and one wonders whether this is a council property, private let , mortgaged or owned.

I don't see how anyone can offer any help or advice until more is known about the family home.

foi1983

Hello everyone and thank you for your replies. I will try and answer all of your questions.

My mum made me his guardiab because she considers me to be the most stable child (if that is the word). I went to uni, have a good job and am generally a well-rounded, married 26 year old professional with no kids but I work in a job with long hours. When we were growing up my mum worked all the hours god sent and she didnt really get to raise us. That is why my brother is currently in boarding school. Therefore, I do not want him to go through the same thing we did. He needs a stable family who will be around to raise him and neither I or my husband can do that but my older brother, who he is very close to, can.

I will make all the important decisions but who he wants to live with is up to him. We havent told him yet that our mum passed away but he is currently on a flight to the UK and will arrive in 3 hours. My older brother has gone to pick him up with a dear family friend and they will break the news to him. My heart is literally breaking right now.

The home is owned outright by my mum and was left to me and my siblings.

I suppose my older brother could move in there with his family but I don't think he wants to and what would happen to his council place? We plan to sell the house once we are granted probate so where will they live then?

What a mess!

My mum died of breast cancer. We had no idea she had it. If she knew, she didnt tell us as she didnt want to worry us. She must have been in so much pain but didnt let on.

She went into the hospital early Friday morning and died on saturday at 22.20. It was a shock to all of us.

dmg24

What a terrible situation for you and your family ...

Will your brother be staying at boarding school for the next two years? If financial provision has not been made for this, schools often have funds set aside for situations like this.

I think the chances of getting a three bed council house in the near future are minimal. Indeed, it is quite possible that they would still be on the waiting list when your brother reaches eighteen. If they do not move into the family home, would it not be possible to move to a privately rented property?

With regard to the plan to sell the house once probate is sorted, surely the need for your brother to have a stable home would override this?

I imagine you have a long night ahead of you. Hopefully you can get some rest before seeing your brother x

ian_duncan_smith

Because your brother is still at school you should be entitled to assistance from the social services. They should make you a "friends and family" foster carer, and you will be paid an allowance by them for taking care of him. Alternatively they may well offer him independent accommodation and pay for his boarding, in which case he will have his own flat, furnished by them.

Zara33

ian_duncan_smith wrote: »

Because your brother is still at school you should be entitled to assistance from the social services. They should make you a "friends and family" foster carer, and you will be paid an allowance by them for taking care of him. Alternatively they may well offer him independent accommodation and pay for his boarding, in which case he will have his own flat, furnished by them.

I doubt very much any of the above is true.

The boy is 16 an adult in the eyes of the law, he is not a "looked after child" placed with family members so will not warrant a kinship payment. The circumstances are sad but social services will probably not get involved. There is no need.

foi1983

dmg24 wrote: »

What a terrible situation for you and your family ...

Will your brother be staying at boarding school for the next two years? If financial provision has not been made for this, schools often have funds set aside for situations like this.

I think the chances of getting a three bed council house in the near future are minimal. Indeed, it is quite possible that they would still be on the waiting list when your brother reaches eighteen. If they do not move into the family home, would it not be possible to move to a privately rented property?

With regard to the plan to sell the house once probate is sorted, surely the need for your brother to have a stable home would override this?

I imagine you have a long night ahead of you. Hopefully you can get some rest before seeing your brother x

They've broken the news to him and I will see him later on today.

The need for my brother to have a stable home will definitely override the selling of the house. I think that may have just been a knee jerk reaction.

Whatever happens, he needs to be with his family not in social shared accomodation or his own flat.

He has one more year at boarding school and then we'll decide where he goes.

Toto

As someone whose mum also died young from breast cancer I have a good understanding of your pain and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. My mum also passed away suddenly, she went into hospital on the friday, was going to be discharged on the tuesday but she died early tuesday morning.

I would keep the family home for the time being, at least until your brother is old enough to want to buy his own place, then sell. The market is likely to be better in a few years anyway so holding on would probably be the best financial decision.

If your brother is at boarding school for another year then could the family home remain as his home but both you and your older brother take turns with staying there with him during his holidays? That way he has a home which is his, and you all get the comfort of being around mum's home too (even though right now just going near the place will probably be too much to even think about).

I know at this time we tend to go into full on organise mode, I suppose to try and block the pain by being busy and getting things done. But, none of this needs to be sorted right now, you just need to concentrate on getting through the emotional stuff for the next few weeks.

margaretclare

foi1983 wrote: »

They've broken the news to him and I will see him later on today.

The need for my brother to have a stable home will definitely override the selling of the house. I think that may have just been a knee jerk reaction.

Whatever happens, he needs to be with his family not in social shared accommodation or his own flat.

He has one more year at boarding school and then we'll decide where he goes.

I think you're absolutely right. Poor lad has just lost his mum. At least, at his school there will be people around who can be supportive, he's familiar with the environment. What are the arrangements for school holidays? As far as possible one would think they should be kept as 'normal' as possible.

With very best wishes to you and all the family.