Mum passed away and I have a 16 year old brother to look after

foi1983

Hello,

My mum passed away last week saturday and in her will, gave me guardianship over my 16 year old brother.

I have an older brother who he is very close to and who would be able to look after him better than I would as he works 9-5 and has children. I am not relinquishing my role as his guardian, just looking into different options.

My older brother has two kids (1 boy and 1 girl) already and they live in a 2 bedroom flat. If my 16 year old brother were to live with him, do you think the council will rehouse him to a 3 bedroom house/flat? This would mean that the 16year old would get his own room and his two kids would still share, as before.

Thanks

whitewing

Hi. Sorry to hear about your mum. I think it's good that your brother goes to live with his cousins.

I can't answer your question about rehousing though, but someone else will be along in a minute...

cuddlymarm

Hi

I'm so sorry about the loss of your Mum. Its not an easy time for anyone. Can I ask whether you have all sat down together and discussed what should happen about your younger brother? What does he want to do ? Who would he be happiest with?
The council probably will rehome your elder brother if he needs more room but this will take time but did your Mum request that you look after your brother because you are staying in the family home. (It may have been because she thought that was the best option to just continue as you were doing)
As I said earlier its not easy for anyone but as long as you stick together it will all work out OK

Good luck
Cuddles:rotfl:

foi1983

cuddlymarm wrote: »

Hi

I'm so sorry about the loss of your Mum. Its not an easy time for anyone. Can I ask whether you have all sat down together and discussed what should happen about your younger brother? What does he want to do ? Who would he be happiest with?
The council probably will rehome your elder brother if he needs more room but this will take time but did your Mum request that you look after your brother because you are staying in the family home. (It may have been because she thought that was the best option to just continue as you were doing)
As I said earlier its not easy for anyone but as long as you stick together it will all work out OK

Good luck
Cuddles:rotfl:

My younger brother is in boarding school currently and will be coming to the UK tomorrow. He has already stated that he would like to live with my older brother but I have to think about what is in his best interests. It would not be in his best interests to live with my brother if he will be sharing a bedroom with a 5 year old and a 2 year old or if he will have to sleep on the lounge floor.

The family home is currently unoccupied and I have my own flat which I share with my husband. If he wants to live with me, then I have no problem with renting a bigger flat.

cuddlymarm

Hi again

You sound well in control of the situation and its good that your younger brother has a choice where he lives. My sister and her husband inherited me when my Dad died (I was just 17) and we did OK. Families come in all shapes and sizes.

You will be fine
Good look again
Cuddles:rotfl:

margaretclare

I think at 16, your brother will be considered old enough to have a say in where he lives and what he does with his future. It's not a foregone conclusion that your other brother would be granted a bigger flat - shortage of available housing in most areas - and also, it's possible that the council might consider him (the 16-year-old) old enough to live on his own rather than allocating a bigger flat to older brother. That doesn't sound as if it's in line with what your Mum wanted! Where my eldest GD lives (in a one-bedroom council flat) there are 16-year olds around there who're living on their own in flats. You should hear what she says about them. Suffice it to say, while a 16-year-old may be considered old enough to have a say in where he lives and his future, he may NOT be mature enough to cope with the day-to-day running his own home, paying his way etc.

On the other hand he is probably too old to become part of an established family with younger children. He would probably be best living with you, at least until you all get over the shock of your mother's death and begin to think straight - which is impossible in the early days of grieving and coping with all the sad practicalities.

flossy_splodge

foi1983 wrote: »

My younger brother is in boarding school currently and will be coming to the UK tomorrow. He has already stated that he would like to live with my older brother but I have to think about what is in his best interests. It would not be in his best interests to live with my brother if he will be sharing a bedroom with a 5 year old and a 2 year old or if he will have to sleep on the lounge floor.

The family home is currently unoccupied and I have my own flat which I share with my husband. If he wants to live with me, then I have no problem with renting a bigger flat.

So sorry for your loss.:sad: What a lot to deal with you have, here's hugs :grouphug:
Was your mothers will done a long time ago and did she have health problems that she knew were leading to this sad outcome?
The reason I ask is she may have had very particular reasons for asking you to be the guardian? She could after all have specified your older brother but she didn't.? Just a thought.
There's a lot more to this than just practicalities.
My wishes are very specific in my will and others may well not necessarily know my reasoning but I would still like my wishes observed.
What a lovely complement to you that your Mum chose you. Says a lot about how she felt about you.

duchy

So is it not possible for you and your brother to live together in the family home ?

Toto

I am so very sorry for your loss, I've been through it and it's a terrible time.

Could your brother and his family move into your mum's home if it is big enough? It's possibly best though if your brother stays with you in the short term while the housing stuff is sorted, sleeping in the living room won't be the best way for him to deal with the loss of your mum.

My thoughts are with you all.

lily23_2

I just wanted to say my thoughts are with you and your family. I know what you and your family are going through, l lost my parents when i was 16 and my sister 14.

It's unlikely the council will consider your brother a priority for a bigger house if your brother goes to live with him - demand is higher than ever. Whatever the living arrangements, sorting out the practicalities is always difficult, i wish you all the best.

catenorfolk

duchy wrote: »

So is it not possible for you and your brother to live together in the family home ?

That is the question i ask. If the family home has two bedrooms then you and your hubby and brother could live together. It would save you renting another place.