Help! Moving in with in-laws, need survival tips

Glamazon

good luck!

Agree with the ground rules and just make sure you stick to them.

My IL's have been here since Friday and I'm more than ready for them to leave tomorrow as is OH!!!

*depressed*

i say good luck

we moved in with his parents about 5 weeks ago, simply because we couldnt afford the mortgage n debt we had, so we have rented our house out

atm we live on the sittin room floor!!! (i thought it would be for a week, looks like another month, on top of the month we have lived here) as we are waitin for the loft to be finished

i get on really well with everyone, but sumtimes i just want to scream cos i cant go to bed till they do (sumtimes 2 in the morning) n i have to get up wen they do (around 6ish) and i feel like i have to put an act on all time

but with u having your own room, bathroom and sitting room i think it will be fine!!! and it means u get to save for your house yey!!!

the only thing i can say is, his parents wont take any money off us, so we buy toilet rolls, milk, bread etc which they realy appreciate, oh and making them cups of tea goes down well

xxx

vaio

Dippychick wrote: »

……….I wouldn't be surprised if he's sat on her knee breast feeding again... pratt ...

That’s a really funny image and would make a good story in a comedy show. Perhaps you should get in touch with a TV production company

Sparky09

My advice would be prepared to have your happy face on at all times! Living with in laws you can not display any signs of emotion, other than joy, particularly at everything they say.

This will become a lot easier after the first month, when after expressing no opinions what so ever, you'll forget you had any of your own anyway, as you have just conformed to everything the in laws say or believe, in an attempt to please them.

The rest of your life will just be a blur as you are now under their control, and are just happy to serve them in return for their occasional gratitude. Good luck!

lostinrates

We live with my parents. Dh is only here weekends, as he lodges closer to wher he works.
The arrangement has been successful (I actually find it harder than DH, he and my parents adore each other). We took on all the litle household maintainance jobs that my parents paid people to do: our feeling is we'd do them living anywhere else and it was good to maintain the discipline and we also feel very strongly my parents should also get some benefit from the arrnagement. I also do all the housework apart from my parent's bedroom/bathroom. (I'll occasionally do those really throuroughly too, so my mother is only having to keep on top of things). This is meaning they no longer spend on a cleaner.

My parents are, well, not so young, and although I'd be being dishonest if I said it has been totally tension free and happy, it has been successful. So much so my parents have asked us to consider ''taking them with us'' when we buy: i.e. buying somewhere with a granny annexe or similar.





I actually second the thing about reverting behaviour. Sometimes, just sometimes, I head very close to a teenage type sulk: never a good thing!

pavlovs_dog

we've been living with my in laws for 5 years now to save up a house deposit whilst i've completed my studies. we get on great (99% of the time) and are yet to have any kind of major disagreement or falling out.

we make a point of eating together on a family on a sunday, and we really enjoy that time together - it's a tradition i'm confident will continue long after we have moved out.

communication and consideration are key; talk about issues, laugh about problems, learn when to bite your tongue - some things just aren't worth falling out over. remember it's going to be as much a challenge for them getting used to having people in the house again as it will be for you moving back home. make sure that between you you pull your weight with the household chores and expenses - or at least show willing. remember to say thanks once in a while.

it can be a lot of fun and make you closer as a family. like lostinrates, we are currently considering a joint move in the future.

Dinah93

I moved back in with my parents nearly a year ago (incidentally to clear the huge MSc loan and car I bought while training to be a planner!) and my OH moved in with us all in January. There are 6 of us in a 4 bed house (2 of them going to uni in September), but I have to say because we all get on it is really stressfree. Not having the housework to do all the time takes a lot of pressure off for studying, and we're able to save for our house. If you get on well with them this is great, we actually eat dinner together every evening, we just alternate who cooks it, means we can all catch up and keeps the house harmonious because you know what is going on with everybody. The only thing I will say is address any niggles with your OH before you move in, it is a lot more pressuring on your relationship with him than on any other aspect of your life, so any minor issues could quickly become the kind of thing you want to argue over, but can't, because everyone can hear, so it just keeps gnawing at you! If you have a solid relationship, you will likely enjoy this time more than anything else.

On a different note I worked 3 days a week in a planning office while training, voluntarily at the start until they found some funding for me. Up until about 5 years ago there was a shortage of planners (oddly enough I think they still offer the RTPI bursary on these grounds, and yet their magazine is crying out at the lack of jobs every week!), however by the time I finished in 2007 there were 2 planning graduates for every job, now hiring has almost frozen and the most recent number I heard was 5 to 1. Several private firms have gone bust, most have laid off people. My best friend with 2 years experience was made redundant in feb, she's insanely bright and eager, and it still took until June for her to get a job (she was even passed over for a maternity cover planning assistant job on 14k because a recently redundant consultant with 18 years experience went for it too!). I'm not trying to scare you off the course, but what I am trying to do is make you aware of what a difficult sector it is to get into. If you don't graduate with significant experience you could find yourself on a checkout in Asda (as another friend of mine did for 17 months after she graduated in planning). It is a very varied career, and there are some good opertunities for progression but you NEED to take a hit in terms of free time and social life now, get as much experience in as you can so that you stand a chance of getting a job at the end of it.

Marcheline

Hi OP I wouldn't be too worried. Me, my boyfriend and our 2 year old daughter are currently living with his parents, paying £400 per month. I am a SAHM and his mother doesn't work so we are together quite often. I do quite a lot around the house and we both cook dinner together in the evening for everyone. I do the ironing for my boyfirend, me and my daughter and she irons for herself and boyfirend's dad. The best way to do it, considering you'll be working a lot and prob out of the house quite often, is to just do what housework you can when you are free. I do not personally like the idea of a timetable for the kitchen or of having a separate sitting room, as it seems like you're isolating yourselves off from each other, but obviously it depends on the personalities of the people involved! Good luck, but i think you'll be ok.

never_enough

As others have said just squash niggles before they become a problem. Leave the communication lines open both ways as it will be hard for them too. I imagine that you'll be studying most of the time so your oh may have a tougher job if he's at home more than you. They may not want him cluttering up their sofa, but could equally find it strange if he always went off to your living room when he was on his own.
Also, try to get out together once a week, or fortnight, just the two of you.

Pee

I think the kitchen is the potential area of contention. Two women in a kitchen is often said to be very difficult. I wuld make sure you wash up very promptly and are laid back about how your in laws deal with this, i.e. if they leave it til morning, so be it. This is general experience in a shared house.

Try to actually spend some time with them, the eating together idea is great, think about what other people like eating and if your cooking is better than mum in laws, proceed with caution.

Very best of luck and I hope the year makes you even closer.