Divorce - does it HAVE to involve money?!

NAR

Pee wrote: »

It sounds like there are other assets besides the house - his office building and the pension. She would be entitled to half the pension, though, if she has no pension of her own.

Does she work?

That is not strictly correct - she could be eligible to a share of his pension, which would be determined by the court. It all depends on the overall financial settlement; I managed to avoid my ex getting any of my pension by giving her more out of the equity of the house.

Pee

I did say that the starting point was half, but thank you for clarifying that.

Pee

I do feel for you, and I am guessing that there is more involved - he moved into the house thinking they would get back together - so i wish there were better answers.

Her earning potential would be taken into account.

I would suggest, and this is really cynical, I know, that you avoid taking sides so that you can try to reason with her and bring agreement about when the time comes and that is needed. Alienating her now would prevent you being assistance to your Dad then.

Dinah93

No one on here can really give accurate advice as we do not know the assets, your father NEEDS to get legal advice asap, to best protect his assets. If she controls the timetable of the divorce hes always going to be playing catch up and he may loose out.

Mrs_P_Pincher

It's actually going to be better for both of them if they do resolve all financial matters as part of the divorce. Apart from anything else they may find that they can't get finally divorced unless they do. However, there is no need for your Dad to be taken to the cleaners. They can reach an agreement between themselves that suits them both and get a solicitor to turn it into a binding court order. There's no law that says you have to have everything you are strictly entitled to but if it's a bit unusual in any way the solicitor may want a disclaimer so there's something on file to say they knew what they were doing, particularly if only one of them has a solicitor.

This would actually protect both of them in the long run and enable them both to get on with their lives and if they do it by agreement between themselves, there's a better chance they can stay friends, which is better for everybody.

Horrid situation to be in, but hope it sorts itself out.

Mrs P P

paddy's_mum

It seems to me that you might be wiser to quietly keep out of it since it is very obvious that you loathe your mother, and your hostility may simply be making things worse between your parents competing claims. I also get the sense that you feel your father is some kind of weak or incompetent fool, who needs you to protect him. He clearly isn't stupid or he would not have been able to acquire the property and assets that he has accumulated.

I'm afraid that I cannot agree with what appears to be your view that a wife who ran a home and raised a family has not made any major contribution to the wealth of that family. They were in harness together and it was for your father to have objected many years ago if he felt she was not pulling her weight. Thirty-something years down the line is leaving it a bit late and I do not believe that a judge will agree that he should have the lion's share of the assets of the marriage, simply because her work was less visible and less lucrative than his.

Almost certainly, if you "have it out with her" you will achieve nothing but unhappiness all round and, possibly, make life even more difficult for your father if he is caught in the cross fire between you and your mother.

Perhaps the best thing for you to do is encourage your father to seek good legal advice, urge him to reach an amicable agreement with your mother and then step back. No-one can know what is truly going on at the heart of a marriage and these two adults should be allowed to make their own decisions. They don't need a puppet master and perhaps your role should be offering neutral and unbiased support. You may find that you are yourself happier about the situation if you are able to step back a little and let some of the wrangling (however courteous) go over your head - it's always stressful to be in the middle of a war zone! :-)

Flipped27

Hmm, am tired so hope this makes sense.

There is more to it than what I have said - as a wife and Mother myself there is no part of me that thinks that a wife who ran a home and raised a family has not made any major contribution to the wealth of that family. But if you spend all those years making it clear you would have rather had a career and then not actually doing half the stuff with the kids you should have done and leaving it to the other parent who works icredibly hard then i'm afraid you haven't really done the wife and mother bit.

I don't loathe my Mother - I struggle to understand the hurt she causes but i don't loathe her. And i don't think my Father is stupid either, I just want to look out for him.

I haven't spoken to them about this so i am certainly not in the middle. But thanks so much for your observations. Ouch.

NAR

Another wonderful example of posters jumping to their own conclusions! :rolleyes: