He Cheated Then Left, Not Married, Left With 2 Kids, Mortgage And Now No Job - Help!

Becles

Just an afterthought:

Post your circumstances in the benefits forum, and the people in there will make sure you know everything that you are entitled to claim.

I naively thought the benefits people would tell you me all the things I could claim, but they didn't. 2 things spring to mind - Council Tax Benefit and a free pint of milk for under 5's per day. I didn't claim either as I didn't know about them.

Horasio

Bleed the sod dry - you have contributed to the marriage and hom then he's dumped on you - he doesn't deserve a good person like you.

Some very good advice on here

You owe it to the children as well as yourself to get your entitlements plus+++

I hope you get sorted soon and one day it will seem like a distant nightmare.

angels'mum

Just A Quick Update, I Have Found Talking About This To Strangers Is The Only Way To Get An Honest Opinion.
He Came To See Our Girls On Monday And Took Them Out For A Few Hours. We Agreed He Would Have Them Once A Week Alternate Days, But This Weekend He Goes Away On A Stag Do. He Is Here Easter Weekend And Expects To Have Them Then. The Weekend After That He Is On A "course" In London - Funny How His New "friend" Lives That Way!!!
I'm Still Trying To Come To Terms With The Betrayal, Pick Up The Pieces For My Girls, Be Strong And Positive For Them. Aswell As Find A Job, Put Our New Family Home On The Market, And See His Face Every Week. I Hate Him But Love Him ,i Hate To Admit It And I Seriously Don't Know How I Will Cope! If Anyone Has A Magic Wand ( Or Even Better, Winning Lottery Numbers) Please Help.
Everyone Has Been So Lovely On Here, I Don't Want To Depress Anyone But Iv'e Hit A Brick Wall Now.

rchddap1

Unfortunately there are no magic wands. Although if you find one I'm sure may people would love to use it. The only thing that you can do is to give yourself time. Sure you have to sort out the essentials like finding a job and sorting the house. You will and can get through this.

Becles

angels'mum wrote:

I Seriously Don't Know How I Will Cope!

You will cope - trust me. Those girls need a Mam and you'll find an inner strength to do everything you can for them. I've been there and I know you will get through this, so believe in yourself that you can!

If Anyone Has A Magic Wand

The magic wand is called time.

You need to "grieve" for the relationship before you can move on. Then you need to sort out what you are going to do regarding work and housing. It's not something that will happen overnight - it will take time for your head and heart to come to terms with it all. It will pass though and as each day passes life will become easier.

Take care xx

Bossyboots

Agree with Becles, you will need to take your time.

As for that magic wand, please don't let anyone wave it for the lottery win until you have ended you marriage and tied up all the finances with your consent order in place. I hope that you then get a great big fat win and the (insert word of choice here) that you married won't get a penny!

busby1_2

I know exactly how you feel angels'mum..

i started off in the same situation, it is hard and thre will be days when you think you just cant cope, makke sure there is some one you can call and talk to, any time of the day or night, and use that life line, i found it was hardest when the kids had gone to bed, and i was suddenly alone,

but it gets better, it takes time and will hurt for a while, but one day you will wake up and realise that he is not worth your tears, you will begine to smile again, then be happy again, you will then look back and say "that part of my life is over now, i will learn from it and move on" from that point on you will never look back...

if you ever need some one to chat to let me know, i will be happy to

take care

sunflower_2

i think a lot of people have been in a similar situation, myself included.

everyone told me it would get better - but at the time i just couldnt see it.
i felt like my whole world had crumbled and cried constantly
betrayal is just the worst thing ever
at the same time i felt so guilty and selfish because i had a little boy to look after

but looking back now - i am glad i had such a lucky escape

after a few year on my own things have turned round and i have never been happier
everything happens for a reason & to make us stronger

sell the house and make a new start for you and the kids
chin up and good luck

annettek3707

Hi there so sorry youre having such a rotten time of it... I had a messy split for over a year, and after a few months of private counselling, which I needed because I was so broken, over a few months I was positive enough to go a step further and change my focus my therapy was focusing on something else, I went onto an access course, which suited school hours and its free, and got a part time job, and now I am going to uni in Sept, to lay down some security for the future for my children, and whilst all this was going on, my husband saw me change from this needy person into a much stronger one, we got back together after over a year separation, the change in me and my thinking, we still have problems but I deal with them so differently ... good luck lots of good things can come out of bad circumstances in the long run.