He Cheated Then Left, Not Married, Left With 2 Kids, Mortgage And Now No Job - Help!

angels'mum

HI, MY NOW-EX HAS JUST LEFT AFTER HE HAD AN AN AFFAIR. :mad:
I WORKED WITH HIM EVERY DAY FOR HIS FAMILY'S BUSINESS - CAN NO LONGER GO BACK THERE!
WE HAVE 2 CHILDREN BUT ARE NOT MARRIED. BEEN TOGETHER 10 YRS.
HAVE A JOINT MORTGAGE.
I NEED TO FIND A JOB TO PROVIDE FOR MY GIRLS BUT THAT FITS ROUND SCHOOL HOURS.
WHERE WILL WE LIVE? DOES HE STILL HAVE TO PAY FOR HOUSE? HOW WILL THE EQUITY BE SPLIT - I COULD GO ON AND ON!!
THEIR WORLD IS CRASHING DOWN AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO STOP IT.
I AM IN PANICK MODE AT THE MOMENT AND HAVE A MILLION QUESTIONS TO ANSWER.
HAS ANYONE BEEN HERE BEFORE THAT CAN OFFER ANY ADVICE?

** ADDED 6/4/06 I JUST WANT TO SAY A HUGE THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO HAS TAKEN THE TIME TO LEAVE ME A REPLY. I HAVE BEEN IN TEARS READING THEM - IN A GOOD WAY - FOR A CHANGE!! THERE ARE SOME NICE PEOPLE OUT THERE AFTERALL!! **

black-saturn

First of all, sorry to hear this has happened to you. You sound like you are very mad and rightly so. For now until you find a job which fits around school hours you need to go to your local benefits office and tell them that you are now on your own with children. They will sort out the necessary benefits needed for you to live on. It will involve filling in a few forms and you will need to take ID and proof of address. With 2 children you will get about £150 per week.

Is it a joint mortgage? If so you have a choice of taking on all the mortgage yourself or selling the house and splitting what you get after the mortgage is paid off with it. If it's in his name only he will probably want to sell the house. If that's the case you need to go to your local council office and fill in all the forms to go on a waiting list for a council house or you could go privately rented. Or you could buy the house off him if you can afford the repayments.

Your last question, has anyone been here before? I split with an abusive partner but I didnt stay in the house, I walked out to nothing with 2 children. So believe me it can be done.

black-saturn

Oh as well as that you could still work at the same place. As long as you do your job properly I can't see why not. If they make you redundant because the relationship has split up surely thats unfair dismissal?

loopylass

Someone i know was in the same situation
They had a joint mortgage but as you have children he cant kick you out you will be the one entitled to live there until the children are old enough to leave home then the house gets sold 50/50
Until then he still has to pay his half of the mortgage and the housing department should pay for yours
I could be wrong but if i was you i would go to citizens advice as soon as possible because they know all about things like this
make an appointment or just go down there the phone number should be in your local directory

Rachie_B

im so sorry this has happened

i think your first port of call is the benefits office so at least you have some money coming in ASAP

also RE the house i guess you need to decide of you want to carry on living there? if not get on the housing list ASAP too

if you have debt its probably better to sell the house ,pay off the debt so you dont have that hanging over you aswell ?

you can get your mortgage paid but its something like after 9 months !! well what use is that as you could be reposessed by then !

also take advantage for a free consultation with a family solicitor to see where you stand .there will be maintenance and contact issues to deal with too

but one step at a time
((hugs)) to you and your children

Becles

First take a deep breath and calm down! It's not good for you or the children to be in a panic. Easier said than done I know *hugs*

First you need to get yourself some money to live on for the immediate future. Go to the benefits office and put in a claim for Income Support. You may also be able to claim mortgage interest help and council tax benefit. Ask about those and they should point you in the right direction.

Next go to the Citizens Advice and see where you stand legally with property etc. They will also advise on any other benefits you may be entitled to.

Next you need to decide what you want to do with yourself! Do you want to live in your current home, do you want to work and so on. Work out a little plan of action as to what direction you want to go in, and how you are going to achieve that. If you want to work, the Lone Parent advisor at the Job Centre can offer a lot of support in finding work.

I've been there and I know it is very hard. However the quicker you deal with these things, the better it is for you as it feels like you are moving on and doing something.

Life will get better, I promise you that. I've since found work in school hours and bought my ex out of the marital home. You'll get there in the end too!

Take care of yourself and the girls xx

elona

If it is a family firm get them to sack you rather than you resign of your own volition and see if you can get wages in lieu of notice for at least three months or redundancy pay.

diamondcatz

Been there with unhealthy dose of abuse thrown in . So my advice is benefits office and then solicitors asap. As you aren't married you apply through the childrens act to remain in the home and he can retain an interest until its sold when they leave uni but has to pay. If you have an interest in the property you will have a battle with the housing who think that you can miracle payments or sell and rent privately but doesn't always afford stability with area to rent in as tenancy has to be renewed.Personally after such trauma even thought it was housing assoc we can decorate how we want and put down roots giving the children a sense of stability. I just wanted peace and didn't want him hassling as he would of messed around with payments until we were repossessed. I wanted to stay civil but had to stay 2 steps ahead. Good job I did as he went bankrupt and is now back at uni to do another degree as his wages can't be touched as it's student living money :mad: From here on in just think of you and children. As for work they can't just dismiss you. ps he was a lawyer with his own firm who now "doesnt do family "aka can't dictate and terrorise -takes all sorts 2 screw up kids :mad: Best of luck and keep us posted my thoughts are with you

Bossyboots

loopylass wrote:

Someone i know was in the same situation
They had a joint mortgage but as you have children he cant kick you out you will be the one entitled to live there until the children are old enough to leave home then the house gets sold 50/50
Until then he still has to pay his half of the mortgage and the housing department should pay for yours
I could be wrong but if i was you i would go to citizens advice as soon as possible because they know all about things like this
make an appointment or just go down there the phone number should be in your local directory

Incorrect. Whether she can stay in the home with the children is a decision made entirely on their circumstances and you cannot compare one case to another. It is not set in stone, likewise the myth of a 50/50 split. Also, if she stays in the house there is not necessarily going to be any obligation on him to pay his half of the mortgage. Again, this would be worked out on their circumstances and each case is decided for itself, not what someone else did or didn't get.

Bossyboots

diamondcatz wrote:

Been there with unhealthy dose of abuse thrown in . So my advice is benefits office and then solicitors asap. As you aren't married you apply through the childrens act to remain in the home and he can retain an interest until its sold when they leave uni but has to pay.

Again, only an option, not a rule. You do not apply through the Children Act to settle property between a couple. It will be a Trust of Land Act application in the civil courts. Having children does not automatically entitle someone to stay in the home although the courts would prefer children not to be uprooted if it can be avoided but that doesn't guarantee everyone in this situation will be able to remain in the existing home.

Also, it is rare for the orders to go through to uni. A levels is the highest education normally expected to be covered. If the party with residence and living in the home then cohabits or marries the order can kick in and the ex will need paying off. If a clean break financially is possible sooner rather than later then that is the preferred option of the court, taking all facts into account.

Without knowing all the finances, it is not possible to say for sure but there is every possibility that the OP will qualify for legal aid.

Crispy_Ambulance

Go to your local CAB as they will be able to help. I don't think anyone else has said this, but bear in mind that an Income Support claim as a lone parent will trigger a Child Support Agency claim which will order your ex to pay maintenance.

You can argue that you and your children have a beneficial interest in the home but a CAB will be able to help you there.


Sorry this has happened to you - but you will survive.