Been told I *may* have very mild aspergers. Advice please

Legacy_user

It has come as a relief to me in a way. I have always been a bit different to most people. I just put it down to me being a computer geek. I have an affinity with technology. It isn't confirmed yet, I am awaiting a meeting with the psych person.

However I went on a stress management course a few weeks back and we had a test that gave personality types. I apparently scored off the scale in lack of impulse control.

The tutor (who by chance specialises in this field with a PHD in the field, ours was a side gig ifyswim) asked me to stay behind. She had never seen such a score in years of doing this day tut.

We chatted and I explained a few things that happen to me. Some of the points we spoke about included:

I am, by all accounts very introverted
I do not do crowds whatsoever. I get anxious and get worried if it is a crowd of strangers.
I compulsively check that I have things on me, several times a day, although I know they are there. Wallet, keys, train pass for example.
I have councilling on and off for the last 10 years. I bounce between extreme happyness and extreme depression. I threatened my own mate with violence because I didn't like his girlfriend Thats what triggered my first flirtation with counselling, on an emergency appointment.
Compulsive, obssessive actions.
I don't do eye contact or small talk
Lack of patience, and seeing the need to talk or discuss things. Pleasentries I suppose you would call them.
I don't even do communication with my other half much. She just accepts its the way it is.
Exceptional mood swings. I once went to throw a monitor at someone, but managed to catch it (the impulse) in time. I had literally picked it up that violently that the ports got ripped out the back.

However the worse parts of it include:

An obsession with death, ruminations. I obsess about how many more seconds I will live. How it will end and such like. I even confessed that I often wondered what it would be like to jump under a train as it comes into the station (I get the train to work every day) I have the impulse control to resist it, but never thought of it as suicudal thoughts.

Exceptionally violent thoughts (never acted out I may add). I mean it even crossed my mind to cut my fingers off with garden bush trimmers, because I was using them. Again, to my mind, it was just a random thought. No rhyme or reason for it.

I was told by the lecturer/tutor person to see the Dr. I did and she asked some really bad (to my mind) questions. Including, violence towards people I live with. Did I have children etc. I was kind of offended.

Other things that make me think it is this is the fact that although I was never a troubled teenager, in junior school I had to have help. The work just didn't interest me. As a two year old I would take phones to pieces to just to see how they worked.

She referred to me to the psych department at local hospital. However as a close friend works in the "special person" ward (Don't know what to call it really). I am scared that once I talk to them they will put me on a section 3 or similar.

I hold down a good job and have a lot of responsability including staff and budgets and do so quite well on the whole. What I guess i am trying to say is that I want help, but it could be carear limiting.

I would like a diagnosis, but I am then obliged to tell my employer, and in my field, it would signal the creation of a glass ceiling I suspect.

Also part of the reason I wrote this was to see if there are any similar people on here, that can identify with this. What are the coping mechanisms you use ?

Thanks (if your still reading!)

13000

Blackpool_Saver

Hi, I am no doctor but do have experience with a relative being the way you are describing. It sounds like bipolar to me or at the least ADHD, or something within the autistic spectrum. I am happy to talk to you by private message should you wish.

longhotbath

13000, why do you need help? - you sound as if you are doing well without it. Your employers and co-workers will see you differently with a label.
Most people I know in the scientific world are as you desbribe yourself - they use that 'geekyness' to their advantage, without the need for labelling.
I would recommend that you google the aspergers and autism self help groups, and contact one local to you.

Best wishes.

System

Hiya,

The issue i am having is that I want know for definate answers if I am or conversely its just depression. No councillor has ever said "You have (or havent) got whatever"

It would explain a lot of why things are the way they are.

However if i follow through for the appointment, and I am diagnosed, I am obligated to report it. I dont want to. I dont want people to change the way they interact with me if I am diagnosed just because a Dr says so.

I do cope ok on the whole but I just want to know. However its not good to ever think about cutting your fingers off or jumping under a train.

I realise that there a lot of people a lot worse of, but i can't help wondering. I am just posting here to see if anyone has similar issues, and how they cope with thoughts, that frankly are not normal.

daska

Why are you obliged to report it?

System

Unfortunatly the contract I signed clearly states that any changes in my health or situation must be reported to the HR dept.

Thats what it states anyhow in the contract.

cte1111

I think you could argue that it's not a change in your health, as your condition has not changed, you may have a diagnosis, but in itself that does not indicate a change.

VfM4meplse

I don't think your diagnosis will limit your career any more than it is now. If you feel anything has held you back it is probably an inability to apply softer skills, so you probably won't get to CEO but not many people do, or even want that!

You do have to declare this though as your employers will need to make any necessary allowances for it.

dmg24

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

Hi, I am no doctor but do have experience with a relative being the way you are describing. It sounds like bipolar to me or at the least ADHD, or something within the autistic spectrum. I am happy to talk to you by private message should you wish.

This is not the place for diagnoses (though it seems to be the day for it). The characteristics described could be numerous things, or indeed, nothing at all.

OP, keep your appointment, but don't be afraid of any 'label' that may come out of it. You are still you, it doesn't change you unless you want it to ... and be careful of taking diagnoses from unqualified people on t'internet that have never met you!

Minxy_Bella

To be absolutely honest, I would be very wary about getting labelled with X or Y as you just don't know how a) you're going to feel about it and b) how others are going to feel about it.

I once taught a kid who was very individual, bit of a loner, bit swotty, invaded your personal space a bit but we all accepted him for who he was, no big deal. One visiting doctor asked me when this kid had been diagnosed with Asperger's and it really annoyed me that she'd put him into a square box and dismissed his personality instantly. I must be an old hippy but it's the individual that I care about, not the 'condition' found in a textbook and it sounds like life is good for you, so if it ain't broke, why fix it?

PS I can be pruning the roses and think similar things about lopping off fingers- fleeting thoughts that I would never act upon but I believe it's my brain rehearsing what I'd do in such a situation. I reckon it's just an overactive imagination - I'm the biggest wuss out there! And have a very low pain threshold.....!

Edit - I also check my keys, phone. purse etc constantly as it's a PITA when I lose something! And I have a problem with eye contact when I don't like the person I'm talking to very much. I can do it but feel my focus sliding away to somewhere behind their left ear....

BillyMansell

Hi 13000.

I have an idea of what it's like to have Asperger's Syndrome (and Anhedonia).

Firstly, I don't believe there is such a diagnosis as mild/very mild Asperger's, rather it would be moderate or severe. This is because the symptoms of many mental and social difficulties can be similar to traits of Asperger's Syndrome but are not conditions in themselves. Hopefully, if you initially have a more general assessment (probably HAD Scale or ICQ10) then this may focus your needs appropriately.

Would you be prepared to accept and act upon a diagnosis even if you didn't like the diagnosis? I ask because you've mentioned a fair bit about anger and aggression to yourself and others (at ideation level) and your need to control it, which suggests a high level of cognitive dissonance that would have to be explored and may require lengthy investigation of your past. Also, you won't be sectioned for having ideas of harm but they would need to be addressed.

Finally, whilst you say that to have a diagnosis may limit your career/earning potential, would having an appropriate diagnosis give you a better quality of life even it it meant less money?

All the best.