Unaccompanied child on a train journey..

tanith

thanks guys, I like the idea of 'responsible' behaviour, that might help him focus a bit more with a reward for doing the right thing... not so sure about the spying on him idea though.. paying for his ticket might be a suggestion I could put forward to my daughter..
Its not a straight through journey and had many stops on the way.. I will put forward the many suggestions and hope that one or other helps get round the problem without causing all involved unecessary stress including the lad himself.. I am going to ask him if he is happy to do this trip alone too , who knows we might find he actually isn't that happy about it..

Rachel85

tanith wrote: »

its a journey of over 2hrs there and 2hrs back making a likely journey of 5hrs QUOTE]

I thought you said the journey was an hour?

If you or your daughter sees him onto the train at one end and his dad can be trusted to meet him from the train at the other (perhaps a quick text to dad to say what seat and carriage he is in, etc) then I can't see how it would be any different to a bus ride. If you think he can't be trusted, try him once and if he doesn't adhere to conditions such as phone on, etc then he doesn't get to go again...

pavlovs_dog

tanith wrote: »

He has big problems with getting home at a specific times even from school or contacting Mum to explain why he is late, he carries a mobile but chooses not to check in when asked.. He gets round the problem of Mum phoning his mobile by turning it off at convenient times (to himself) and then saying it didn't ring . He is being really difficult at the moment and school have concerns about his behaviour. So things aren't black and white..

coxy07 wrote: »

I would definately let him do it but only on the condition that in the weeks before him going he could show responsible behaviour with his school journeys and phone answering.

I think coxy has a good idea here - a kind of carrot and stick approach. I wouldn't threaten to cut contact with dad (as i think that's counter productive), but i would run with coxy's suggestion and make him think that it is in his hands. Perhaps neglect to mention your plan B (that he visits his dad for longer periods over the holidays instead of travelling on a fortnightly basis)

another option - if he is not using the phone for its primary purpose - allowing mum to keep tabs on him and make sure he is safe - then take it off of him for a short while until he earns back some trust.

i am a teacher, and i know a lot of schools will work with parents when a child shows a worrying change of behaviour. the school's reaction suggests his recent behaviour is out of character. it's quite possible that the school would, with your support, put him on an internal report where his teachers monitor his progress against set targets in every lesson. As it is being done informally with your consent (not that he would know that ) it need not go on his school file, but is often the kick up the bum that basically good kids who are having a wobble need to get their behaviour back into line.

good luck with it all :grouphug:

itzmee

I have had experience of this where my son (now 13) visited his dad fortnightly. Originally ex came over on the bus on Friday evening to collect our son, and then travelled back with him. Then I would pick him up on Sunday night. It took them about 45 minutes to travel by bus. I suggested to my ex that our son could travel over on his own. I would put him on the bus and his dad could meet him at the other end - and vice versa. He was the same age as your grandson when we started this. My reasoning was that son was out playing all hours, went to school on his own etc so a bus journey was easy enough and he was familiar with the journey. His dad wasn't happy at this arrangement at first but when he realised he would save money on his own travelling then he jumped at it. Not long after my son was making the whole journey from home to his dad's house on his own. I trusted him to be careful enough to do this.

I know you are saying that maybe you should cut down the visits but I think your grandson should have some say in this. My son soon got bored of going to his dad's every fortnight and wanted to be with his mates instead. I told him that if he didn't want to go then he had to tell his dad himself otherwise I would get ranting phone calls accusing me of stopping the visits. The fortnightly visits soon cut down to 3 weekly then monthly through my son's choice.

Why not try the arrangement to see if your grandson can handle it? He should be fine if he is being met at each end but it isn't fair on his dad to cut down the visits without even trying as you never know what the future holds as unfortunately my ex died at the end of last year.

BitterAndTwisted

In the early sixties we used to be put on a train at Paddington to travel up to North Wales for the school holidays. Back then, my sister and I would be put into the care of the guard but I don't suppose there are any guards any more and they probably wouldn't be allowed to accept the responsibility. I was nine years old on our first trip and my sister was seven.

I think the suggestion of putting the child on the train and asking a respectable and sane-looking woman to keep an eye on him is an excellent one.

galvanizersbaby

MrsTine wrote: »

Radical idea... how about you/your daughter "spy" on him? ie let him do it on his own, but unknown to him one of you is actually on the train next carriage down? That way you can see how he behaves and copes and decide if it can be repeated in the future without one of you with him

Naughty! but I like it :rotfl:
Just imagining hideous backfiring and the mum or grandmother getting spotted in the next carriage by the son - now explain that one :rotfl:

Bogof_Babe

Could his dad afford to travel to the point where his son has to change trains, and meet him there?

Have a search around on the National Express site for cheap Advance fares - much the best way of getting affordable tickets.

a_sav

Both my boys go to school via train on their own, I do know what you mean as the school encouraged them to go to the sea with the student exchange children and I was nervous,We do use trains a bit now they are confident to go out to meet others via rail.So long as they are contactable and met the other end I am ok

dmg24

I used to get the train to school alone (I was the only pupil from my area). Never had a problem!

buxtonrabbitgreen

Does he have to go by train? often National Express funfares are only £1 so perhaps his dad could afford to pick him up then.

My eldest 2 boys used to go on the train on their own about an hour journey where their dad met them off the train and they were fine. Apart from having the suitcase stolen one time. They started going on their own at about 9 and 10.
But I think we were all a bit more cavalier about these things 20 years ago.