feel sick :(

vodooelephant

Hi guys

I just dont know what to do.

When we got married my husband had 23000 debt i knew nothing about... Since then things have just got worse...
I have a dd who is 3 and (unplanned) 6 mth twins It turns out my husband has been using my Credit card ,such as a computer frm PC world apprently the sales guy noticed MY name on the card but put through sale anyway as husband knows my pin. He also bought a car on credit card..same thing i was not there, I thought he had cash for it.
We now have debts of £25,000+ I have hidden credit card but it appears that every month we are spiralling into more debt

My SOA to follow (My daughters nursey fees will be removed - I was told they get a grant for 15 free hours a week so i put her in for 15 hours a week it seems this isnt the case??? so i have put in notice with them but this is for the 2 months i have to pay)

Any help would be much appreciated.

Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet
Household Information
Number of adults in household........... 2
Number of children in household......... 3
Number of cars owned.................... 2
Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 0
Partners monthly income after tax....... 1542.46
Benefits................................ 400
Other income............................ 0
Total monthly income.................... 1942.46
Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 0
Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0
Rent.................................... 900
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 112
Electricity............................. 50
Gas..................................... 50
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 50
Telephone (land line)................... 50
Mobile phone............................ 65
TV Licence.............................. 11
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 0
Internet Services....................... 0
Groceries etc. ......................... 250
Clothing................................ 20
Petrol/diesel........................... 150
Road tax................................ 30
Car Insurance........................... 70
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 25
Car parking............................. 0
Other travel............................ 0
Childcare/nursery....................... 220
Other child related expenses............ 0
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 0
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0
Buildings insurance..................... 0
Contents insurance...................... 0
Life assurance ......................... 0
Other insurance......................... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 5
Haircuts................................ 0
Entertainment........................... 10
Holiday................................. 0
Emergency fund.......................... 0
Total monthly expenses.................. 2068

Assets
Cash.................................... 0
House value (Gross)..................... 0
Shares and bonds........................ 0
Car(s).................................. 1500
Other assets............................ 0
Total Assets............................ 1500

No Secured nor Hire Purchase Debts
Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
loan...........................20355.6...260.9.....0
credit cards...................5281.4....100.......0
Total unsecured debts..........25637.....360.9.....-

Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 1,942.46
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 2,068
Available for debt repayments........... -125.54
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 360.9
Amount short for making debt repayments. -486.44
Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 1,500
Total HP & Secured debt................. -0
Total Unsecured debt.................... -25,637
Net Assets.............................. -24,137
Created using the SOA calculator at www.makesenseofcards.com.
Reproduced on Moneysavingexpert with permission, using IE browser.

judi24

Just wanted to say hello! You have your hands full with 3 little ones! I'm not sure of the exact amounts but you are entitled to some free nursery time for children over 3. It is for term time only in state run nurseries - but you can use it in private nurseries but they work it out over the year - so less hours but for more weeks if that makes sense - your nursery or local early years office or childrens centre may be able to advise you properly. There may also be some help available because of the ages of your children - you could try speaking to your health visitor.
I am sure someone will be along soon to advise on your SOA but have you checked you are getting all the benefits you are entitled to?

vodooelephant

. There may also be some help available because of the ages of your children - you could try speaking to your health visitor.




I dont seem to have a health visitor...... no one comes to see us and i havent been given any contact details... Do you know how i would get one?

Thanks

judi24

You should definately have a health visitor!!! Phone your GP or health centre and ask for thier name and contact number or do you have a baby clinic where you get the babies weighed - they would know- I am realy surprised especially with twins - that no-one has made contact with you. Maybe it depends on which area you live in! (but it shouldn't - we are not supposed to have a post code lottery health service! ) But I am still really surprised and horrified that you have been left with little support.

vodooelephant

judi24 wrote: »

You should definately have a health visitor!!! Phone your GP or health centre and ask for thier name and contact number or do you have a baby clinic where you get the babies weighed - they would know- I am realy surprised especially with twins - that no-one has made contact with you. Maybe it depends on which area you live in! (but it shouldn't - we are not supposed to have a post code lottery health service! ) But I am still really surprised and horrified that you have been left with little support.

Thanks for that - It is all a bit overwelming, my family dont bother with me and my mum has only been to my house twice since my babies were born. I need help really but not sure where to get it from? I forgive DH for most things as he is the only 'adult' i talk to most days . . .

talana

As should be obvious from your SOA, even taking the debts out of the equation you're still spending more each month than you have income coming in. Naturally enough this is unsustainable and is on;y going to get worse if not tackled so focus your efforts here first.

2 options here: increase your income and/or cut your spending.
Your own personal income is £0, ideally that needs to change. I know it must be incredibly difficult with 3 kids, but if you could somehow get an extra couple of £100s coming in that would help you a lot.
Browse the MSE main site for some ideas.

Then the savings -
£900 pm on rent seems high (don't know what part of the country you're in though), can you consider moving somewhere a bit cheaper?
£115 pm on telephones (mobile and landline) is very high. Aim to half this.
Do you need two cars? Can you not make do with the one?

It also sounds like you need to keep your finances as separate as is reasonably possible from your OH's. No giving him your cards and pin numbers in future, OK :rolleyes:

Ames

Sorry to hear about the problems with your OH, I've had similar although his problem is gambling. I also know how hard it is when he's the only adult you ever really see. If you can't get him on board then you're going to have to keep everything separate so that he can't drag you down further. And change the pin numbers!

Nargleblast

Hello voodooelephant - what a situation! Does your older child need to go to nursery if you are at home with babies? That could be a saving there. Or was your daughter in nursery while you were at work? You don't mention any income - are you still working or on maternity pay? As Judi24 says, get on to your GP surgery and ask for the health visitor to contact you. They should also do regular baby clinics at the surgery as well that you could attend. Is there a Sure Start centre in your area? A mother and baby group? You need things like this to build up a network of support when you have little ones.

re your financial mess - what has your husband got to say for himself? Any explanations or apologies?
Suggest you immediately cancel and destroy all credit cards so he can't do this again - it will also remove temptation so you won't use them either. Then sit down and look at your figures - any obvious savings there? Can you contact your creditors and work out a deal for repaying what's owed? Your husband needs to work with you on this as well, you have to work as a team to clear these debts and start anew. Try contacting organisations like CCCS, Payplan, Citizens Advice etc for free debt counselling.

GeorgeUK

Just a thought, but are these all the debts or just yours?

You need to have a long talk with him about how you are both going to deal with the debts - you can't do it on your own and you really need him to work with you on this and stop spending.

Does he have any old/bad debts?
He could look at his credit file (free from experian if you cancel within 30 days), but if he has old debts that he's trying to ignore, this may flag up that the file has been looked at and they may try to pursue him again.

If he doesn't have any old debts that may come back to haunt him, you should both definately look at your credit files. He will be able to see what accounts he has open and what state they are in and i would advise you to check that only the accounts you are aware of are on your file. If he thinks nothing of buying a car on your creditcard then there may be accounts that you know nothing about there.

The SOA looks to be estinated figures (as they are rounded). I would suggest you both keep a spending diary to see exactly how much money is being spent and on what. You might be able to cut back on some luxuries that you hadn't noticed before.

Council tax............................. 112
If paying over 10 months, can you ask to pay it over 12?

Electricity............................. 50
Gas..................................... 50
Check the comparison sites to see you're getting the best deal. (uswitch, moneysupermarket)

Mobile phone............................ 65
PAYG?

Telephone (land line)................... 50
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 0
Internet Services....................... 0
Is this a package deal?

Groceries etc. ......................... 250
This is pretty good for a family of 5. Have a look at the old style board for meal plan ideas.

Petrol/diesel........................... 150
Road tax................................ 30
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 25
Is there any alternative travel? Do you need the car?

Childcare/nursery....................... 220
So you'll have a monthly deficit of about 260 after this is gone in 2 months?

Car Insurance........................... 70
Contents insurance...................... 0
Life assurance ......................... 0
Are these the only insurances you have? No contents or life insurance? Check the comparison sites to see you are getting the best price.

Does hubby work weekends?
Could you possibly get a weekend job while he looks after the wee ones?

Are there any credit card charges that you can reclaim?
Is there any PPI you can cancel or possibly reclaim if missold?

nadine12

Hi there
My advice would be to ring CCCS (Consumer Credit Counselling Service). It is a free debt advice service (there are boards here specifically to do with this, have a little look). I went on a Debt Management Plan which involves making affordable offers of payment to your creditors. Usually though you have to have some excess money over to do this so it may not be an option for yourselves. There are other things you can do such as an IVA. If you go on their website and put in all your figures fronm above they can offer you some immediate advice - they may ask you to give them a ring to clarify a few things.
With regards to your childcare problem, my 3 year old son goes to school nursery or 'rising 3s' and this is where he gets his free 15 hours. Try your local primary school, you may be able to get a place for September. My kids also go to a private nursery some of the time too though and I'm sure that you could use the hours there if you needed?? You need to speak to someone at the local council in the schools/education section. As Judi says, you should def have a health visitor!!! They usually come out for a few weeks afer the midwife stops coming to see you and are usually at baby clinic when they go for ther jabs. The doctors will have the number.
Your rent seems to be your biggest expense, do you mind if I ask where you live?
Hope you manage to get things sorted I know its so stressful, and hard to find time to sort things out with little ones about!!

nadine12

Also, following on from your last post, Home Start offer help to mums with very young children - usually volunteers - someone can come to your home a couple of hours a week to help with whatever you need to help give you a break. Their website is https://www.home-start.org.uk - you can find your local scheme on there.