Was I drugged? Advice/opinions welcomed

Fionnuala_2

Hello Reed_Richards

Thanks for giving me the male perspective on this.

I have done most of what you suggest, ie given repeated and sincere apologies, expressed my embarrassment, thanked my friend for looking after me etc etc, all several times both verbally and in writing. We have known each other for a long time yet he seems unable to move past this one out of character incident. He understands anti-depressants. I have not been prescribed alternative treatment as it is actually rather dangerous to mess around with these drugs - at the time I was under the supervision of my GP reducing my dose with a view to coming off them - this process has to be very, very gradual and could take up to a year, maybe even longer, as the side effects of reducing the dose can be horrendous and unpredictable. Believe me, my friend knows this very well.

Given my repeated apologies and explanations to an enlightened ear, at what point do I stop apologising and explaining? I am quiet now, waiting for his response and he is choosing not to respond at all.

It seems to me that the friendship is over and done with. I don't understand why he cannot acknowledge my apologies and just say that we can move on. He seems stuck on this incident and I think it's exceptionally harsh of him to throw away a friendship of several years based on one out of character drug/alcohol induced episode which I cannot even remember. Will yet more apologies and continuing repitition of the reasons for it bring back the friendship? I don't think so - I think I need to hold onto whatever little dignity I have left. The ball is most definitely in his court and I am very upset that he is choosing to let it end this way.

Thank you again for your views on this and for taking the time to write your reply.

MimiJane

Hi FTS,

I was very saddened to read of your experience ... I am close to someone who took Seroxat for years, luckily with no ill effects (even though he used to drink regularly ::)). However, with all the recent publicity about this drug, it's plainly obvious it can affect people in many different ways, whether or not they choose to drink whilst taking it.

From personal experience, I know what it's like to get "blasted" and suffer memory loss (thinking back to my younger days!) and that's without drugs. ::) The worst thing is the humiliation and embarrasment and wanting to know in some ways what you said/did, but being afraid to ask for fear of further upsetting your friends. Playing down the inevitable jibes is another awful part of dealing with this sort of experience.

One thought I had was for you to email him this thread to let him know the full extent of your feelings. There's more info. in here than you could put in any letter. I do appreciate though how "personal" this is to you and anyone who knows you and, of course, others have been very honest about their own experiences but, then again, it is a public forum. :-/

You sound like a lovely lady and obviously care deeply for your friend and are anxious to deal with this in the least hurtful way to him, even at the expense of losing his friendship for a while. I'm sure that he'll "come round" in time and know that you'll do everything you can to put things right.

Please keep us posted and good luck!

Mimi x

elona

FTS

Think of it as a dance - the more you move forward then the more he moves awy.

I know it will be difficult but the best short term idea is not to contact him at all.

Give it time for the dust to settle as our feelings are not always rational or reasonable.

I have a strong feeling that after a while ( probably a long while ) he will contact you. If he does -do not rake up the past again , just show how pleased you are to hear from him.

If he does not contact you then the worst thing you can do is keep pressing things as it will have the opposite effect from the one you want.

I do not want to upser you but if he is giving up on the frienship because you were not what he thought- then perhaps he is not what you thought he was either.

Good Luck for the future and try to concentrate on yourself for a while rather than exhausting yourself constantly seeking forgiveness. It must be awful for you.

Caz2_2

Hi FTS
Just read all this and felt concerned for you, I feel that you should keep away from this so called friend and his mates. It sounds to me like he is feeling guilty about something thats why he is angry with you and distancing himself. If you have never behaved like this before ask yourself why his reaction is so extreme, you say he is a very good friend obviously not, he cares more about his mates opinions. Sounds to me like you are the scapegoat for his mates wrong doings. Sorry if I sound blunt but as the mother of 4 teenagers if this had have happened to my daughter I'd be taking him and his mates to task. I'm not advocating your mixing presciption drugs and alcohol but you know your owm body and limitations, trust your own judgement and please stop begging his forgiveness you are making yourself more vulnerable to further exploitation. (There would be an uneven power balance in your relationship for a start) PS how did you get such a bad injury and i would be interested to hear what you were told. I am aware that this is in direct disagreement with most other posts but you willingness to accept total blame and be blamed concerned me. I hope you are ok, look after your self and listen to your instinct

SnowyOwl_2

your friend should give himself a good shake and understand that he's just plain hurting you now. friendship is friendship through thick and thin, he's not your friend if he is hurting you. sh*t happens, it happens to everybody, that is a fact of life. lift the phone and tell him to get over it and get on with the friendship and to stop putting you through this misery. if he won't then forget him, who needs friends like that.