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Can I refuse CSA off my ex?

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Child Support
22 replies 4.2K views
black-saturnblack-saturn
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edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Child Support
I have 2 children with my ex which he hasn't seen due to him leaving them in a field and threatening to kill them 5 years ago. But he has a well paid job and pays £75 per week to the CSA for them. As a result of this I get abusive emails from him about the amount of money he has to pay out and calling me all the names under the sun and threatening me. I am 99% sure that if he wasn't paying out all that money I would never hear from him again. He is not interested in the children but more bitter because he is paying out all that money. The children dont want to see him anymore after what happened last time. So is there any way I could contact the CSA and request this?
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Replies

  • mattomatto Forumite
    650 posts
    If you're on benefits and he pays to the CSA I don't think there's anything you can do.

    If you're not on benefits then you should be able to have the payments paid directly to yourself and if he stops paying and you don't complain the CSA aren't going to bother.
  • hi

    if u arent on benefits (which i presume u arent if u can afford to lose £75 per week ;) ) then you can ask the CSA to stop collecting and close the file

    i had to do this in writing, but not sure if u need to complete a form now.

    the CSA acted shamefully with my case so me and my ex decided to just work the maintenance payments out between ourselves.
    just tell them you are doing this?
    just to add tho, i dont see why the slime ball should get away with not paying to feed his kids.
    if i were you i would change my phone numbers and email address so he cant give you abuse, even if you save the money for when the kids get older....
  • FranFran Forumite
    11.3K posts
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    SunFlower wrote:
    ..................
    if i were you i would change my phone numbers and email address so he cant give you abuse, even if you save the money for when the kids get older....
    I agree, get contact details changed, or can you get his email address listed as spam or something?
    Torgwen.......... :) ...........
  • TIGsTIGs Forumite
    420 posts
    Part of the Furniture
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    I'm not 100% sure of this but my partener was told that the only way the CSA won't be involved in a case is if there is a risk of violence, if he is e mailing you and threatening you then you have proof of this.

    Try calling at your local citizens advice or ring them see what they advise you to do.

    Maybe you should see about payments being paid into a special account for your children then you aren't getting it but your kids will when they get older. Why should your kids miss out cos they have an A***e for a father.

    Can't you block his e mail address so all e mails he sends to you are bounced back to him and phone BT to have his number blocked too???
    :A Bouncin's what TIGGERs do best :A
  • Lady_KLady_K Forumite
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    He sounds horrible and to make you feel as though you would rather lose the money for your children than put up with all the rubbish he puts you through is really sad.

    I can understand you feeling that way if you think he could cause harm to you or your family. Its annoying that he should get away with this though because its clearly what hes wanting you to do by using scare tactics. In the meantime I'd say save all the emails and whatever evidence you have in case you need it. You can block his address like others have said. Do you ever reply to him?

    It is a lot of money to lose for them, it might not make any difference to you financially if you are on benefits but if you ever get a job or meet a new partner and come off benefits you will be losing out on it then. Only you know though if it really is the best thing to do

    Perhaps you should speak to some kind of womens aid they deal with abusive partner/father problems all the time they could advise you. Or what about asking the police about it just for advice so at least its logged that you are having problems. You and your childrens safety is the most important thing though but just check out any other possible way round it first. He is a complete bully
    Thanx

    Lady_K
  • KimberleyKimberley Forumite
    14.9K posts
    The CSA will stop payments if there is risk of violence towards you or the children. Phone them up and say he is threatening your kids and you, and you want him to stop paying the money to get him off your back, the CSA will ask you to fill in a consent form. They did with my cousin.
  • calleywcalleyw Forumite
    9.5K posts
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    I assume you are on the new system rather than the old one.

    If you are on a new one this may answer your question. Info

    It looks like you can opt out and if you have good reason. Threat of violence I would assume would be a good reason for opting out. It will not effect youe benefits.

    It is worth a try.


    Yours

    Calley
    Hope for everything and expect nothing!!!

    Good enough is almost always good enough -Prof Barry Schwartz

    If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try -Seth Godin
  • You can ask for your case to be closed if you show 'good cause' for it to be. Your ex threatening you and your children is clearly good cause and would come under this, but be prepared to dig your heels in as 'good cause' has been used falsely to get cases closed without there being a threat.

    If you have any evidence (e.g. letters from him or police) I would take them to your nearest C.A.B. and explain all to them as this will hold more clout with CSA.

    Good luck and best wishes
    A Fendi Baguette is not a sandwich.....
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  • Frank1inFrank1in Forumite
    55 posts
    Hi,
    like Tigs says - why should you or your children suffer?
    Speak to the police - they will be able to issue an harassment warning and help you with changing phones etc. Depending on your local force they may be able to give you a panic alarm and provide support. . He absolutely cannot treat you like this, logging it with the police will also help in the future for anything that happens. I know you just want him to go away but your kids might need that money in the future and you don't know whats around the corner.
    Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
    in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways -
    Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up,
    totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride!
  • WLITCWLITC Forumite
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    Frank1in wrote:
    Hi,
    like Tigs says - why should you or your children suffer?
    Speak to the police - they will be able to issue an harassment warning and help you with changing phones etc. Depending on your local force they may be able to give you a panic alarm and provide support. . He absolutely cannot treat you like this, logging it with the police will also help in the future for anything that happens. I know you just want him to go away but your kids might need that money in the future and you don't know whats around the corner.
    I agree people like him shouldn't just be able to get away with this sort of thing and if it was just nasty emails I'd be inclined to say report him to whom ever, but if this is someone who has threatened to kill the children (even saying it, even if he didn't mean it raises serious concerns), then you really have to ask yourself is this someone you want any ties with. Yes you could go to the police, but if this is the sort of person who threatens to kill his own children, then retaliating like this could provoke him even more. Obviously we don't really know this person and therefore can't really judge whether he is serious threat, but if this person were to flip, then it could end in tragedy. Like others have said, if you can live without the £75 a week, then I would sever all ties. Any man that threatens to kill his own kids is not someone you want around or contact with .. end of!
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