Advice Needed Please

Foresight

Hi all,

I am hoping that some of you could give me some advice please.

My boss put me in touch with a guy who needed some of my work material. I met up with him and handed it over to him.

He was really nice and we chatted a while and had a coffee.

Now he is harrassing me to get coffee with him, hang out and chat and even go to a gig one weekend with him.

He called me yesterday (on my work phone) to ask whether I wanted to meet up the weekend. I said that I couldn't but he really tried to pin me down for a date which I could definately make.

I'm just wondering how I should get rid of this guy.

He is really nice and I feel quite sorry for him as he is in this country on his own (originally from Saudi) and is a bit lost. However, I'm very much a loner and I don't want to enter a friendship with him.

Also, there is some weird sexual vibe there. He is gay and I am a straight woman. He knows that I have a partner and that we have been together for years, but there is something sexual and odd going on.

Please help! How can I let this guy down without hurting his feelings?

Pee

Could you tell him your boyfriend is very possessive and he must stop calling you?

Or could you tell him the truth and say that you are not interested in a friendship?

Your boss could maybe speak to him...

You do say he is really nice and the only reason you don't want to be friends is because you are a loner... are you sure that you want to be a loner?

Foresight

Pee wrote: »

Could you tell him your boyfriend is very possessive and he must stop calling you?

Or could you tell him the truth and say that you are not interested in a friendship?

Your boss could maybe speak to him...

You do say he is really nice and the only reason you don't want to be friends is because you are a loner... are you sure that you want to be a loner?

I have thought about telling him that my partner is really possesive, but I think he will just start e-mailing me or visiting me at work, when he thinks that my partner won't know!

I don't really want to tell my boss because I am going for a promotion and I don't want it to seem as though I can't handle it.

Yes, as miserable as it sounds, I definately want to be a loner! :rotfl:

SugarSpun

Tell him that you have a long term partner and it isn't appropriate for you to be going out with other men even if it is innocent.

He might simply be lonely, or he might be thinking that since you've not married your partner he might be able to finagle you away. If he's creeping you out, it doesn't matter. Tell him you do not go places with men who aren't your partner unless it's strictly work related, and speaking of that you have to get back to it. And then do not respond to anything not work-related he sends you. Don't encourage him - he sounds like he'll invent encouragement where there's none so there's no need to give him ammunition.

diable

Just tell him you have a boyfriend and it is cheating if you meet someone else and that you are not interested. Also keep a log of all the times he calls or emails you as if it gets too much then take it to your boss.

Foresight

SugarSpun wrote: »

Tell him that you have a long term partner and it isn't appropriate for you to be going out with other men even if it is innocent.

He might simply be lonely, or he might be thinking that since you've not married your partner he might be able to finagle you away. If he's creeping you out, it doesn't matter. Tell him you do not go places with men who aren't your partner unless it's strictly work related, and speaking of that you have to get back to it. And then do not respond to anything not work-related he sends you. Don't encourage him - he sounds like he'll invent encouragement where there's none so there's no need to give him ammunition.

I think he is inventing reasons to see me.

He got tickets to a gig this weekend and when he called me he said 'I've just got a couple of tickets', but I know for a fact that these tickets are really in demand and people haven't been able to 'just get them'.

However, I think this is perfectly innocent. As I said, he is in this country on his own and said that he hasn't made many friends whilst he has been here.
I think he liked that I spent some time chatting to him about his home country, his family, his work, his degree etc. etc. But I genuinely was interested and I enjoyed talking to him over coffee that once. But I wanted to have that chat and then get back to work and from then just be 'hello' friends (you know, when there are people at work that you know but only enough to say 'hello, how are you' to in the corridoor) or friendly when we needed to work together on something.

I think he has misread my interest and our chat over coffee that once as being indicative of my want to befriend him and have an enduring friendship with him.
It just kind of goes against my nature to be blunt with someone and say 'I'm not interested in being friends'- it sounds so mean!

Pee

Well, how do you avoid making friends with other people?

peachyprice

Tell him you and your partner would love to go out with him sometime

It just sounds as if he's really lonely .

SugarSpun

Foresight wrote: »

It just kind of goes against my nature to be blunt with someone and say 'I'm not interested in being friends'- it sounds so mean!

You don't have to say that. You can just tell him that it's not appropriate for you to see him outside of work, and when you're working and he calls/emails/turns up at your desk you can tell him you're busy and you'll talk later. Or give him five minutes and then tell him you need to get back to what you're doing.

Foresight

Pee wrote: »

Well, how do you avoid making friends with other people?

Its not that I actively avoid making friends. Its just that most people get the hint! Like if I'm invited out a couple of times and I keep saying no, most people will think 'she never wants to come out' and will stop inviting me!

Foresight

peachyprice wrote: »

Tell him you and your partner would love to go out with him sometime

It just sounds as if he's really lonely .

Exactly, he is really lonely and I feel really really sorry for him!