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Help - splitting up

noobin
Posts: 9 Forumite
Been directed to here from the debt free wannabe thread
Basically I am currently living with my partner (house with mortgage) and one month old baby. I want to split up with him because he has dreadful mood swings and smokes cannabis. I thought things would improve after the baby was born but they haven't at all and am struggling to cope.
Unfortunately I can't afford the mortgage on my own as I have large debts and am worried about ending up homeless me and my boy
My situation is as follows in terms of money:
Mortgage & Debts
Mortgage (joint names) £88,000 - last time house was valued it was worth £120,000 but I think with current climate this will have gone down, also think would struggle to sell as there is work needed which can't afford to get done
£30,000 loan with mortgage company - this is unsecured. This is in joint names also but was actually for debt I solely accumulated.
£10,000 owed to Natwest for loan and overdraft. I have received a CCJ for this but have put in an application to get this delayed until I return to work as currently on maternity pay and can't afford to pay back.
£500 storecard - currently informal agreement with them to pay back £5 per month
£550 Alliance & Leicester OD which they are threatening CCJ for unless I pay immediately
As you can see all in all my life is a bit of a mess and am desperate to get out of this situation
I am off work on maternity until October. My mum will be looking after baby whilst I am at work so no childcare costs.
I could move back in with my parents but not ideal as would be stuck in one room with a baby and obviously bit of a strain on them.
Am worried about just leaving the house as heard that I could not be allowed back in even though it's in joint names?
Help please, I don't know what to do.
Basically I am currently living with my partner (house with mortgage) and one month old baby. I want to split up with him because he has dreadful mood swings and smokes cannabis. I thought things would improve after the baby was born but they haven't at all and am struggling to cope.
Unfortunately I can't afford the mortgage on my own as I have large debts and am worried about ending up homeless me and my boy

My situation is as follows in terms of money:
Mortgage & Debts
Mortgage (joint names) £88,000 - last time house was valued it was worth £120,000 but I think with current climate this will have gone down, also think would struggle to sell as there is work needed which can't afford to get done
£30,000 loan with mortgage company - this is unsecured. This is in joint names also but was actually for debt I solely accumulated.
£10,000 owed to Natwest for loan and overdraft. I have received a CCJ for this but have put in an application to get this delayed until I return to work as currently on maternity pay and can't afford to pay back.
£500 storecard - currently informal agreement with them to pay back £5 per month
£550 Alliance & Leicester OD which they are threatening CCJ for unless I pay immediately
As you can see all in all my life is a bit of a mess and am desperate to get out of this situation
I am off work on maternity until October. My mum will be looking after baby whilst I am at work so no childcare costs.
I could move back in with my parents but not ideal as would be stuck in one room with a baby and obviously bit of a strain on them.
Am worried about just leaving the house as heard that I could not be allowed back in even though it's in joint names?
Help please, I don't know what to do.
0
Comments
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I'm so sorry you're going through this.
I'm afraid I don't have a lot of advice (I'm sure somebody will be along soon to offer words of wisdom), but I do know that if it were me personally I would definitely speak to my parents to see if I could stay with them until I got onto my feet. I don't think there are many parents out there that would turn away their child in their time of need, especially with your particular situation.
Perhaps you could speak to them to see what their view would be? I'll bet they'd be happy to see more of their grandchild anyway and they may be able to take some of the strain off you physically by helping with the baby, as well as definitely helping you financially by providing a stable home for you until you get things sorted.
You never know unless you ask.
I wish you all the best xThrilled to be DEBT-FREE as of 26.03.10
Hubby DEBT-FREE as of 27.03.15
Debt at LBM (June '07): £8189.190 -
I have made an appointment with the local authority housing team to see what my options are but my parents have said I could stay with them if need be. I just want to fast forward my life to a time when I'm away from all this mess to be honest!!!!
We did split up in October but he promised to change so went back a couple of weeks later, thought once baby was born things would be different but that's not been the case0 -
So long as you are jointly on the mortgage then you both have equal right to remain in the house or to re-enter the property at a later date.
You say you are planning on returning to work in Oct. Not being funny but looking at your financial situation can you afford to wait?
Your parter will obviously have some responcibility financially towards your child (assuming it's his) so it may be possible for you to remain in the house and him move out - all depends on what he earns and you will earn etc. If you are not married then a lot of things will be simpler to sort out, unfortunately he'll be jointly liable for the £10k loan - although if you ran up the debt then the fair and honourable thing would be for you to agree to take this on obviously - if you can't pay it then they will chase him for it whether he spent it or not...DFW Nerd #025DFW no more! Officially debt free 2017 - now joining the MFW's!
My DFW Diary - blah- mildly funny stuff about my journey0 -
I have made an appointment with the local authority housing team to see what my options are but my parents have said I could stay with them if need be. I just want to fast forward my life to a time when I'm away from all this mess to be honest!!!!
We did split up in October but he promised to change so went back a couple of weeks later, thought once baby was born things would be different but that's not been the case
You might find it helpful to speak to your local CAB first... I'm not sure if the local authority will house you so long as you have a home - you own a property after all and you are not being abused so they have little need to home you - if you walk out the house in their eyes you will be making yourself intentionally homeless...DFW Nerd #025DFW no more! Officially debt free 2017 - now joining the MFW's!
My DFW Diary - blah- mildly funny stuff about my journey0 -
Hi there,
Will your other half move out or does it have to be you that leaves?
My nearly ex hubby moved out almost a year ago, and financially I have just about managed, although still some debts to tackle.
If you speak to the DWP, and the Tax Credit people, you'll know where you stand with benefits, etc
If you move out, what will happen to the house? Will he buy you out?
Hope you can sort things out.Leilasmum0 -
Thanks Mrstine for advice
Yes the baby is his, no question about that.
I am going to see the housing team as it said on their website they give advice about housing and debt, said they would also contact the CAB on my behalf so thought maybe i'd see them and then the CAB. my house would be reposessed if i dont pay my mortgage so then i would be homeless, that's why i need to see them asap i think. Does that make sense?
There is an issue that me and my son could be in danger once he knows i'm leaving him, there is a history of suicide in his family and he threatened that when i left last time so i'm really worried about what he may be capable of.
i appreciate your advice :beer:0 -
Hi there,
Will your other half move out or does it have to be you that leaves?
My nearly ex hubby moved out almost a year ago, and financially I have just about managed, although still some debts to tackle.
If you speak to the DWP, and the Tax Credit people, you'll know where you stand with benefits, etc
If you move out, what will happen to the house? Will he buy you out?
Hope you can sort things out.
i'm hoping he'll agree to move out so i dont have to leave with our son at least in the short term. my soon to be ex wouldnt be able to afford to buy me out or keep the house on his own unfortunately0
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