hard work being a mum

ameliarate

I could throttle him, really.:mad:

My daughter's boyfriend (of nearly 5 years), decided he is no longer in love with her and they split up at the weekend. Fair enough, expect, she is in the middle of her second year exams at university!

In fairness he is a lovely lad, but I am so cross that he couldn't have somehow managed to put this off for a week or so until her exams were over. She is naturally devastated. I have to take her back to university tonight, 100 miles away from home and I really can't bear the thought of leaving her there.

It really is so hard sometimes being a mum. I just want to take all the pain away from her, it is breaking my heart to watch her suffer so much.

Sorry, just needed to get that off my chest.

Knub

Quite inconsiderate of him...however, playing devils advocate:- after 5 years together when would be a good time to tell her?

I can understand that waiting another week in the grand scheme of things could have saved her a lot of extra worry about exams, making it more bareable by just having to worrry about the breakup.

He might have been putting it off for a while already though. I have been in a similar situation with a girl who was quite emotionally fragile, only 2 years but still it was a very difficult thing to do.

She will get over it in time, she will just have to pull it together and crack on with the exams regardless. All may seem lost for her at the moment but using the old cliche time does heal! She needs to get on with whats important at the moment and that doesn't include him anymore!

Alcmene

She could consider applying for Extenuating Circumstances and taking her exams as a first sit in August.

ameliarate

Knub wrote: »

Quite inconsiderate of him...however, playing devils advocate:- after 5 years together when would be a good time to tell her?

I can understand that waiting another week in the grand scheme of things could have saved her a lot of extra worry about exams, making it more bareable by just having to worrry about the breakup.

He might have been putting it off for a while already though. I have been in a similar situation with a girl who was quite emotionally fragile, only 2 years but still it was a very difficult thing to do.

She will get over it in time, she will just have to pull it together and crack on with the exams regardless. All may seem lost for her at the moment but using the old cliche time does heal! She needs to get on with whats important at the moment and that doesn't include him anymore!

Thanks, I know you are right but that week would have allowed her to concentrate on her revision and to have been at home to "lick her wounds".

tanith

Its always sad when relationships break up maybe it might be good for her to have something else to concentrate on at this time... I am sure she will be fine she can lean on her uni mates and maybe they will give her good advice too..
Its not only Mums who struggle but grandmas too.. my 21yr old grandson and his lovely girlfriend have been together 4 or so years and I have just heard that he has started seeing someone else and is trying oh so gently to let down his girlfriend , she is a bit clingy but a lovely girl and I feel so bad for her that he being so lilly-livered about the whole thing , I know its going to break her heart but rather that than being strung along don't you think? I am so angry he is being so cowardly that for two pins I'd take her aside and tell her myself BUT I WON'T its not my place of course... doesn't stop me wanting to give him a good clip round the ear...

Knub

ameliarate wrote: »

Thanks, I know you are right but that week would have allowed her to concentrate on her revision and to have been at home to "lick her wounds".

Very true, you could try as suggested above and goto the Exam Board and apply for Extenuating Circumstances?

Even if you tell them about the situation and they are aware of it when marking it might help. She might not even need it!

ameliarate

tanith wrote: »

Its always sad when relationships break up maybe it might be good for her to have something else to concentrate on at this time... I am sure she will be fine she can lean on her uni mates and maybe they will give her good advice too..
Its not only Mums who struggle but grandmas too.. my 21yr old grandson and his lovely girlfriend have been together 4 or so years and I have just heard that he has started seeing someone else and is trying oh so gently to let down his girlfriend , she is a bit clingy but a lovely girl and I feel so bad for her that he being so lilly-livered about the whole thing , I know its going to break her heart but rather that than being strung along don't you think? I am so angry he is being so cowardly that for two pins I'd take her aside and tell her myself BUT I WON'T its not my place of course... doesn't stop me wanting to give him a good clip round the ear...

Oh I hope my daughter's "ex" isn't seeing someone else because that really would be the last straw for her - they are also both 21.

Knub

ameliarate wrote: »

Oh I hope my daughter's "ex" isn't seeing someone else because that really would be the last straw for her - they are also both 21.

As mentioned above, when I had to end it with a previous girl it was because I had found another girl

Although to be fair I was good and did the right/honourable thing first before persuing it any further - we have been together 6 years and still going strong

Silverbird

My husband's horrid ex split with him on his birthday whilst on holiday, the poor soul.

(Then she wanted him back and he finally ditched the evil cow himself at a later date ... he waited after their holiday had finished though.)

I guess there really never is a right time and you don't know exactly how long he'd been feeling this way. I think if it were me I would feel sick to be with that person, knowing I was deceiving them whilst I was still with them, pretending to be in love. I would want to finish it ASAP for both our sakes. The other thing is that he may have met somebody else and is doing the honourable thing by splitting with her before doing the dishonourable.

However, I totally see where you're coming from, but perhaps this may even help her focus on her studies and exams (by blocking him out). If she doesn't think it will, then she should definitely seek to take her exams at a later stage if she can.

dieselhead

It sounds crazy but having her exams to focus on may take her mind off things, when I was sitting my A'levels, my boyfriend and I split up, my cat had to be put to sleep and to top it all off I got a tummy bug that meant I spent a couple of my exams dashing out to the loo to throw up. I think focusing on the exams was the only thing that kept me sane, that and my mum, keep on the end of the phone and I am sure she will be OK.

ameliarate

dieselhead wrote: »

It sounds crazy but having her exams to focus on may take her mind off things, when I was sitting my A'levels, my boyfriend and I split up, my cat had to be put to sleep and to top it all off I got a tummy bug that meant I spent a couple of my exams dashing out to the loo to throw up. I think focusing on the exams was the only thing that kept me sane, that and my mum, keep on the end of the phone and I am sure she will be OK.

Oh bless I just want to cuddle you now!

I know she will be ok, after all I brought her up to be strong and independent, it's just watching her pain is awful and I just feel he could have waited one more week............... still he didn't and now we have to get on with it.

It really is hard sometimes being a mum, on the bright side however, I get to cuddle her a lot.