** Weekend Chat 6/7th June **

Bunnyinthelights

Luc,
You are doing all the right things, time to relax and be 'you' is so important, exercise is vital.

Speak to your HV, there is therapy and you don't always need to go down the anti-d route.

Lucifa73

Thanks Bun x

It's not everyday, I just have the odd blip and I feel kind of silly talking about it:o but you're right - I should talk to HV.

Doomy - I'm guessing you mean well but effectivley telling me to snap out of it isn't helpful - I've been trying to do that for a couple months now and the 'brave face' isn't holding so well anymore. Trust me - it was a big thing even to type that first post.

Burlesque_Babe

For me, depression was a feeling of 'nothingness', I couldn't feel anything, however hard I tried.

Life became very routine - through choice I think, it was the only way I coped with what I was going through (I was bullied by my manager to the point of redundancy and then being paid hush money when I put in a claim for constructive dismissal). I got panicky if anything strayed from the norm - even leaving for work 1 minute later was a problem, I would get stressed if the clock in the kitchen said 8.02 rather than 8.01 at the latest. I cried driving to work, I shut myself off from the world and gradually became too scared to do anything. I often just wanted to sit quietly in the corner of a room on the floor The food I bought and cooked became repetitive, because anything else was out of my routine. I never went anywhere other than work for months. I had nightmares, I became paranoid, I felt worthless and gradually got to the point where I felt I wasn't worth anything or could do anything. I just felt 'nothing'. I used to look down and see I'd dug my nails into my arms VERY hard and left marks, the pain it caused when I realised was some small kind of release. I looked haunted. I had my photo taken for a press event and someone saw it in the paper and came to tell me how ill I looked. I put the 5 stone I'd just lost back on - in around 5 months - I used to eat huge amounts in secret in the afternoons. I used to get very upset about thinking that one day Charlie would die I basically stopped functioning, I guess it was a breakdown.

I eventually went to my GP and said I felt as if there was a man running around in my head waving his hands and shouting I could still describe him now - he looked like a character from a Raymond Briggs cartoon I vaguely remember my GP writing and saying the word 'manager' on a pad, but I can't remember what I said

I was given anti-depressants, I took them for 4 weeks and felt myself smile for the first time. By then, I knew I could get out of the situation and when on holiday I stopped taking them and when I got back I had a letter all ready to say stuff your job, I'm taking the redundancy.......and re-built from there .........it took a year though and I still have tiny little things that aren't quite right, I'm still very routine driven and my socialising is still pretty non-existent through fear and the thought of losing Charlie still makes me upset.

So............if it is anything vaguely like that, please speak to someone Luc, try asking for counselling rather than tablets if you aren't keen but please remember not to be embarrassed. It is a chemical reaction in the brain, rather than just something you need to 'pull yourself together' about.

Burlesque_Babe

I also apologise for rattling on.

ZTD

spud30 wrote: »

It's not too bad Pap. I'm tempted to do a few K on the treadie this aft. I know I've been told to rest, but I need to lay these doubts to rest before we get to Leeds

Don't do it.

Doomcow

luci - im not saying snap out of it, im saying take some time for yourself and stuff..

im no good so i'll keep schtum.

becky_rtw

Yep totally possible to cry and ru by the way - I did it a few times over xmas when my Granny died and then my best friends dad, running can give you that nothingness escape if you need it - but its not a 'cure all' and definitely speak to someone as soon as you can...

Sorry no other advice thats helpful

Lucifa73

Thank you so much BB. There is a sense of numbness to everything I do and I feel as though I am just functioning to provide others with what they need/expect from me...

I feel a little ridiculous too though - I have no reason to be depressed - I have a beautiful, healthy baby boy and a husband who would do anything for me yet I still can't shake this feeling:o

ZTD

Lucifa73 wrote: »

Thanks Bun x

It's not everyday, I just have the odd blip and I feel kind of silly talking about it:o but you're right - I should talk to HV.

Postnatal depression is pretty common. How depression affects you will be unique to you. Neither your HV or GP are going to go "Shock! Horror!" (:eek:) when you talk to them.

Lucifa73

Doomcow wrote: »

luci - im not saying snap out of it, im saying take some time for yourself and stuff..

im no good so i'll keep schtum.

Sorry Doomi - crossed wires - I guess I'm a bit over sensitive at the moment - still friends?