Funeral Cars

copier_guy

My Grandad died on Thursday and my mum and her brothers and sisters are working out the funeral arrangements.

Just need some advice on the funeral cars.

I have just been told that my wife will not be allowed to travel in a funeral car with me. They are having the hearse, the 1st car with his sons and daughters and then a 2nd car with gran children.

No wifes or husbands are allowed in any of the funeral cars?

I have never been to a funeral were this has been the case. Is this the norm?

chalky_75

So depends on each individual family. One piece of advice keep things as calm as possible at such a difficult time -- people are so sensitive.

McKneff

Sorry about your Grandad, I can see the logic, only blood relatives in the cars is what they are trying to do. No, i havent heard of that one either, or a car just for grand children. Dont know whether you realise how much funeral cars cost, if other halves were to be accommodated it would cost around £150 per car.

Dont kick up a fuss, either travel in the car or just say you will make your own way with your wife.
Like Chalky says, down to each individual family and no pun intended but youre a long time dead.

ailuro2

I was once told off for not being in the funeral car.... it just didn't feel right for me.

Ask if you can travel with your wife, but make sure it wouldn't upset anyone to have you do so.

Sorry you lost your Grandad.

The_Banker_5

It depends on how many funeral cars there is.

Your grandfathers spouse (If still alive) and any children would travel in the first car.

Considering funeral cars only hold 7 people I think then in a situation where there are say six children with six spouses ..............thats 12 people.


Who would you say should go in the first car.

jackomdj

As Chalky said go with the flow on this one, as it is the choice of the children & they are not doing one thing for one grandchild & something different for another. Does your wife drive? If so no problem - could she offer someone a lift, if not could she get a lift?

It may actually work out easier for you as your car will be at the end destination (if you are going somewhere else after the funeral) rather than having to get back to where you are all getting in the funeral car.

When my Grandad died we had cars for his children & everyone else had to make their own way, although we were allowed to follow the funeral car.

HTH
Nicky

Felicity

Sorry to hear of your loss.

I can understand the logic perfectly.

I can also understand why it may upset some people.

I would just go with it, accept the wishes of your parents (they may also have been the wishes of your Grandad?).

This is not a day to be making a fuss, standing up for what you think is right / principles etc.

I hope the day goes as well as can be expected.

kazwookie

Sorry to hear of your loss.

For my mother we didn't have any cars, as we all walked to the church, the undertakers could almost of walked with the coffin to the church, but we asked for a hearse to go the short distance.

For my grandmother, she left wishes all 6 grand kids travel in a funeral car, all spouses were driven by my now ex hubby in our car behind the funeral car we were travelling in.

copier_guy

Thanks for the reply, much appreciated!!.

My grandad is the last member of his family, his wife (my mums mum) died years ago.

My only thinking was that i would like my wife next to me in a car at a upsetting time. However the people organising the funeral seem to be competing with each other!!

Also my grandad left plenty of money!!

Think i might drive there and back in all honesty.

Thanks again for your replies

Janepig

I suppose it depends on the family and closeness of relationships, etc... I would have thought that perhaps the spouses of the deceased's children would be able to travel in the mourners cars, perhaps even more so than the grandchildren, however, if there's a fair number of children, then the arrangement in the OP sounds good to me.

Funerals can be a minefield, and I would just try to go with the flow. As slights go, I would imagine that the spouse of a grandchild not being accommodated in a funeral car is not a very big one. The problem being as well is where do you stop - you accommodate one spouse, because there might be room, but then others want to know why their spouse has not been accommodated. And so it goes on.

MIL had a tough time afew years ago when her sister died. The night before the funeral she asked her BIL what time she should come to the house for the pre-funeral service and he told her not to, that she should just go to the crem. She was also not allowed in the funeral car as it was her BIL, his DD, SIL and two grandchildren, along with another sister and her husband. So despite being very close to her sister, MIL and her brother were elbowed out. There was no family feud or anything else to blame for it, and she was terribly upset, still hasn't forgotten it really, although she doesn't bear a grudge to her BIL.

And don't even get me started on flowers, and who can send them, who clubs together, who pays for what, etc........ Nightmare. It really annoys me when people let all this stuff get in the way of the fact they've just lost a member of their family.

Jxx

copier_guy

Just found out that they dont want flowers sending!!!

Contributions to the Douglas Macmillan Home.

My grandad was a keen gardener, he loved flowers.

Im gonna go with the flow like you all suggested, and just do as they ask.