asking mum to look after baby?

pattycake

hayleyc wrote: »

My son is now almost 20months and I went back to work when he was about 10 months old. I went down from full time to 16hrs. At first I was dubious about asking my mum and my fiancee's mum to look after my son, but it's worked out wonderfully. They both really enjoy their day with him, and don't find it too much work. If anything I think my fiancee's mum would have him more often if she could

I think the main thing is not to take it for granted, and to see how it goes. As long as your mum is enjoying her time with the baby and isn't too worn out I'm sure it'll be fine.

Hayley

I care for my granddaughter two days a week while her mother is at work. My GD is nearly two. I love her to bits and enjoy my days with her BUT I would not say it is easy. She is a very easy little girl but also lively. I have her from 07.30 until often 17.30. It is a long day running after a toddler. I do find it tiring but I would not swap it for the world.

My daughter does not pay me and in fact, as I buy stuff especially for my GD (wipes, whole milk, yoghurts etc) it actually costs me money. However, my daughter likes to treat me every so often. For example, last month she took me to the theatre which was much appreciated.

My daughter is a secondary school teacher which is a very demanding full-time job. My GD goes to her other nana one day and week and to nursery the other two days. Although my daughter and her husband both have very well paid jobs, full time nursery would be a drain on their resources.

consultant31

Spicey wrote: »

As a grandmother, who has looked after my GD since the age of 3 months, I thought you may like my oppinion. You dont say how old your mother is. You say she has a part-time job. Looking after a baby is great but it becomes a differant matter when they become toddlers. Also the government wont pay for help from grandparents we are expected to be free labour.
If your mother does look after your child while you work, remember she might not want to babysit at other times or have child overnight. Many of my freinds have also done the unpaid childminder job and I can tell you after a year or 2 it does loose its novelty, so this is when you should start looking for a nursery. I know 2 grandmothers who pay for the nursery fees!
I know this is a hard choice for you. I wish you all the best.

I'm so glad to see that I'm not the only nanna who feels like this. My GS is only 9 months old at the moment and I don't have him all day very often, but my goodness when I do, I'm absolutely shattered by bedtime. I just adore him (we waited a long time for our first grandchild) but wouldn't want to look after him full-time. I agree with the poster who mentioned it changing the dynamic of the very special relationship between grandparents and grandchildren.

OP if your Mum gave up her part-time job, could you afford to pay her a similar wage to look after the baby? I don't think I'd want to come home from work and then have to look after a little one straight away, especially as they become more mobile. The best thing though, would be to play it by ear at the beginning and keep an eye out for your Mum getting a bit cheesed off.

Abbafan1972

I have 2 girls who are aged 7 & 5, so both at school.

When my oldest was a few months old I went back to work part-time, my mom looked after her (and then subsequently my youngest) for 2 afternoons a week, I also used to work Saturday, but hubby was at home then.

Having my Mom looking after the kids has definitely put a strain on our relationship and things are still not right now. It was only because my Mom offered to do it at the time. We offered to pay her, but she refused money.

If I'd have known then what I know now, then I would have done things different.

I would consider using a childminder or nursery if you can claim it back from the tax credits.

westcountrymaid_2

pattycake wrote: »

I care for my granddaughter two days a week while her mother is at work. My GD is nearly two. I love her to bits and enjoy my days with her BUT I would not say it is easy. She is a very easy little girl but also lively. I have her from 07.30 until often 17.30. It is a long day running after a toddler. I do find it tiring but I would not swap it for the world.

My daughter does not pay me and in fact, as I buy stuff especially for my GD (wipes, whole milk, yoghurts etc) it actually costs me money. However, my daughter likes to treat me every so often. For example, last month she took me to the theatre which was much appreciated.

My daughter is a secondary school teacher which is a very demanding full-time job. My GD goes to her other nana one day and week and to nursery the other two days. Although my daughter and her husband both have very well paid jobs, full time nursery would be a drain on their resources.

Another Granny here, I look after my two and half year old GD two sometimes three days a week. I don't work outside the home and I love having her. I honestly don't know if I would have the energy to do it if I was working all morning though. I'm not that old (51) but toddlers certainly keep you on your toes.

I don't get payment for it but my daughter really appreciates me looking after her and she does the same, gives me little treats as a 'thank you' throughout the year. I just feel so lucky to be able to have such a great relationship with my GD when many of my friends grandchildren live so far away.

I know what you mean about the wet wipes, and yoghurts etc.........

Janepig

Perhaps a mixture of you, grandparents and nursery would seem like a good idea. My cousin does that, with her boy going to nursery two days a week, grandparents two days, and then she doesn't work on Fridays and has him then.

My DS is in nursery 3 days a week and although not cheap it has enabled me to keep my job, which I love and would never have been able to get back if I left it, and also although I'm sure MIL would have agreed to have him, and DD before him, if I'd asked, activity wise, short of watching TV all day and occasionally going to the park perhaps, that would be it, whereas at least in nursery they do various activities, with a bit of TV watching for good measure!! I'm not saying all grandparents would sit their grandchildren in front of the box though!! Plus I would have felt terribly beholden to her if I had involved her. And if my mum was still alive it would have been the same - I would still have chosen nursery.

MIL looks after DD for afew hours after school 3 days a week and that's enough imo. I'm very grateful for it and DD loves it and gets ruined up there, but I hate having to rely on her and I'll be glad in September when I change my hours from 3 whole days to four days of school hours and I'll be doing all the school runs and childcare!

Jxx

moneypanicker

I thought i'd give another perspective. I work and use a childminder and nursery to look after my children whilst at work. I am not in a position to use grandparents to look after my children as they live too far away however if they did live close i would not let them have my children. My kids get so excited about the prospect of seeing their grandparents - would they still feel like this if they saw them everyday.

A large majority of people i feel take the p*** with using their parents. I know several grandparents who look after their grandchildren and although they will never say it to their children they are resenting it somewhat. Having the grandchildren once in a while is different from having them every week!

I know i won't be popular for saying this but when planning for kids we worked out salaries childcare etc before getting pregnant knowing full well that we would not be able to use our parents. My advice would be maybe use them for one day a week so your parents are able to enjoy the free time that they do have.:rolleyes:

Bitsy_Beans

pukkamum wrote: »

I think the main problem with grand parents being the childminder is that it changes the dynamic of the relationship.
Instead of nan being able to indulge her grandchild and simply enjoy them she becomes the 'mother' doing the disciplining etc.
Also a lot of our mothers have very different views on child rearing that we do, as much as i love my mum and think she was a great mum i still cringe with certain ways she has of doing things.
Maybe these are things to think about and maybe having your mum cover a day or two for you and nursery the rest of the time.

I'd like to offer my experience. My mum had my son from 8 months 3 full days a week (and for free :eek:). It hasn't changed their dynamic, he's still her grandson and vice versa. She actually misses having him (now I am at home with DD) so for some grandparents it can actually be a pleasure rather than a chore. My mum was prepared to discipline according to my parenting rules etc and it was a situation that worked all round. And yes he still gets spoilt by them. They adore him (bordering on a tad obsessive:o and my DD too)

stardoman

I think it depends on the grandparent. I didn't feel comfortable asking my mum and so chose a childminder when I went back to fulltime work when DS was 10 months. After 6 months or so, mum took me to one side and explained how hurt she was that I hadn't asked her to have DS. We then agreed she would have DS on a Tuesday.

As it happened, I still paid the childminder for the Tuesday just incase my mum couldn't have him one week. When DS2 came along, mum still wanted DS1 once a week.

Now I have 3 boys, and mums till has them on a Tuesday. My youngest isn't at school yet, so she has him all day on a Tuesday, picking the other 2 up from school.

My mum is 79 - so not young. But somehow she copes. For various reasons she hasn't had them for the last 3 weeks and was most put out.

My kids get excited about seeing mum, even though its a regular arrangement. The only negative is that she gives them far too many sweets and then complains to me that she thinks they have too many sweets. Arggggggggggggggggggg!

Mandy.

pamelab21

Hi all

Interesting to see the different point of views thanks!

I was thinking either full time with full time nursery or part time with mum looking after baby as she works mornings Mon-Fri and to allow her to get home and do drop offs and for me to go to work I would need to start at 1.30pm and work closes at 5pm, so 3.5 hours per day x 5.
My mum is 58.
I would need to look into the options of costs for maybe a full time place a couple of days a week and then my mum to look after baby for a couple of half days but by the time I have worked a full day that would only really cover the nursery fees........thats if my work allows.
Maybe jumping the gun but I like to have these things sorted in my head so I don't keep stressing about them!