How to bring a little peace in life while parents both work at different hospital !

sensibly_insane

My friends are having a tough time managing their kid who is four years old. The kid goes to the school in the afternoon. Mum works at the local hospital with odd shifts (days, evenings, weekends pro rota) and the father works 9-5, 80 miles away so effectively he is away from home 0600-2100 every day and she has to manage it all on her own.

At the moment, she drops the kid at a child minder's place sometimes but that's not always feasible all the times. Nurseries are very strict in terms of the closing time and she can't simply leave the hospital sharp at 5 due ot the nature of her work. Ultimately, they decided to go for an au pair but the one they organised through a website, ran away after two days. These guys are one of the loveliest people, I have ever met.We don't have kids so have no idea what to suggest.

I just wonder, if some wise people on MSE can suggest some solution which could bring a little peace and order in my friends' life.

efrieze

I would say that not all au pairs run away after 2 days and perhaps she could try getting another (maybe through an agency who could get her someone wuite quickly if needed). I hope she gets the help she needs. It can be tough.

Reggie_Rebel

The sensible solution would be for the mother to try to organise her job so that she could work structured hours

jog

My sister has used aupairs in the past, some have worked well, others haven't, and I'm afraid it can be a bit hit and miss. But they shouldn't be put off after one attempt!

I'm a nurse and do understand how difficult it is fitting shifts in around children, ultimatley there is very limited childcare for shift workers except nannies / aupairs and some childminders who will work shifts, but they were hard to find when I worked shifts, unless you are lucky enough to have family around who are able to help. If your friend knows anyone else with an aupair it might be worth finding out where they got them from e.g. which agency, alternatively, what about a nanny share with someone else? Again, perhaps someone at work might have a nanny who could job share?

In the end I took the decision to change jobs in order to be able to look after the children. Like your friends, my husband has often had jobs which have meant he has been working very long hours so in reality I have to be able to be around for the children. We don't have family who can help, it was our chioce to have children, so my career has had to change directions to fit around the childrens needs, something that I have no regrets about as my children are far more important than my career.

I think there are no easy answers to your friends situation, if they can't find good childcare then one of them will have to think about a change of job possibly.

jog

silvercar

In the end I took the decision to change jobs in order to be able to look after the children. Like your friends, my husband has often had jobs which have meant he has been working very long hours so in reality I have to be able to be around for the children. We don't have family who can help, it was our chioce to have children, so my career has had to change directions to fit around the childrens needs, something that I have no regrets about as my children are far more important than my career.

:T:T:T:T

Well said.

belfastgirl23

Personally I think the sensible thing is for dad to find a job closer to home being on the road for 3 hours to get to work and 4 hours to get home HAS to be unsustainable

sensibly_insane

Thank you so much all for your valuable comments. Well, she is already thinking along that lines to switch her career as a GP where she can manage her time more effectively. Still, she has to work for a while in the hospital before she could opt for being a GP. It is a matter of a couple of years, but these years would be challenging ones.

I guess au pair is the only viable option in this scenario, correct me please if I am wrong.Can anyone please recommend some reliable internt links, agency addresses to find au pairs? Probably, I am asking for too much but she is like the best ever friend of mine and it is really hard for me to see her struggling. I will definitely tell her about other options given by lovely members here, specially the ones put forth by Jog.;)

sensibly_insane

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

Personally I think the sensible thing is for dad to find a job closer to home being on the road for 3 hours to get to work and 4 hours to get home HAS to be unsustainable

I know he must be desperate about it . Only if he could have an option though

moggitymog

we had the same problem both of us work in NHS, different hospitals, initially we worked opposite shifts, then long days so one of us was always at home, we didn't have much family time but needs must. I now work 9 - 5 so i can drop dd 6yrs at school, partner still works long days so gets plenty of days off and we have a child minder for after school

sensibly_insane

moggitymog wrote: »

we had the same problem both of us work in NHS, different hospitals, initially we worked opposite shifts, then long days so one of us was always at home, we didn't have much family time but needs must. I now work 9 - 5 so i can drop dd 6yrs at school, partner still works long days so gets plenty of days off and we have a child minder for after school

Thanks moggtymog, how did you manage to work opposite shifts. As far as I know, it is very difficult to have rota changed.

sensibly_insane

Could somebody please provide some pointers for the arrangement of au pairs