Thinking of fostering

jackie_w

Hello there,

Sorry if this is not the correct board to post this on.

my husband and I are seriously considering Fostering. I have thought about it for a while, and now im not working ive thought about it even more.

There are so many questions that I have and im wondering if anyone can tell me the good and the bad.

If I were to foster. i think I would probably want to forster children under the age of 8 or thereabouts because ive got 2 kids of my own (aged 12 & 4). Parenting itself is challenging but very rewarding so Im kind of guessing fostering will be the same if not more challenging.

I understand it will be a job which requires you 24/7, 365 days a year.

Is there anyone out there who has done it and said it was the best thing they have ever done, or was it the worse thing they have done.

Would love to hear from you.

Jackie xx

caroline2960

Hi Jackie,

I have nothing useful to add but wanted to say that I think it is wonderful that you are your husband are considering caring for vulnerable children, My sister is a social worker and speaks so highly of the special people who open their doors to help children.

Caroline xx

jackomdj

My Auntie fosters. I am sure other people will come on & have done it themselves but I can tell you some of her views.

In answer to your question is it the best or worse thing I think the answer is simply yes. She has had some great experiences & some awful ones. She has done long term fostering (12 years +) & short term, she has had young babies, through to older teenagers & a couple of young Mums with their babies. She has actually adopted 2 of the children she fostered (although they have both left home now) & she continued to foster.

I think you have to be a special type of person to be able to do it. I also think it has a big impact on your children. Remember even the young ones can come with problems beyond their years due to some of the things they have seen.

Good luck
Nicky

Phantom_Flan_Flinger

My wife and I have been Foster carers for just over 2 years now, with Bedfordshire CC.

It is a full time job. Depending on the circumstances on which the child comes to you, there can be wide and varying challenges.

We cartainly have had no regrets.

It can take anywhere between 6 and 12 months to be approved though.

If you have any questions, I'll try to answer as best as I can.

purple12

Me and my partner have just started fostering a few months ago. We haven't got a massive amount of experience to share - we currently have an 8 year old girl with us but prior to that had a 9 year old boy. We do short term fostering and both placements were arranged very quickly! We are registered to foster primary school age children. So far, it has been an extremely positive experience and a constant learning curve!

I don't really think we are far enough along to judge finally (and I don't want to tempt fate!) but so far, we were expecting things to be much more difficult than they have been (although of course there have been moments.. ). I suppose it is made more difficult because we don't have children of our own.
I continue to work full-time however my partner is not working at the moment (he's studying with the open university).

If there is any other information though that I can help with, I'd be happy to respond. We are fostering with the local authority by the way.

GreenQueen

My DD is adopted. She came to us at 15 months having been in care since birth. I think people who foster are fantastic. I couldn't do it, knowing that the children are with you for such a short time - I know I would get too attached. Preparing the children to move on (or in some cases move back to birth families) has to be handled so carefully, especially with the littlies, who don't have a clue what's happening.

I have also had some experience with fostering agencies. From the age range you're talking about it sounds more likely you would want to fost through the local authority. Agencies tend to place the older children, larger sibling groups or children with significant difficulties (physical, mental, educational, behavioural) that the local authorities can't place with their own foster carers, who tend to take the younger, more straightforward children - although this is probably a generalisation.

My understanding is that the process takes a while and you learn a lot about yourself along the way - the adoption assessment was certainly like that.

Good luck. It sounds as if you've been thinking about this for a while and you're going into it with your eyes open and a positive approach. There is a huge need for good foster carers.

dora37

Have a look on your Local Authority website. They should have information and may have information open days too.

Good luck!

jackie_w

Thank you everyone for your replies. I just cannot stop thinking about this. My husband and I have spoken to my oldest son, and he thinks it would be a good idea. We have explained to him that the child/children who stay with us will not stay with us forever, its only to help them out. The only problem I have is I think he would get very attached, and I think I would too, but I just feel so strongly about it, that I really really want to do it.

I did call my local social work department who asked me some questions and explained a little bit about it, they will send me out an information pack. They said most foster carers request children about the same ages as me, so there is quite a demand for children of that certain age. She also said that because of the children I have and their ages they would probably recommend that we werent to take children older than 12.

She also asked me if I had a good support of family and friends. I explained that I thought I had. She also explained if my husband and I were ever to go out somewhere and wanted one of out friends/family to watch our kids and any foster children we had they would have to go through certain checks too. I thought this would be the case, but i dont know if anyone of my family or my husbands family would be bothered with this, I have a certain feeling they might think its a pain IYSWIM.

My husband knows someone who he works with and he and his wife foster, and they say it is brilliant, its one of the best things they have ever done. They dont go through the local authority, they are through one of the agencies, so I would need to check out the differences.

I have spoken to my MIL and my mum about this, and they both think I would get too attached. They have also said that they feel it would have an effect on our family life as in we might need to give the foster children more attention than our own children. I actually thought you had to treat the foster children as one of your own. They also said that they feel it would restrict us as a family because there will be certain things we couldnt do on a whim, ie go on holiday, or go visit family down south, so, it is something in which we would need to look at the bigger picture. Although this is something I feel really strongly about and really want to do, I dont want my own children to be held back IYSWIM. I might not bbe explaining this correctly so I hope you know what I mean, I dont want mty children missing out on life. Gosh I feel so selfish putting it like that cos there will be children out there who need fostering who have no life at all.

Jackie

gizmo111

Regards the checks for family it is a CRB check which is just a matter of filling in some forms and one initial interview to asssess suitability, not a check everytime you go out.

Regards your own children and being a family, you are entitled to respite care for the foster children so you could plan a holiday with just your own kids, although I personally feel if you foster as part of the family then the whole family should go on holiday rather than the foster children feeling different to your own kids. Practically if you foster then the spur of the moment things needn't stop - you can take foster children out with you or away for a couple of days, providing that it is not in school time. You need permission ot travel abroad from social services and sometimes the birth parents depending on the childs legal status.

If you have more than one foster child then I supose you would be looking at getting a bigger car for normal day to day stuff to get you all in. I have a freind who fosters and he has 6 children including his own and he bought a huge bus thing for them all to get into.

There is some more info over at www.ukaff.org and good luck with it.

jackie_w

Thanks gizmo,

Its good to know that if we were successful in fostering that the foster children can go on holiday too. I totally agree with you when you say that the foster children should go on holiday with you too. I thought you wouldnt be able to take them on holiday at all, and this was why I thought it would be restricting for my own children. i would never dream of going on holiday and not taking the foster children especially if I had them long term.

will check out that website you mentioned.

Jackie

jackomdj

I know my Aunt actually gets additional money to take certain children on holiday.