Unemployment Making Me Utterly MISERABLE!

andygb

toasterman wrote: »

I don't know why we have such a downer on 'older' people. I'm under 30, but throughout my life I've worked with some great people in their 50s, who were usually very well-rounded individuals with a wealth of experience in all manner of things.
I think it comes from the frame of mind that it was cheaper to fix something than buy new - so they were mostly very good at DIY, repairing electrical items..etc.
I went to Maplins for something a couple of years ago on a Saturday. Being a Saturday, 90% of their staff was A-level/uni students. I couldn't find what I wanted so I asked a staff member, who had no idea what I wanted.
They asked another, who started selling me something completely wrong.
Then they asked a much older cheap with a big bushy beard, who knew instantly exactly what I was talking about, and where to find it.
With age, comes experience?


On the subject of being miserable, I had a conversation with my girlfriend yesterday where she told me she was "losing patience" with me being unemployed. SHE's losing patience?!
I've gone from unemployed but optimistic, to giving up, into depression, then started counseling as recommended by my Dr (which is being paid for by my benefits, as there's such a waiting list on the NHS, and you have permanent blackspots on your medical record by attempting to get it).
Then a government assessment said I was no longer low enough to warrant sickness benefits, so am on jobseeker's allowance. I was actually looking forward to getting back to work, but I'm kinda back where I started - looking for a job, not finding anything, with no money to do anything.


My own boredom during the day (you can't spend ALL your time job hunting) has led me to wonder if it might be possible to set up some kind of unemployed-meeting-social-group-thing.
Certainly my confidence has shrank massively since I stopped working just because I'm not seeing/speaking-to anyone else most of the week. I've no idea what we'd do, but having very little human face-to-face interaction can't be good for you, and there must be hundreds of others locally to me with the same issue, that doing anything costs money, so barely leaving the house.
I've got plans for my own business but don't feel like I've got the confidence to try and sell anything/myself at the moment, which also causes problems when applying for jobs - I feel like I'm lying the whole time saying I "work well in a team" or whatever.

What would everyone think to that? Good idea?

Hi Toasterman,
your last paragraph sums it up nicely, it is all down to confidence. The longer you go without an interview, let alone a job, the more your confidence shrinks, even if you were formerly a confident person.
If it is any consolation, I am no longer getting any kind of benefit (because I have been unemployed for more than six months), and my wife is losing patience with me, despite the fact that my cooking skills have improved beyond recognition, and she is being served Gordon Ramsay standard food (well maybe not) as soon as he gets in the house of a night.
I also know what you mean about interviews, and having to say something that you cannot quite believe yourself, I was never any good at selling anything.
Keep your chin up.
Andy.

toasterman

andygb wrote: »

Hi Toasterman,
your last paragraph sums it up nicely, it is all down to confidence. The longer you go without an interview, let alone a job, the more your confidence shrinks, even if you were formerly a confident person.
If it is any consolation, I am no longer getting any kind of benefit (because I have been unemployed for more than six months), and my wife is losing patience with me, despite the fact that my cooking skills have improved beyond recognition, and she is being served Gordon Ramsay standard food (well maybe not) as soon as he gets in the house of a night.
I also know what you mean about interviews, and having to say something that you cannot quite believe yourself, I was never any good at selling anything.
Keep your chin up.
Andy.

Thanks for words, and in a way, it is a sort of consolation to know others are worse, horrible as that sounds. At least I don't have a mortgage or children who depend on me/my income.

My mood is so incredibly variable, I've got no idea how it'll react myself.
Some days I'm very optimistic, I'm just this minute reading the local paper and there seems to be more jobs than there were. Not thousands, but SOME. Certainly more than there have been recently.
I had the same thing last week though, and a couple of days later I'd kind-of given up hope again, and resigned myself to not being good enough to do any of them. I had this to a slightly lesser extent the entire time I was being paid to do my last 2-3 jobs - a feeling I wasn't good enough and that I should probably be fired. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy in some cases, so keep an eye on it. It's a constant debate in my therapy sessions.

The first thing that came to my mind when I read the bit about Gordon Ramsay standard, was that you spent the afternoons in the kitchen swearing like a trooper, then upset her by joking about her weight (as Ramsay has done in Australia this week with a female tv presenter he met).

Andytheengineer

I can understand the financial stress of being unemployed as im in the same situation.

But boredom? Never!

Try keeping fit, reading, or creative hobbies. It'll help you stay sane. :-)

The internet alone is a endless source of information and entertainment.
Plus you can make a little extra cash by selling items on eBay.

Any particular skills/interests you have?
I make music, fix/build computers and buy/sell on ebay.
I have friends who do graphic design, fix cars, paint, web design, write and many other things.
Sometimes it can earn a little money to help out but the main thing is that it keeps you feeling useful and productive.

Who knows it may even lead to new career paths or becoming self employed at some point?

andygb

Andytheengineer wrote: »

I can understand the financial stress of being unemployed as im in the same situation.

But boredom? Never!

Try keeping fit, reading, or creative hobbies. It'll help you stay sane. :-)

The internet alone is a endless source of information and entertainment.
Plus you can make a little extra cash by selling items on eBay.

Any particular skills/interests you have?
I make music, fix/build computers and buy/sell on ebay.
I have friends who do graphic design, fix cars, paint, web design, write and many other things.
Sometimes it can earn a little money to help out but the main thing is that it keeps you feeling useful and productive.

Who knows it may even lead to new career paths or becoming self employed at some point?

I totally agree, particularly about keeping fit, because a healthy body can help your mind.
Trying to do creative things is also really good, because it helps you to focus, and by training the mind in this way, you are better able to prepare yourself for work.
The worst habits are in my opinion - watching television and drinking alcohol during the day.
I thought about doing car repairs, because I used to restore classic cars years ago, and I still have a compressor and spray guns. The only problem, is that we have a very nosy neighbour, who has reported people in the past just for working outside on their own cars, so I can imagine what would happen if I started doing the odd repair job at the back of the house.

andygb

toasterman wrote: »

The first thing that came to my mind when I read the bit about Gordon Ramsay standard, was that you spent the afternoons in the kitchen swearing like a trooper, then upset her by joking about her weight (as Ramsay has done in Australia this week with a female tv presenter he met).

You must have been watching/listening to me when I cook, because I do have the odd "moment", no knife throwing - - yet!
Don't even start me on the "weight" subject, because that can get very touchy, particularly when she now expects a meal the moment she gets in, but blames me for cooking "nice" meals, which means she eats more.
We did think about opening a small restaurant, either here or over in France, but when you look at the statistics of how many fail, it kind of puts you off.

toasterman

Andytheengineer wrote: »

But boredom? Never!

Try keeping fit, reading, or creative hobbies. It'll help you stay sane. :-)

The internet alone is a endless source of information and entertainment.
Plus you can make a little extra cash by selling items on eBay.

Any particular skills/interests you have?
I make music, fix/build computers and buy/sell on ebay.
I have friends who do graphic design, fix cars, paint, web design, write and many other things.
Sometimes it can earn a little money to help out but the main thing is that it keeps you feeling useful and productive.

Who knows it may even lead to new career paths or becoming self employed at some point?

I was/am a geek. Exercise?! I don't think so.
I'm definitely not sat watching Trisha or Jeremy Kyle. That's about as bad as I can imagine and if I get to that point, I'll be in a very sorry state.

I do keep a very close eye on the news (sometimes depressing), have got very into Twitter, and write/comment on some blogs...but the fact it's not earning me any money makes me feel like it's time wasted.. a bit.
Spent a while writing some mini comedy-drama things, which I co-performed, recorded, edited, and played on community radio. All unpaid work though. Creativity is what saves me from going completely mad, I think.

I've got nothing left to sell on eBay, and have already painted the garage (not usable for storing cars...more like a concrete shed...but at least it looks nicer), built some garden furniture and are planning where to put the pond (just an idea in my head at the moment).
I had a crack at fixing computers, but got frustrated with end users expecting 10 year old equipment to be as good as new, and trying to get me to fix cable internet that turned out to be being illegally stolen from the cable company.

andygb

Hi Toasterman,
unfortunately a lot of people want something for nothing nowadays, and when they see someone like you or me, then they think it is time to take the mickey. I possibly have a wedding photography shoot lined up for October, but I get the impression that the couple want it done for free, and they don't even know me - cheeky sods. So, do I do this and use it as a learning curve, or do I just ignore it and move on?

rosered1963

Hi everyone - I relate totally to everything Toasterman has said. My confidence (which I always had a lot of - thought I could do anything) has all but gone. I have no money to even take the bus into the nearest town. Sometimes I walk (10 mile round trip). I think a group for unemployed people would be great. I feel kind of out of it with everything and everyone. I don't watch tv or booze during the day - yet! It's good to know I am not the only one, but I feel sad for anyone who feels like I feel. Not to mention the money issues. I, too, cook elaborate meals for my other half, have learned to do new things and I do keep busy, but I am starting to feel aa bit worthless. I have never had a problem earning money or getting work until now. Some days I think I have really given up.

andygb

rosered1963 wrote: »

Hi everyone - I relate totally to everything Toasterman has said. My confidence (which I always had a lot of - thought I could do anything) has all but gone. I have no money to even take the bus into the nearest town. Sometimes I walk (10 mile round trip). I think a group for unemployed people would be great. I feel kind of out of it with everything and everyone. I don't watch tv or booze during the day - yet! It's good to know I am not the only one, but I feel sad for anyone who feels like I feel. Not to mention the money issues. I, too, cook elaborate meals for my other half, have learned to do new things and I do keep busy, but I am starting to feel aa bit worthless. I have never had a problem earning money or getting work until now. Some days I think I have really given up.

Don't give up Rosered, we all feel like this - millions of us (actually that makes me feel worse ). Hang on in there and make lists of everything you are interested in, and everything you have ever been good at, no matter how silly it may seem.
There are going to be a lot of people wanting cheaper services in this recession, and that means that they will have to approach smaller businesses and "one man/woman bands", to save costs. A self employed person working from home has no overheads.
So, do a bit of brain storming and see what you come up with. Oh yes, your idea about groups for unemployed is a really good one.
Andy.

PlutoinCapricorn

Scoya posted a thread "what do you do with your time" in this employment section on 19th May. You may find some useful tips there.