I really need a hug...

madfrenchgirl

Ok before I reply to each of you individually, I just wanted to say that I am really touched by all of your messages of support. I love this forum, I ahve been on it on and off for the past 4 years and whenever I need advice, I always come back here. When I started posting on the wedding forum, I swore to myself to not start whining on here but I ended up doing it anyway. It;s funny how people you ahve never met can be totally honest with you and make you see things a different way. Thank you girls!

Actually, just re-reading all my answers makes me think I just needed to step back a bit and look at everything (not just the wedding) from a different angle. Scary how easy it is to lose the plot...

OK, now there is a hell of a lot of talking about virtual hen nights! But this sprouted another idea: the DFW board, the Thrifty board and the Arms board have their meetups, so... Why can't we have one? Those who got married can share experiences, show pictures, etc, those who are yet to be married can have a guilt free whinge about Aunt Edna and a few rounds, and those who just got engaged can be scared into not going through with it! LOL
And to save a lot of hassle, we can just say: "meetup at this time & place". Shall be simple enough for each of us to get there, after all we are all superwomen after all of this!

stumbjumper: we are in Southampton and just about got started doing gigs. Maybe someday, we will come your way. The French delegation is arriving the night before at 8.30pm and we are taking the whole family and bridal party to a chinese restaurant. But yes, I am sure the band will be able to come up wiht something.

Mshellsbells: yes it feels very lonely doesn;t it? Do you get interest from people who are not "supposed to" be interested at least? I have found that some of my colleagues have been more valuable than my own mother, for example.Thx for the invite for up north, it sounds like we could compare battlescars lol!

DrFulffy: yes I know about the bridezilla thing. I have been trying my best to shield it away and be nice to everyone. After all, I let them choose their dress and paid for it. I thought they would feel more involved in a nice way, rather than going "youa re wearing this and shut up". We talked about the hen night previously and I got asked for what I would like so I sent the email. Some people would find it more pushy if I had just called them to give them instructions and I cannot see them F2F: one is in Cornwall and until now I could not even see the only 2 local ones (I was working away form home during the week).

SammyGirl: funny you should be saying all these things. I ahd a good convo with OH and now that I am going to be at home every night, we have realised how much easier this si going to make it for us to organise everything ourselves and only rely on ourselves. And yes, I know about the stressy thing, it;s hard sometimes to not be a control freak. I never thought I would obsess so much about an email from China, or a hair clip, or chair covers or wanting things a certain way. And yes sometimes I do not like some people stepping in to do stuff but I gotta let them do it because I cannot make it myself. is it the same for you?

Rinroo: I hear you. OH and I re-assessed everything over a very nice chinese meal yesterday and life is going to be easier now that I am back home. I was at the end of my tether and I did not even realise. You have hit the nail int he right place there: the oohing and aahing is seriously missing from all of this. I know about families being a pain believe me: apart from the cousin thing, I have just had my father resurfacing after 6 years trying to get himself invited to the wedding and H2B's family tried to push another BM on us. I haven't had any of the moments that other brides would describe like your mom going teary eyed when you try your dress etc... As for the expenses, it is too late, I have already ordered their dresses. And thx for telling me you are a bit ocd too. It's super duper nice to know that i am not the only one and I know how hard it can be to admit it.

Ruthie5: I think the mega organised thing is due to being away up to that point. Had to live in hotels for 3 nights a week up until today for 1.5 years: been trying to cram everything from band practice, to DIY, to wedding organisation into one single weekend. Adding to that all the friends and family commitments an average person is still expected to do. All of this has transformed me into a mega organised freak and then into a super mega stressy ball. After all, how would you react after managing for so long and then someone telling you "no, can;t meet up then, gotta go food shopping" or asking you if they could meet up with you on a weekday when you are away.

Trina: "So anything can be saved, dont let anyone destroy your enjoyment of the experience." That is a good one I thought about and decided to keep in mind yesterday. You saying it now and all the other girls sharing experiences really does help. It;s just hard to believe it when people tell you it's gona be alright when they don;t have any evidence to back it up. And I have already asked the girls who could not make the official hen night if they would like to join me and the guys (provided they are not put off by their language/behaviour).

Mooky: the wedding is Sunday 30 August 2009. I have already ordered the dresses for the girls so cannot really have yet another BM or anything. Mainly, I ahve had support from the bestwoman... She is the only one who has taken the time to make us feel like a priority, calling in every week and she is the only one who has been oohing an aahing and showing excitement. She nearly got married (he walked out on her and it was for the best) so she is the best placed person to understand us.

mookybargirl

I'm glad you're better. Sounds like your OH knew exactly what you needed. 30th August isn't that far away, so I'd be expecting that people would be getting really excited and involved now If the best woman is also going on the hen, maybe she would love to help organise it.

I know that the dresses are bought already, but if your friends don't get their butts in gear and make you feel like this again, take the other option and drop them! You don't want to be worrying about all this stuff in the run up to the wedding, it should be relaxing and enjoyable for both you and your OH

rinroo

MFG - You sound a lot more in control now and a lot less stressed - Again I can sympathise with you dad - I dont talk to my mum, haven't done for years but now she is going out of her way to find out info about the wedding thinking she can just turn up - again another story.

I am glad thought that your managing to see things from another angle - oh and we all get whiny at some point!

madfrenchgirl

You know what they say: you gotta hit the bottom before you can resurface. LOL

Rinroo: families are such a blessing, not! I bet it is made worse by people trying to feed on the gossip. And I also bet you do not want to talk about it anymore because there is very little point in reminiscing. I have told very few people about my dad because I do not want to have to explain, yet again, why I don't speak to him. Some people, bless their hearts, have been lucky enough to not come across enough family crap experience to be able to understand (I wish them to stay this way). Hug to you! Stick to your guns on it.

luxor4t

Sorry, I was missing-in-action & only just recovered from the funny cocktails:o

mookybargirl wrote: »

....
I know that the dresses are bought already, but if your friends don't get their butts in gear and make you feel like this again, take the other option and drop them! ...

Shame I'm too old, I've never been a bridesmaid

Tigerlilley1980

Aww hunny big hugs. I have been having the same problem with my chief bridesmaid! She is my best friend but is never around, she knew my dress came yesterday but didn't answer her phone and hasn't been back in touch. I can't get hold of her and she is doing my head in! I am so tempted to sack her as there is no point in having her as my chief bridesmaid if I can't talk to her. Although I am really soft and don't like upsetting the apple cart so sacking her would cause no end of grief.

Tiger xx

floss2

Tigerlilley1980 wrote: »

Aww hunny big hugs. I have been having the same problem with my chief bridesmaid! She is my best friend but is never around, she knew my dress came yesterday but didn't answer her phone and hasn't been back in touch. I can't get hold of her and she is doing my head in! I am so tempted to sack her as there is no point in having her as my chief bridesmaid if I can't talk to her. Although I am really soft and don't like upsetting the apple cart so sacking her would cause no end of grief.

Tiger xx

Sounds like she's resigning anyway

madfrenchgirl

I know Tiger! Certainly a case of not trying to upset people while still getting things done. It can be awful sometimes to ask friends for favours: you cannot push them to do things but yet you still need them to do it.

It must feel quite lonely to have a gorgeous dress and not being able to show it to anyone. Especially since she is the one who is supposed to get excited about it with you. You cna always take a picture of you in it (surely there must be a member of your bridal party that can help you) and post it on here and we will all go "ooooh" for you. :-)