I really need a hug...

madfrenchgirl

I have been away from home for my job during the week for a year and a half now. Today is my last day away and I am coming home tonight to start on a new project that would allow me to come home every night.

Yet, I ended up having a binge eating session and crying myself to sleep.

Why do I feel like this?

Because it has become obvious this week that my bridesmaids do not consider this wedding a priority.

My chief bridesmaid had to be fired because she disappeared for 2 months and came back with a lame excuse for it. i cannot be bothered to chase her to let her know that she has been demoted to guest only now.

One bridesmaid and female usher (SIL) came over this weekend and instead of shopping for me, they were shopping for their ball. I had to come back the following day with them to show them stuff I wanted them to see because we did not have the time the previous day.

Another one had uni work to do and promised she would be available at the start of June for whatever I needed her for and of course, turns out other things crept in.

Also realised that no one has read or listened to a bloody word I have written or said because I find I have to repeat myself. I find it extremely hard to get them to come back to me on anything regarding their outfits/hair/accessories let alone me. I am also struggling to contain myself when they make suggestions on things that I have had to choose all by myself because no one was available to give advice back then.

And also, it has become pretty obvious that no one gives a toss about my hen night. I have sent guidelines of what I wanted and did not want. I still get asked what I want to do now. I sent those instructions 2 months ago! It has also become pretty obvious that none of them has been talking to each other and have given some thought about it until now. I just got asked for all the girls I want to invite email address (and email only because it's easier, nevermind the fact that I do not have them and only have phone numbers). Nice initiative that comes a bit too late if you;d ask me. I have the feeling that no one is going to turn up.

I have a feeling that my bandmates (who are all blokes), whose ambition is just to take me for a p1ssup about the town, will deliver a better "unofficial" hen night than them.

Of course, I am only a stressy bridezilla, I am not allowed to tell anyone off for making me feel this way. I should not worry, everything will be fine. I am strong abider of Murphy's law but they don't seem to realise that I only get one hen night and ONE wedding.

I would just like to be someone else's priority for a change. How do i go on about it?

I ahve had more effing support from this board, my company flat room-mate, my colleagues and the bestwoman than from them.

val_84

Sack them all and we will all do a hen night for you on here!!!!

lol, Im sorry, Im not one who can keep my opinions to myself :rolleyes:

its rubbish but to be honest you need to be selfish in this sort of thing, its your day (and OHs) and its about what you want! I would get them all together and say either they start listening and taking it seriously or you will find someone who cares

Sorry I cant be anymore help

PS :grouphug:

lindaatno9

I think maybe it's because you quite rightly want everything to be perfect and because no one is listening to you, you fear it won't be. It will.
((((((((((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))))))))))) for you anyway.

Why not include the bandmates in the hen night anyway. That way you will be guarenteed a blast!!

debs2327

(((((( HUGS ))))))))
madfrenchgirl everything you have written is whats in my mind at the minute as i dont feel like any gives a toss about my wedding too as i live in the same town as my h2b`s family mine lives 200 mile away and has done or asked very little about anything to do with the wedding , i have now decidied that i`ll do things without asking any of them and enjoy the planning with my h2b cos bless him hes trying to help but he hasnt got the same vision as me but is having his 2p`s worth in too and loves all my ideas , , think the only person who i can talk to about my plans is my mil cos she has been a god send ( doing catering , cake paid half bridesmaids and pageboys , )
you obviously sound stressed and before you do turn into bridezilla you should put all your wedding stuff away for 1 month and have a break from it as it supposed to be a happy occasion planning a wedding , then you`ll feel all refreshed again , ive tried not to mention the wedding all the time and in every conversation and ive tried not to tell ppl what to do and just mention it to them that this and that needs doing , im sorry if this sounds nasty but it sounds like you are being a bit structual and demanding about when things and wat things have to be done and by who and thats why ppl have kind of blanked off from you , think you just need to relax a bit do it and enjoy the process like i say have a break from it xx like the other girls say it`ll be perfect and just the way you want it to be but it`ll be more of an enjoyable time if you relax a bit ,, ive thought about when ppl see everything ive planned on the day and i can say ive done it myself i know i`ll be proud if that and so will my h2b xx

SmlSave

((hugs))((hugs))((hugs))(hugs))((hugs))((hugs)(hugs))((hugs))((hugs)(hugs))((hugs))((hugs)(hugs))((hugs))((hugs)(hugs))((hugs))((hugs)(hugs))((hugs))((hugs)(hugs))((hugs))((hugs)(hugs))((hugs))((hugs)(hugs))((hugs))((hugs)(hugs))((hugs))((hugs)(hugs))((hugs))((hugs)(hugs))((hugs))((hugs)(hugs))((hugs))((hugs)(hugs))((hugs))((hugs)(hugs))((hugs))((hugs)(hugs))((hugs))((hugs)(hugs))((hugs))((hugs)(hugs))((hugs))((hugs)(hugs))((hugs))((hugs)(hugs))((hugs))((hugs)(hugs))((hugs))((hugs)(hugs))((hugs))((hugs)(hugs))((hugs))((hugs)(hugs))((hugs))((hugs)(hugs))((hugs))((hugs)

extra BIG ((HUG)) madfrenchgirl

madfrenchgirl

Thx girls.

Debs, I have tried the structured approach, I have tried the subtle hints, I have tried telling them off too. nothing seems to work. I understand they all had their priorities, I was told to wait until a certiand ate, the date came and went and nothing is still being done. I cannot take a "wedding" holidya either: the big day is at the end of August. But thx about the whole "family is away and cannot help".

I have tried giving them the democratic choice and they never came back to me but heaven forbids I inpone anything on them.

Unfortunately, Val, I cannot fire them: I need one of them to take care of my family coming over (they don;t speak a single word of English and she is an expat too), one is my SIL and the last one is the only one who is remotely giving me any emotional support.

Linda: I cannot really invite my bandmates, they would not fit at all into the whole thing since we are a Who tribute band (I am Roger Daltrey). I did dare my drummer to turn up dressed as a drag though (he is like my brother). It;s funny how you get the support from the "wrong" people: the bestwoman, the band (really not wedding types) and on here, where I find the kindness of strangers.

Thank you.

Minxy_Bella

I'm sorry if you're going to find this a bit harsh but I have to be honest here - I think you need to chill out bigtime, hun.

What on earth is wrong with having your bandmates at your wedding? If they are the ones who are showing you love and concern at a time in your life when you feel you're being let down by your friends and family, it seems to me that your bandmates are the ones who you should be celebrating with you.

I do get why you're upset but, and this is a big but, you have to appreciate that your wedding is not the most important thing in other peoples' lives (and I say that carefully, as I got married 9 weeks ago this Saturday). I organised my wedding to within an inch of my life and still people let me down on the day - which irritated me slightly but it really didn't matter as we were having such a good time.

The point is - you are marrying (hopefully) somebody you cannot live without. Who wears what with which colour sash is all gravy - it's the icing on the cake but the cake is the important bit.

People will come round and help you a bit nearer the time, I'm sure but you have to do what you want and if they don't like it, then tough. I would be wary of sending 'instructions' and being a bit bossy though - it's human nature to dig your heels in if you think someone's telling you what to do, rather than asking you.

Be nice. Be happy. Have a fantastic day.

xx

madfrenchgirl

My bandmates are coming to the wedding and we are having a separate hen night with them. I do love them to bits and I know I can rely on them. After all, they turn up to gigs and rehearsals and help me set everything up and we still are able to go out and have a laugh. Sure it's not all pink as we are all different personalities but we know we are all working towards the same goal and care deeply about one another.

I am aware of the whole "being bossy" thing. And I am aware that the wedding is not everyones' priority, but as I previously said, I have backed off for all of them because they were all busy. I never asked for the moon: organise hen night (going to the dogs, they have left it so late that 5 people cannot make it now), give me measurements by a certain date (which 2 of them failed to do) and tell me what accessories they would like so I could make them (they wanted their dress in black so they could wear it again, so need the accessories to match my red dress, I am the one paying for their dresses and let them choose it).

stumpjumper

madfrenchgirl wrote: »

we are a Who tribute band (I am Roger Daltrey).

Who?







seriously hugs.

you know - my best man never got round to organising my stag party... (tho knowing what he's like i held on to the wedding rings till we were in the church!)
same with DW...
we had a combined stag and hen night the night before the wedding, the pair of us and a couple of our close friends had a quiet drink at our local - no silly hats/t shirts or out. at the end of the night she went home and i went to my folks for the night.

sure it wasnt what was origonally intended, but it worked out for the best in the end and it was a good night


ps. i know a few good venues for tribute acts if your ever up in lancashire

mshelsbels

I'm with you girl.....big big hugs from me, but only if I can have them back!
I'm feeling pretty blue too, had an awful week at work and feel no-ones really interested in my wedding. HTB has been working away this week, so am missing him oodles and am sure I'll feel much better when he comes home.
Wish you were local to me....you could pop over, have a nice bottle of wine and do girly wedding planning!!!
Try to keep your chin up - I know its hard at times, but you will have the most fabulous wedding day. And dont forget you have all of us lot on here for virtual support!

Hels xx

lindaatno9

((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))) for you to helsbels.