Need a bf

woody01

Do you have straight mates?
I have 2 gay mates. They are great fun, and they pull the women better than any of my straight mates do (including me).

When we all go out of the beer, these 2 and 4 or 5 straight fellas, we all have a laugh and just like each others company.
We do take the !!!! out of them aswell, but they do us too. It's all part of being mates.

Thing is, and this is important, is that they don't flaunt it all over the place. If they started getting camp and doing 'gay stuff' in full view of everyone then things may be a little different.

I popped into Queens Court for a beer last night

Sorry...but that did make me laugh

Taye wrote: »

haha bless i know how you feel hun im a 31 year old single hetrosexual woman...

Well thats a crime in itself.
Let's go out for the afternoon

OrangeProse

woody01 wrote: »

Do you have straight mates?
I have 2 gay mates. They are great fun, and they pull the women better than any of my straight mates do (including me).

When we all go out of the beer, these 2 and 4 or 5 straight fellas, we all have a laugh and just like each others company.
We do take the !!!! out of them aswell, but they do us too. It's all part of being mates.

Thing is, and this is important, is that they don't flaunt it all over the place. If they started getting camp and doing 'gay stuff' in full view of everyone then things may be a little different.

Not wanting to get on your back here but why should your gay mates censor their behaviour in front of you? You wouldn't do it with them so the fact that your friendship is dependent on them not 'getting camp and doing gay stuff' in front of you sounds a little unfair. It's a bit like saying that I'd happily be your friend as long as you don't speak with your usual accent in front of me.

It's statements like this that can make gay people feel sidelined and of less worth than others - perhaps something the OP has experienced. You should accept your mates for who they are - whatever football team they support, whatever colour their eyes are, wherever they're from, and whether they're gay or not. You can't start putting behavioural conditions of this sort on friendship.

OP - please don't start thinking that there's a 'magic bullet' or that you wished you were straight. You can't change it, so celebrate it. I understand that there aren't many opportunities to meet people in a small village, and that the 'scene' in cities can be a bit shallow, youth-obsessed and noisy, if you're not used to it.

And it may have just been a phrase that you used without thinking, but 'personal choice' has nothing to do with it. Being gay is as genetically fundamental as eye colour. End of.

The internet's a good idea. I've met several fantastic people through internet sites - friends and partners. Another idea is to see if there's a gay-orientated group of something you like doing - whether it's cycling, rock-climbing, boxing, knitting or furniture restoration, I promise you that there's a gay group somewhere that facilitates meeting people. They tend to be in the cities, but they're usually away from the scene.

You say that you don't venture very far. My advice would be to get out there and broaden your horizons. I did - I was a young guy from a small village. I took myself off to America after university and had an absolute blast - on my own. I met so many cool people on my travels and some friends I am still in touch with to this day. It's amazing how a bit of travel suddenly makes the world seem a much smaller and more manageable place.

So get out there - it's a fantastic world out there and you deserve to experience it!

Horace

Despite my username on here I am a girl but I have a lot of gay mates (only one couple are girls, the rest are chaps). Now some of my male gay friends swear by this website for meeting other likeminded chaps - it might be useful
http://gaydar.co.uk/

BTW the more you look the more desperate you will appear and that puts people off (its the same for us girls) try starting out as mates and don't actively look as you often find that when you're not actively looking then you will find someone.

Life is too short to stay at home so go out there and seize it with both hands:D

The_Banker_5

Horace wrote: »

Life is too short to stay at home so go out there and seize it with both hands:D

If he's going to sieze it with both hands I suggests he stays in the house and does it.:D

battyboimatt

Hi All,

Thanks for the the replies again, its cheered me up, and Orange Prose thats exactly where I am going on Sunday own my on America lol, Flordia Las Vegas and Key West, still nervous about flying mind after yesterday with air france and I've even been invited for a drink with a str8 man in Leeds whoop, I used to love Leeds, miss it sometimes, really nice city but yeah the gay scence can be a paint shallow and youth oriented lol, once again guys such a big thank you for your support, I love this site PS all these gay friends you have, send them my way lol

Matt xx

OrangeProse

Hey Matt, result - you'll love Florida, you'll love Vegas. Just hit New York and you'll have done the CSI tour! I haven't been to the Keys but everyone I know who's been says it's amazing. Take a digital camera and take photos of EVERYTHING whilst you're there. Holiday of a lifetime, believe me.

With the other stuff, don't sweat it too much. It'll come. I found, when I was younger (I was single throughout my teens and large parts of my early to mid 20s) that when I focused too much on 'finding a boyfriend', I neglected all the other parts of my life like work, fitness, friends, interests etc. I felt rubbish all the time and I thought it was all down to not having a boyfriend, when in fact it was because I wasn't investing in myself...

(Sorry, can we just pause here - I've used the phrase 'investing in myself' without irony. Just shoot me now.)

...and then when I did get a date I found myself with not much to say as I didn't have much else going on in my life.

So here's the key. Make yourself happy (now is not a time to insert inappropriate jokes, thank you) in your life. Fill your life up with stuff. Go out, stay in, join the gym, join a kickboxing club, go on holiday to fantastic places, fly kites in the Peak District with friends, take up applique, learn to take a car's engine apart and put it back together again (I have done all of these things, just so you know. Hated the applique but hey, horses for courses.)

Then when someone comes along (and someone always does come along, as BeenieCat says usually when you're not looking) you've got a full, vibrant life which helps you maintain perspective for all the dating/relationship stuff.

And just one other thing - the city/scene thing. Yes, it can be shallow. It can be nasty. It can be full of hen parties who think that gay men are pets (don't get me started on that one).

How.

Ever.

Cities are also fantastic, vibrant places, full of life in all its forms. You can carve out a niche for yourself in a city in a way that you maybe can't rurally (speaking for myself here, anyway - I do love the country but my heart definitely has a tube station underneath it). In short, if you live in a city, you can avoid the scene, but still have access to all the other great things that a city can offer, if you're gay.

Take me as an example - I live in London and I work in Soho, which many would consider to be one of London's gay 'centres'. There's a lot of 'scene' here and to be honest, I avoid most of it. I'm not single, I don't like bars (I don't drink) and I have to be in the right mood for clubbing. But living and working here has its advantages. There are gay people EVERYWHERE - in shops, cafes and restaurants, on the street, working hard in businesses, just like me. Making a connection with someone doesn't require going out on the bar scene. I get asked out by other guys on the street here all the time - and I'm NOT an Abercrombie & Fitch model.

So give the city another thought. Perhaps.

Anyway, I've rambled on enough. I hope you have a fantastic holiday.

OrPr. x