My Friend died last night what do i do?

KK22_2

Just do your best to be there for her and the kids. Perhaps offer to look after them at somepoint so she can take some time to herself without worrying about holding it together for the kids.

If you were able to, it would be helpful if you could go along with her for things like getting the death certificate, registering the death, funeral arrangements, etc. These things can be really overwhelming so a friendly face would be nice.

Also, if you had time, you could perhaps make a few meals that can be frozen for your friend. Sometimes after a death, food/shopping is the last thing on their mind so at least this way, there will be food for her and the kids.

Condolences to you all xxx

Hermia

I think helping with the practical stuff can be really useful. More importantly I think you should ask her whether there is anything in particular that she needs help with. I remember one of the most difficult parts of being bereaved is people trying to be helpful without actually asking what I wanted. I remember friends insisting that they visit the undertakers with me when I really wanted to go on my own or insisting that they do things that I didn't want them to do.

mountainofdebt

It might be an idea to offer to let other friends know, in a non-gossipy sort of way, if you know what I mean.

Talking it about it repeatedly may not want your friend needs at the moment

LabLover

I couldnt read youre post and run , Im so sorry for your situation. With regards to what you can do , just being there will already be a huge comfort for youre friend. I remember when my brother died I was only 19 and I went home to stay with my folks for a while to look after them becuase I knew it would hit them hard , and our friends and family took it in shifts to make sure the house was always full , this was great because as soon as it was empty reality sort of crept in. They done this untill funeral was organised and then after that they let us have some time to ourselves. I can remeber lots of people bringing us food , and even tho we didnt feel like eating it gave us something to do , go heat it up , lay out plates etc , Anything to take mind off , it was greatly appreciated. I think i must of made near to a hundred cups of tea just to keep myself busy. Maybe you could ask your friend if she needs you to go to shops(you will probs need a few large boxs of tissues). It took my mum a long time to be able to face the shops again.
With regards to the children it will take a long time for it to sink in for them but they probs wont know how to express themselves and it will be quite distressing seeing there mother so vulnerable. I remember getting really upset becuase the first thing friends and even family would ask me is " How is youre mum coping" Not really realising that it was a huge loss for me aswell. Anyhoo Ive rambled on a bit, but you see like a great friend to have anyways
xx

Zara33

pseudonym wrote: »

It just doesn't seem real, he went in with a broken leg, its just really hard, obviously the youngest doesn't know anything at the moment, her mum will tell her when she gets here.

It feels so surreal as if she's got it wrong or something

Gawd i know that feeling, and then expecting them just to walk through the door and for you to think it was a bad dream You just go onto auto pilot.

When my sis died in Sep the we man (8yrs) was very matter of a fact about it, however things are starting to appear for example fighting at school he's very angry. The school and myself are trying to push things along with berevement counselling but like everything else we are on a list.

We all have to carry on with life that's just the way it is, we will never forget that person, we just have to move on.

Be yourself and do the most you can, i doubt anyone could expect any more from you.

talulahbeige_2

Be there for her no matter how difficult you find it.
The worst thing is when people avoid you becuase they dont know what to say or how to deal with it.

newlywed

talulahbeige wrote: »

Be there for her no matter how difficult you find it.
The worst thing is when people avoid you becuase they dont know what to say or how to deal with it.

Yeah I agree. I had friends ring up to say they didn't know what to say - it still meant a lot to know they were even thinking of me And I knew I wouldn't know what to say in the reverse situation either.


Everyone keeps telling us the worst time is after the funeral, when all the arrangements are over and everything kind of quietens down. That's when you start to reflect and miss them and that's when people have kind of backed off a bit. So remember just to keep in touch afterwards.

pseudonym

Thank you everyone for your help and kind words. I took her to pick up her eldest daughter who took it badly but at least she is crying and letting her emotions out (if that makes any sense?)

She's been here most of the day, but she has gone home now to sleep and I have kept her youngest here with me as she's my daughters friend and playing is keeping her occupied.

I shall do a bit of shopping for her later and i'll be going over this evening to take her daughter home, i'll make some meals tomorrow too and take them round.

It just all seems so pointless, it was a death that could so easily have been avoided. I mean, he only went in with a broken leg

Stephb1986_2

My grandad had slipped and fell on his landing thought nothing of it really but rested in bed for about a week when he had trouble breathing my nan rang an ambulance when he went to hospital he was told that he had a broken ankle he was 64, as he was lying down in his hospital bed he was on water tablets so his lungs filled up with water, he also caught a superbug not mrsa the other one.

That killed him, if only comes to mind alot. That was 7 years ago before that he was a healthy man always walking into town everyday.

I still miss him

Thinking of you and your friend at this sad time

Steph xx

Tulip

thinking of you at this sad time

Katie