My Friend died last night what do i do?

pseudonym

My friends other half died in the night, i have her daughter here with me whos only 8.

My friend is on her way over and has no family in this part of the country, she will have to go home at some point and she also has a 13 year old, what can i do to help her get through the next few days?

Glamazon

Just be there for her. Offer to help with the girls, maybe cook for her or just be ready with a cup of tea and a shoulder to cry on.

pseudonym

It just doesn't seem real, he went in with a broken leg, its just really hard, obviously the youngest doesn't know anything at the moment, her mum will tell her when she gets here.

It feels so surreal as if she's got it wrong or something

withabix

Was this another case of MRSA?

Tragic whatever it was.

pseudonym

It was a blood clot that moved.

newlywed

((hugs))

My dad died suddenly a few weeks ago.

The shock makes you feel really tired.

For us it was the people who offered to help, people who offered to feed us (as for some points we didn't even know if we were hungry or not), those who looked after the kids etc. They did lots more than they probably even realised.

And doing the legal stuff like going to the funeral director together to make arrangements, phoning up to notify people, and going to the registry office to register the death were really horrid things to do and I'm glad we all supported each other and mum when doing these things.

I never realised how horrid all those necessary things are and how quickly after the death they need to be sorted

belfastgirl23

This thread was invaluable to me when a friend died suddenly

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=344578

If you can liaise or help her liaise with the undertaker that is particularly helpful since there a lot of questions that need answered and she might need you to either be a sounding board or even decide in some cases. Also I don't know your financial position but I found that having some cash in hand was really useful. For us the gravediggers needed paid in cash, also flowers and the priest. And the little tea that we had afterwards was payable in cash too, it all added up to the best part of £1k. That was before the actual burial costs.

At a later stage helping her to go through all the paper work is also an important task. And when she is ready helping her to clear out clothes etc.

But for now looking after her daughter is probably the very best thing you can do.

Lots of luck. What you're doing is stressful and horrible but so important!!

myrnahaz

Don't worry about what best to say etc (nothing you say will make her feel better), so just be there for her; listen to her when she needs to talk, make sure she eats, collect her groceries, prescriptions etc if you can, help with childcare, ironing etc and just be her friend. You're already doing a wonderful job in looking after her little one.
Don't forget that you're going to be grieving as well - if it's only for your friend's loss, so take care of yourself too.

belfastgirl23

Just to save you trawling through the thread above it occurred to me to say that if your friend is in receipt of certain types of benefit she will get money towards burial expenses - see here for more info http://www.dwp.gov.uk/advisers/sb16/funeral.asp

and may also get a one-off bereavement allowance of £2000 and ongoing support as widowed parent or ongoing bereavement allowance. This is a good info leaflet http://www.jobcentreplus.gov.uk/JCP/stellent/groups/jcp/documents/websitecontent/dev_015928.pdf

It's worth having a look because 'how will I manage' is often one of the big questions if the partner isn't working or works PT etc.

Also she should let her husband's employer know asap, there may be money to come in there too.

Sorry if I seem a bit over-obsessive about money but it can be such a worry to someone who is newly bereaved

gizmo111

She is going to be in shock and all you can do is be there to listen to herand offer any practical support you can as mlready mentioned above.
I would say though don't be surprised at the childs reaction to the news , a close freind of mine died a while ago leaving a 9 year old son and 15 year old daughter and after they were told, the 15 yr old kind of took it all in and went off to revise for her exams and the 9 yr old said thanks and wentot the park with his mates. It was a fair few months before he really understood that mummy wasn't coming back.

tori.k

gizmo111 wrote: »

She is going to be in shock and all you can do is be there to listen to herand offer any practical support you can as mlready mentioned above.
I would say though don't be surprised at the childs reaction to the news , a close freind of mine died a while ago leaving a 9 year old son and 15 year old daughter and after they were told, the 15 yr old kind of took it all in and went off to revise for her exams and the 9 yr old said thanks and wentot the park with his mates. It was a fair few months before he really understood that mummy wasn't coming back.

kids can be like that, it hasnt seemed to have touched my foster son at all at the moment that his mum passed away 4 months ago.
back to the point... just put the kettle on and be there for her, talk about him freely so she knows she can talk you you about him when she needs to, offer to help with the kids, she will more than likely need to off-load at lot over the next few week, death always brings out the worse in families...she is very lucky to have a friend that cares so much, my thoughts are with you all...