want divorce but husband won't leave house

longbaygirl

Long story, but in short we have 3 children and have been (unhappily) married for 15 years.

I want a divorce but husband does not and refuses to even talk about it. I have asked him to move out, and he refuses suggesting that I move out with the 3 kids (leaving him in the 6 bedroomed house with very little mortgage left on it).

I could probably rent a 2 bed flat on my salary with all the other outgoings for the 3 children, and I am desperate to get out of this marriage.

Where do I find cheap legal advice on what to do and how to get a divorce from someone who won't agree.

And how do I make sure it is a fair split - financially?

Slightly complicated as I know my husband 'hides' most of his income in his business and only pays himself a very small salary - so on paper I look like the major earner from my job, but he 'invests' 60k a year in the business and only takes minimum wage - so the business - his business has lots of money in it - with all his family as (non-paid) directors.

Sorry - getting complicated now. Can anyone advise me on what to do, and how much it will cost to get legal advice?

Should I move out with the kids?

pinkshoes

Perhaps a visit to the CAB would be a good starting point?

When was the last time you and your husband went out, just the two of you, and talked? Perhaps this would help?

Would you be happy to move out and leave the children with him in the house?

belfastgirl23

That's a tough one but didn't want to read and run.

Is your husband likely to want custody of the kids. If you think there's no way he will want it you could take the risky strategy of moving out and leaving the kids as a way to force his hand.

Other than that you have two options that I can see. One is to go to marriage counsellng and see if you can get him to accept that the marriage is over (some form of mediation is also good around custody issues etc so it could be a longer term investment in that way). Otherwise I think the best bet is to consult a solicitor and get proper advice about this. I can't see that costing a huge amount, some solicitors offer the first half hour free anyway and I presume the legal situation is probably pretty straightfrward. As far as I know there's no way to force him out of the house though, sorry...

the only other thing occurring to me is that you sell the house. Not the market for it I know but surely you'd realise enough cash to buy a decent-ish 3 or 4 bed? And it is a good market to be a buyer

Sorry cross-post with pinkshoes

longbaygirl

No - husband would not want custody of kids, and I would not consider leaving them with him anyway.

I am happy to find mediation, but he refuses to come with me.

Don't think I have time to join the que at CAB - it's always about 50 people deep round here!

Just want to know how much I need to pay a solicitor - do I just go to my nearest and hope they are good and won't string it out to charge me more money?

Kavanne

Do you know anyone who has gone through a divorce? Ask them who they used and if they would recommend!

floss2

longbaygirl wrote: »

......Slightly complicated as I know my husband 'hides' most of his income in his business and only pays himself a very small salary - so on paper I look like the major earner from my job, but he 'invests' 60k a year in the business and only takes minimum wage - so the business - his business has lots of money in it - with all his family as (non-paid) directors......

Do you have a copy of his accounts & the business bank statements? If not, then I suggest that you try to get hold of copies, and when you find a solicitor, lodge them with your solicitor as dated copies - they could be very useful & important when it comes to the time for financial disclosure. Also, what savings do you have as a couple?

If you can try to gather as much information as you can before you actually split up, it will be much easier than attempting to do it later when he has possibly moved everything from it's normal place.

prowla

So why don't you want to move out and leave the house to him?

longbaygirl

Thanks floss - good idea, he is pretty disorganised with paperwork, so it should not be too difficult to find copies of business accounts and the like.

Prowla - it is the upheaval for the kids I'm worried about, afterall, it is their home and if we move away we will have to find new nanny/nursery - even more upheaval for them in what will be a difficult time anyway.

With regards to the house - he can rot in it for all I care.

DaisyFlower

Who ever moves out will still need a place big enough to house the children for access visits, holidays etc.

If you are truly unhappy then I would move out, if you earn enough to pay a nanny than you should be able to afford the rent on a 3 bed place and the children will have to look at two of them sharing. You can then look at having your share in the original property released and use it towards buying your own place.

If he doesnt want the divorce then its unrealistic to expect him to simply move out - its home to all of you.

shellsuit

Unhappily married for 15 years?! How old are the children then??

lilac_lady

If your husband is refusing to leave the house and you leave he'll have to buy you out. He can't just stay there and pretend nothing has changed. See a solicitor as soon as possible. Good luck!