'Do old dating traditions still apply?' poll discussion

edited 1 June 2009 at 1:28PM in Money Saving Polls
66 replies 8.4K views
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  • shueyshuey Forumite
    15 Posts
    the restaurant
  • jd87jd87 Forumite
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    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
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    What if a man goes out with a man, or a woman with a woman?

  • edited 27 May 2009 at 7:45AM
    ceridwenceridwen
    11.5K Posts
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    edited 27 May 2009 at 7:45AM
    I'm not in my "dating days" any more.....but - when I was:

    Well....I wonder if that makes me "old-fashioned" - as I take it as read that if a man asks me out for a meal - then thats EXACTLY what hes done - ie he is the host and I am the invited guest - he pays.

    Being fairminded - I take it that its my part to show him a bit of homecooking (instead of the usual microwave meals the average man seems to live on) and invite him back at some point for a homecooked meal - at which I am the hostess and he is the invited guest - so obviously he doesnt pay towards it (I accept any bottle of wine he proffers as a share of it - and we drink that with the meal - but I dont expect that even and have bought in the wine myself).

    I've never forgotten the previous boyfriend that took me out for meals sometimes - but, in return, I cooked him meals sometimes. He never contributed (or was expected to contribute) anything towards the meals I cooked - never brought the possible bottle of wine. So I'd done my "share" - ie covered the cost and effort of doing nice homecooked meals - but latterly when I offered onetime to buy us both the puddings after the main course and waited for him to take the hint and offer pudding - he accepted! and I ended up paying for my pudding - and his too! - and he started to try to make that a habit. His meanness was part of the reason we finished not long after that....:rolleyes: I took it that he was trying to "set me up" to do his dirty work for him and finish the relationship - I duly obliged and did so.

    If I'm out with a "mate" who happens to be male for a drink then we alternate buying drinks. If out with a man who is boyfriend or potential boyfriend - then he buys the first drink and I'll offer to buy alternate drinks (though gracefully accepting if he insists on buying them all - combination of being a woman and I'm on traditional "womans" level of pay - ie pathetic - yes, I know, I know - theres men doing the same job as me and getting that same pathetic paylevel....:p).

    I think maybe my attitude comes from the fact that many woman in my (middle-aged) generation were brought up only being expected to earn "womans level of wages" - so we cant afford to split the costs totally equally with the men we date (who, almost invariably, are on traditional "male" level of income). If I was a generation younger - then I would be on a "persons" level of income and might well look at things differently - and blow the homecooked meals to "pay my way" that way (the food/the food and the effort in cooking something nice....dont get the wrong impression!).
  • purplegailypurplegaily Forumite
    48 Posts
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    If you ask someone out, it's all in the way it's phrased....

    Can I take you out to ......? (you are offering to pay)

    Shall we go out together, where would you like to go? (could go either way, as it gives them a chance to go for somewhere cheaper if they want to go halves)

    Do you want to buy me lunch? (expect a black eye, or a cheese sandwich.)
    Always on the look out for a bargain. :smileyhea Thanks if you've helped me bag one.
  • teddycoteddyco Forumite
    397 Posts
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    Girls don't want boys, girls want cars and money!
  • edited 27 May 2009 at 9:59AM
    Lucie_CLucie_C Forumite
    110 Posts
    edited 27 May 2009 at 9:59AM
    I believe that whoever does the asking does the paying. However, the other party can always share the cost by offering to pay for drinks, cinema tickets or other expenditures.

    I've been dating someone for a while and we take turns paying for evenings out (I make about twice what he does, but my mortgage, personal expenses, etc are higher) so it more or less evens out.
  • squidworthsquidworth Forumite
    170 Posts
    I assume that E to H means that one kindly offers to pay and the other politely declines and they pay half each, thats more the norm from my experience
  • cozlwcozlw Forumite
    55 Posts
    Part of the Furniture 10 Posts Combo Breaker
    I always go for I or K, either we split it or pay for what we have eaten. I rarely let a man pay for me, unless its a special occasion and not just a first date, e.g. a birthday or something, however I return the favour for them as well.
  • B.

    Would be offended by the suggestion of many of the other options.

    It's only OK in a "Let me take you to this place..." scenario.
  • hieveryonehieveryone Forumite
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    I'm a young-ish(!) single girl and have been on a few dates over the past year. If someone has asked me out, I expect them to pay. I know that sounds terribly old fashioned and stuck up, but like others have said, if they ask me, they are the 'host' and I am their guest. That said, I will offer to pay for drinks etc. I also wouldn't expect them to pay all the time.

    A friend of mine went on a date and they got a taxi home (two addresses). When they got to hers, he looked at the meter and told her 'that'll cover you to here' :o She was not best pleased and did not call him again! lol


    Bought is to buy. Brought is to bring.
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