The Double Debt Attack by Double Trouble

Double_Trouble

Thanks Shaun for your help.

I have tried the reasonable talk and look at it realistically with them but they are just blanking it out.

I have made a very hard decision which is to completely butt out and let them fail. It's hard to see your kids fail but until they do they will never face up to reality. We have already bailed them out once but no more.

I realise through a combination of us nagging and pushing them we are helping them to scrape by.

It won't happen straight away I think give it 15 months when her partner is not accepted for Uni because on reflection I don't see him being accepted by Dundee the way he is going and there is no guarantee that my daughter will be either unless she bucks her ideas up too. But if she does get in it will be interesting to see if she is prepared to support him for the forseeable future or whether that will take the shine off the relationship he certainly doesn't seem to have any intention of supporting her.

In the meantime we will house and feed them but other luxuries like paying her car insurance which will be due beginning of Jan we will not be paying. It will be hard not to say anything but otherwise we are just going to be in the wrong all the time and create an atmosphere. We have achieved very little so far with them so perhaps when things start getting a bit tough it will be the wake up call they need. The main thing is it will hopefully relieve the stress - I have felt better today and more productive so we will see.

I can't promise not to rant on here though sorry

DTxx

gilligansyle

Hi DT, sorry to hear of your troubles. It's very hard being a parent to what is technically an adult, but I think you are right and you just have to step back and let them make their own mistakes. Tough love is exactly that!

Is there a reason, other than not wanting to get out of bed, that he has not signed on? That would at least give him something, and as he's probably classed as a lodger, may be able to get some extra help.

Not sure how they will cope anyways at Uni, its an environment mainly geared around single, straight from school types, and any who need child care tend to be returning to education after working. Never having been to Uni myself, its a very strange world

Double_Trouble

gilligansyle wrote: »

Hi DT, sorry to hear of your troubles. It's very hard being a parent to what is technically an adult, but I think you are right and you just have to step back and let them make their own mistakes. Tough love is exactly that!

Is there a reason, other than not wanting to get out of bed, that he has not signed on? That would at least give him something, and as he's probably classed as a lodger, may be able to get some extra help.

Not sure how they will cope anyways at Uni, its an environment mainly geared around single, straight from school types, and any who need child care tend to be returning to education after working. Never having been to Uni myself, its a very strange world

Thanks for the support.

Signing on is just too difficult , too time consuming, too much effort - take your pick - same as sorting out getting his deposit back on the house they have just left - getting his name off the water bill and internet bill for there and anything else that doesn't involve computer games:rolleyes:

DTxx

tomtombeanie

:grouphug::grouphug: sending some dodgy hugs your way, DT! i agree with gilli - tough love is just that, but for what it's worth i think you are doing the best thing - for you and for them xxxxxx

shaun40400

HI DT
it is a very hard road you have chosen to travel ,,,,personally i think you are on the right track,,,im presuming oh is on board with you??

it will be a lot harder for you than it will be for the kids,,,mainly because you will see things coming way before they do,,and you natural instint will be to step in and warn / help them!!
you will need a strong resolve ,,,but i think everyone here is behind you:D

ps
its your dairy rant away,,,,,
mental note to self,, put ear plugs in before visiting DT's dairy
edit
just noted the travel references
hard road
the right track
on board,,,,,,,

SarahNeedle1872

Double_Trouble wrote: »

Thanks Shaun for your help.

I have tried the reasonable talk and look at it realistically with them but they are just blanking it out.

I have made a very hard decision which is to completely butt out and let them fail. It's hard to see your kids fail but until they do they will never face up to reality. We have already bailed them out once but no more.

I realise through a combination of us nagging and pushing them we are helping them to scrape by.

It won't happen straight away I think give it 15 months when her partner is not accepted for Uni because on reflection I don't see him being accepted by Dundee the way he is going and there is no guarantee that my daughter will be either unless she bucks her ideas up too. But if she does get in it will be interesting to see if she is prepared to support him for the forseeable future or whether that will take the shine off the relationship he certainly doesn't seem to have any intention of supporting her.

In the meantime we will house and feed them but other luxuries like paying her car insurance which will be due beginning of Jan we will not be paying. It will be hard not to say anything but otherwise we are just going to be in the wrong all the time and create an atmosphere. We have achieved very little so far with them so perhaps when things start getting a bit tough it will be the wake up call they need. The main thing is it will hopefully relieve the stress - I have felt better today and more productive so we will see.

I can't promise not to rant on here though sorry

DTxx

You rant away hun, thats the whole point!! I'm sorry you're having a crappy time, I hope things improve soon! It must be very hard for you, but I think letting them fail is the only way they will learn - not the same situation, but I am at that point with OH now too - why help someone who refuses to help themselves?!

(((hugs))) to you, hope your OH is supporting your decision..


Sx

claire0788

Double_Trouble wrote: »

Thanks Shaun for your help.

I have tried the reasonable talk and look at it realistically with them but they are just blanking it out.

I have made a very hard decision which is to completely butt out and let them fail. It's hard to see your kids fail but until they do they will never face up to reality. We have already bailed them out once but no more.

I realise through a combination of us nagging and pushing them we are helping them to scrape by.

It won't happen straight away I think give it 15 months when her partner is not accepted for Uni because on reflection I don't see him being accepted by Dundee the way he is going and there is no guarantee that my daughter will be either unless she bucks her ideas up too. But if she does get in it will be interesting to see if she is prepared to support him for the forseeable future or whether that will take the shine off the relationship he certainly doesn't seem to have any intention of supporting her.

In the meantime we will house and feed them but other luxuries like paying her car insurance which will be due beginning of Jan we will not be paying. It will be hard not to say anything but otherwise we are just going to be in the wrong all the time and create an atmosphere. We have achieved very little so far with them so perhaps when things start getting a bit tough it will be the wake up call they need. The main thing is it will hopefully relieve the stress - I have felt better today and more productive so we will see.

I can't promise not to rant on here though sorry

DTxx

Rant away ! DT I know it must be really hard for parents not to try to solve their childrens problems and make things better for them but at the end of the day you arent always going to be there to do it and we children (yes I like to kid on im still a child even at 21 ) have to sort out our own messes.

taxi73

I think you have come to the right deciscion in letting them make their own mistakes and leaving them to it.They have to learn from their own mistakes.It'll be hard though you not automatically helping them buy you just need to stay strong.We are all here when you want to rant.

Double_Trouble

Sorry to have been missing so long life is crazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzy

Still wrapping a seemingly unending pile of pressies and still more to be delivered no idea where they have all come from

Broke a tooth last night so off to the dentist tomorrow just what I need.:mad:

Just had a huge bill from Lanzarote the pool was worse than we thought and the water tank was leaking into it so had to be relined. We have decided that as it has now been renovated inside and out and is looking its best we are going to put it up fo sale - hopefully will make a profit we have had it 5 and a half years and also for selling the exchange rate has moved in our favour. No idea how long it will take to sell but when it does it will have a huge impact on our debt could even clear all our debt and mortgage if it sells well but we will have to see on that one - just seems the right thing to do its a luxury we can't afford and not to have any debt would be wonderful - I could then save :j and have my house altered to how I want - thats the other reason for selling - this house needs money spending on it and if we have to keep paying out for Lanzarote we will never have the money to do it.

If we do get debt free hope you will still allow me on here as I will be continuing my MSE stuff as I will need to save a huge amount to be able to do all I want to do to this house:rolleyes:

DTxx

Hopeful1

Double_Trouble wrote: »

Sorry to have been missing so long life is crazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzy

Still wrapping a seemingly unending pile of pressies and still more to be delivered no idea where they have all come from

Broke a tooth last night so off to the dentist tomorrow just what I need.:mad:

Just had a huge bill from Lanzarote the pool was worse than we thought and the water tank was leaking into it so had to be relined. We have decided that as it has now been renovated inside and out and is looking its best we are going to put it up fo sale - hopefully will make a profit we have had it 5 and a half years and also for selling the exchange rate has moved in our favour. No idea how long it will take to sell but when it does it will have a huge impact on our debt could even clear all our debt and mortgage if it sells well but we will have to see on that one - just seems the right thing to do its a luxury we can't afford and not to have any debt would be wonderful - I could then save :j and have my house altered to how I want - thats the other reason for selling - this house needs money spending on it and if we have to keep paying out for Lanzarote we will never have the money to do it.

If we do get debt free hope you will still allow me on here as I will be continuing my MSE stuff as I will need to save a huge amount to be able to do all I want to do to this house:rolleyes:

DTxx

Oh DT what a wonderful thought that there is a chance of being debt free. I really, really hope that that works out for you. I think your decision to sell is a good one, as you do seem to spend a lot on that house. The peace of mind you would gain from being debt free is priceless.

How are things now with your DD and her partner?