Can you really talk to your partner?

larmy16

I am wondering if I am expecting too much from my relationship?

I have been seeing a man for over two and a half years and he has so many lovely qualities. The trouble is it is difficult to have any kind of conversation with him bar his hobby, what he has had for dinner and his shopping list.

Do you think it is important to be able to talk to your partner or should you just accept them for the qualities they do have and be content to find your conversation with other people in your life?

Any thoughts on this. I can remember with previous partners chatting long into the night sometimes ( not every night obviously) but this one falls asleep the minute his head hits the pillow.

I sometimes ask him what he thinks about a current topic and he just says "I dunno" and turns back to the tv.

Can you talk to your partner?

Rockporkchop

No, you're definitely not expecting too much from your relationship. Conversation is a huge part of a relationship. What is he like when with friends and family? Is he talkative with them or just the same as with you? I personally couldn't go for the strong silent type, I thoroughly enjoy putting the world to rights with my DH, chatting about our days, what's on telly, moaning about family etc.

To stay with him for 2.5 years he must have some amazing other qualities though, only you can decide whether they make up for the lack of communication. If he is only willing to talk about himself and his hobbies and is asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow as you say then to be honest he sounds quite self centred and rude and if this is the case you definitely deserve better.

creased-leach

I'm not a talker- my hubby is. There are times when his need to talk drives me nuts. I occasionally take refuge with a mate with whom I can, quite simply, shut the ***k up as he's not a talker either.

If he's a good bloke, you have to decide if you can do your talking elsewhere. Is he there for you when you really need to talk? If so, then you need to decide if he's good enough to make the compromise for.

Zazen999

larmy16 wrote: »

The trouble is it is difficult to have any kind of conversation with him bar his hobby, what he has had for dinner and his shopping list.

It's all about him then?

bingo_bango

I'm on the bloke side of this fence, and could quite happily keep quiet most of the night. My wife would talk for an hour however about what happened at work.

What I've noticed is that the older I get, the less I feel the need to discuss what's happening in our lives. We still share everything (almost!) but I don't see the need to discuss every detail of what I've done with my day.

Don't assume that his not discussing things is an indication that he's bored or uninterested, he may just be like me and not want to chat all the time. That's what mothers and sisters are for :whistle:

blue_monkey_2

Depends some people like to talk a lot and others do not. I have friends that I get together with, one we will talk til the cows come home about everything and anything the other we read the paper and magazines and have coffee, we don't need to chat the whole time.

Is the silence unbearable and uncomfortable? What does he do for work, he might be tired? He sounds like my husband. My son has a form of Autism and he talks about himself the whole time and is not interested in anyone else - it is quite common, my husband is the same (I know exactly where DS get's his condition but ask him and he will say no) - does he have siblings/parents he has been able to talk to? He might not have the social skills that you have, not everyone has them.

I guess you have to weigh up the pro's and cons. You could find someone else to talk to (I do), your ex partners are that for a reason so they might have been great at talking but were rubbish partners, to stay with your current bf for so long he must have some good qualities, he could talk a lot and be an idiot and then he would be an ex....

I guess it depends what you want - and if it is just the talking you miss then maybe you could join some social clubs or stuff like that and enjoy having a good relationship other than that.

I also have to add that I am exhausted when I go to bed, bed is for sleeping not for chatting long into the night - I think that someone talking to me non-stop would drive me insane.

larmy16

Thanks all. No I don't want to talk long into the night and I don't chat incessantly either.

No its just the exchange of information, opinions etc, the confiding, the emotional contact type of thing I don't find with him. Yes he does have some wonderful qualities and being loyal kind and a good lover are just some of them.

I just wanted to know how other people get on with their partners. I sometimes think Im not too good at relationships - after two and a half years I think we have got into a bit of a rut. It happens. I think I am just a bit down at the moment and sometimes you focus on something to explain it away.

money_maker_3

Me and my OH dont talk that much - but that is mainly him !!!
He has always been that way, and I have been aware of it before we got together. We do talk every day, but only for about 10 mins on stuff that is not kids, work, dinner or something relating to the house !!!
Some men just dont talk !!!!!!

mrcow

Can i really talk to my partner?

Yes. I can talk and talk and talk about anything. All evening.
Whether he listens or not is another matter.

The thing you have to ask yourself though is are you happy with the current set up? We're not all candidates for Buzby adverts. Some people just aren't big on talking deep.

Does he talk about anything important? Or just "Hobbies" etc

NoahsPennilessMummy

I have often wondered this about my own relationship. My OH isnt big on talking either but I think it is a man thing really. I think its mainly us women who do all the yapping.
When I thought about it properly I realised that OH is brilliant in every other way.....he just doesnt talk a lot or in great detail.....having said that if I need to talk something through or need emotional support he is always there.
I guess you have to think it through yourself and see if it is all enough for you.....when I looked around around I realised lots of other people are the same and does it really matter as long as you are happy together.....if you are not happy and it is going to keep irritating you it may become a problem
blue monkey my son is also autistic and yaps all day about his things( clocks and numbers:rolleyes:) until I yearn for some peace and quiet time:rotfl:

SugarSpun

My husband's a talker. I'll talk if I have something to say. We manage, because we've clarified that he isn't attempting to annoy me into suffocating him with my pillow when he talksandtalksandtalksandtalksandtalks, and I'm not annoyed with him when I say nothing for a few hours at a time.

Having said that, when I am in the mood to talk he'll talk about just about anything I want to talk about and be delighted to share whatever it is I'm thinking. And if something's important to him I'll settle in and listen attentively and actively so he knows I'm paying attention.