What age can a child decide which parent to live with?

UKTigerlily

I think at his age it's important to keep as much stability as possible, for me everything was abotu loss, loss of my Dad, our home, my friends & at 30 i'm ill because of it all. I'mnot saying he'll become ill, but it's best to maybe think he's already lost a parent (I don't mean literally but it feels like it) & he may need the stability of friends & the same school & a home he knows. I'm sure too he'll be greatful u considered him & did what he wanted at the time. It's great ur there for him if it works out or not, I can imagine it's hard x

Dadsworld

My youngest son is 12 and wants to come to live with me and his 16 year old brother. We live in Aberdeenshire in Scotland and I'd like to know how the law works on this as I'm pretty sure his mother won't agree. His mum has married again and had another child with her new husband and my youngest is now being sidelined........any advice would be appreciated!!

pigpen

usually from about 11 the judge will take into account the childs wishes.. younger if they can show maturity and understanding about the situation and what it would entail.

clearingout

Dadsworld wrote: »

My youngest son is 12 and wants to come to live with me and his 16 year old brother. We live in Aberdeenshire in Scotland and I'd like to know how the law works on this as I'm pretty sure his mother won't agree. His mum has married again and had another child with her new husband and my youngest is now being sidelined........any advice would be appreciated!!

Is he really being sidelined or is mum dealing with the demands of a new born baby/older baby/toddler? You have a very fine line to tread in this situation - it is right, of course, that you should offer your children a home with you but you do need to be careful how you deal with this. I have no words of wisdeom - just be careful you don't come across as trying to encourage the boy to live with you, rather than letting him make the decision. Hope that makes sense!

LameDuck

In England courts let children decide from 10 onwards, I have 3 kids all of whom chose to live with me rather than their mum as she had a second family and they felt they were being sidelined - it may of been the fact she was dealing with a newborn(s) but their perception was that they were being treated as 2nd class citizens. I have always told them though, that if they change their mind and want to go and live with her I will not stand in their way, they are old enough to know their own mind.

crutches

I let my son go to his father and new family at 14. He had always wanted to be week on week off but due to distance that wasn't possible (200 miles away).I stipulated it had to be for at least 2 yrs for his education .It was one of the hardest things that I've ever done but it was what he wanted and he needed time to get to know his other family as a family not just as a holiday home.

Dadsworld

clearingout wrote: »

Is he really being sidelined or is mum dealing with the demands of a new born baby/older baby/toddler? You have a very fine line to tread in this situation - it is right, of course, that you should offer your children a home with you but you do need to be careful how you deal with this. I have no words of wisdeom - just be careful you don't come across as trying to encourage the boy to live with you, rather than letting him make the decision. Hope that makes sense!

Thanks for the reply, my ex hasn't got a newborn baby though, the wee boy is just starting school but it seems that my youngest just gets shoved in a room with an xbox to entertain him, it was the same story with my eldest (now 16) but at 14 he was being encouraged to 'grow up' too quickly, get rid of toys and concentrate on 'adult' things. when my eldest moved in with me two years ago he put a poster up on his bedroom wall of twenty odd very scantily clad topless women (which I promptly took down) that his step dad had given him. I;ve always thought that kids should grow up at their own speed and don't want this to happen with the younger one!

kiteslady

my stepson is 12 yrs old and has been desperate to move in with us for the last year.
My husband has joint custody of him, although he lives with his mum. we see him for over half the year, he has told his mum but she has threatened to take tablets and kill herself if he leaves. his school work is suffering, as are his friendships and self esteem.
We know his wishes are paramount, but wonder exactly where we stand legally?:(

RAS

kiteslady wrote: »

my stepson is 12 yrs old and has been desperate to move in with us for the last year.
My husband has joint custody of him, although he lives with his mum. we see him for over half the year, he has told his mum but she has threatened to take tablets and kill herself if he leaves. his school work is suffering, as are his friendships and self esteem.
We know his wishes are paramount, but wonder exactly where we stand legally?:(

You need to start your own thread but read this one first and contact the poster. https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2964100

Kimberley82

At 14 your son should be allowed to choose, being taken away from his dad and all his friends and school is very hard, do you really have to go so far? I would have hated having to choose between my parents at that age.