Could this home situation work?

xmaslolly76

HI and if you are pregnant congratulations :-)

Yes it will be tough and yes you will feel like pulling your hair out sometimes and no nothing ever goes completley to plan but if you both want a child and you think you are strong enough to cope with everything that gets thrown at you then you will make it work. There are very few people out there these days who have the perfect situtaion for bringing up a child but they still do it and they do it well. So i think your most pressing decision right now is weather a baby is what you both truely want right now. Good luck with what ever you decide :-) x

Flashdaisy

At the end of the day, everyone works with what they have; so if your partner is working nights then you'll find a way to make it work for you as a family I'm sure. When my eldest DD was a baby, her father worked nights for 3 weeks out of 6, and it was okay really, I would often take DD out first thing after breakfast, get back around lunchtime, and then just amuse her downstairs until he got up. It just required a bit of planning to make sure that I had everything downstairs that I needed for her for that day. The bedroom door was kept shut, we kept the telly fairly low in volume and other than that we didn't do anything different to normal really.

Good luck if you are pregnant.

choccybuttons

Hi

Dont underestimate those tax credits. I earned around 13K and got about £400 a month in credits when I had my baby.

I would advise you to get a job with a agency temping until the birth or short term contract as then you might be entitled to maternity allowance, which is about £100 a week.

eden37

My husband works either night shift 9-7 or early 6-3 or late 1-9 and the rota is usually out 1 month in advance.I work 3 full days a week and my mum sometimes picks up from school. My boys are both at school and I sometimes use breakfast club. My OH can also sleep at the drop of a hat and only needs 6hrs max sleep.I think this could work for you especially if you have supportive family around you. Good Luck!!

poppy9_2

We have a 6 month old DD and my DF has been working nights since just before she was born.

It works brilliantly for us. He gets in at 6 am ish, by which time I am usually already up with DD. I always do something in the morning, so I leave at c 9 am (baby massage, rhyme time, tiny talk, etc or just coffee with friends) and I normally get back around 1pm. I walk everywhere which keeps me fit and also keeps me out of the flat longer.

I come in quietly and have lunch, and DF is normally up by 2pm ish. so we then either go to the park or just chill out as a family. It's better than if DF was working days because he sees so much of DD.

McKneff

This is going to sound silly and off track but my husband has restless feet and he scrapes his feet on the sheets for hours, even when asleep. Its not the movement that bothers me, god its the noise. We ended up in sep bedrooms at one time, it was worse than snoring till i discovered earplugs, the little yellow ones, now i dont hear a thing and sleep like a log. Bliss. I dont even hear the alarm clock on a morning. Congratulations by the way.

Spendless

Hi- Don't know if this is any help but I have 2 friends who are/were childminders and their husbands worked night-shifts (one on permanent nights), so always babies/children in house when their hubby was sleeping. Their tip is to get a ceiling fan and get your husband to get used to sleeping with it on. They said the noise from this drowned out any other noise. In winter they added an extra blanket/duvet so it wasn't too cold. Don't know expensive these are to run though.

pelirocco

Kaz2904 wrote: »

Don't in any way want to put a downer on you but I'm fresh from an argument with DH.
My DD is 7 nearly 8. She was born at te start of my second year of uni. I worked 3 jobs before I had her, I stopped doing agency after she was born so only went to uni (1 job) and worked in a nursing home (another job). I qualified when she was 10 months and got a job working full time. I was pregnant soon after and had DS when she was 2 yrs 4wks old. I had 6 months off and went back to work. I was put on days for about 6 weeks and then was on nights all the time. Eventually I lost the childcare and went onto permanent nights.
This was eally hard when they were small, DD started preschool and I struggled on kipping on the sofa when they were quiet.
DS went on and started preschool, 2 sessions each day. They didn't offer a lunch club so I made DH pick him up in his lunch break which meant DH had his lunch 11.40-12.40 (early I know!). This meant I could sleep from 9.30- 2.30. Wow 5 hours!
Now DS is at school and I'm still on nights! DH has just said that I always said I'd reduce my hours with each child but haven't. I don't think so. I remeber his Mum saying that I would only go to work part time to let him get a better job and I said I don't think so, I earn more than him and he's happy where he is, he's not ambitious. (Don't think that went down too well).
Pointed out that I stopped agency work when DD was born and said I'd never said it when DS was born. He's mad and ssaying I'm missing out and wants me to ask to just work early shifts (absolutely never going to happen) and no weekends. He will/can not understand how we are allowed to work mainly late shifts, mainly weekends and mainly nights but not mainly earlies. Uh d'oh it's because lates weekends and nights are unpopular shifts unless you've got young kids.
So if I want to come off nights, I will still have to work nights, (still missing out), but will also have to work lates, (Who's going to get the kids from school?, still have to work weekends, (still missing out), and What happens if they are on holiday or off sick r inservice day?

Do you know what is the MOST annoying thing? He said he had to do the most for the kids. Maybe so now (he does get more time with them at weekends, reserved for doing fun stuff) but I don't see a way around. He won't discuss chaninging his working hours or even asking his boss but expects me to do it all. His boss would be happy for him to start working earlier some days because others do and the boss is always there. The only day I couldn't work a late would be a late shift would be a Friday as he's the only person there.

Personally I think I'll just get them to rota me for a month of days in September to see if he can cope with all the changing around. Cause it won't bloody happen. He doesn't know what they go to on what days, who their friends/parents are or how to get them fed a healthy snack after school and keep them satisfied until tea time.
Sorry to come on here and grinch!

The Op has said she wont be working ,so its different . Op people cope with all sorts when they have children , there is no ideal , just have to get on with it

kelloggs36

Exactly what I was thinking - you just have to do your best and get on with it. What's the alternative? He doesn't take the job and you struggle financially - is that an option for you? Life with children is a constant compromise - it probably won't be for ever, and even if it is, the child will have you at home full-time and will have stability and parents who love and care for them - they couldn't ask for anything more. There will also be days off and holidays too, so just enjoy it!!

lindsaygalaxy

I would temp until the baby is born as much as you can - save all of this money if you can live off your OHs wage as it will be good practice for when the baby comes.

Make sure you get a house not a flat so you can be downstairs when he is asleep - and preferably one where there is a door between the living part and them, this will help with noise reduction. Also houses with carpet rather than laminate will help with the noise.

When the baby is born you will get tax credits too, and if you rent privately possible some housing benefit, so try www.entitledto.com for a rough idea, put in that you have 1 baby and for dob just an estimated date.

Remember, when the baby is small and waking every few hours though the night you will be up and doing it all on your own, but it doesnt last forever! But with your OH sleeping in the day dont be afraid to ask friends and family for support so you get rest too!

Last thing, if you are pregnant, congratuations. Enjoy it, everyones situation is different and life is what you make of it, so dont worry. There will always be someone else in your situation. Many dad swill be working when the mum is home in the daytime so there are always lots of mummy and baby groups around, set a time with your OH about when you will be home (say 1 or 2pm) if ou do go out and make it a rule on his days off this is family time and time for you too! Everyone needs some time for themselves too!

All the best. x