Could this home situation work?

jellybeen

Hi everyone sorry if this all comes out a bit jumbled Im just very confused at the mo!

I think Im pregnant, very very early in pregnancy but still. If it turns out positive DF and I would be very happy about it as we love children and can't wait to have kids of our own however, i am just coming out of full time education so theres no chance of me getting a job if im pregnant is there. but DF is just about to start a new job which will pay over double what he is earning now so we think we could do it without going down the council route (no offence to anyone who has but I just would rather do it on my own) and if we budgeted carefully i think we could survive on his wage however the job is a nights job.

He would go to work at 10pm and finish at 7am. Im thinking that this could be good because by the time he woke up i would have already gone park/nannys/playgroup with bubba etc in the morning and baby would have had an afternoon nap (heres wishing eh!) so he could get up play with little one, all have dinner as a family, playtime bath and bed for the baby with an hour or so after babys gone to bed.

Am i being deluded in thinking this would work? Has anyone ever had a family with an OH working night shifts? Im thinking i could do a spray tanning course or something similar to supplement our income and living very MSE we could make it work financially?

Any advice/opinions are very welcome! we are 20 and 23 btw if that makes any difference?
xx

kindofagilr

I totally think it could work

And if you are pregnant then a very big congratulations to you

Depending on OH wage you might be entitled to tax credits (OH and I earn 34k a year and according to HMRC website are entitled to £80 a month tax credits and you get £80 a month Child Benefit as well, every little helps)

You can actually go on their website and see if you would qualify (just put a fake dob in for baby) obv dont apply yet but just to see what amounts it would forecast for you

dieselhead

The only issue I can see is that you might not want to be out and about every day, so potentially he could be trying to sleep while you and bubba are in the house, I'm thinking crying, TV noise, housework noises etc. I'm sure this problem can be overcome, perhaps with ear plugs, closing doors, trying to stay out of rooms directly below bedrooms etc, but maybe its something you need to think about.

Congratulations, it sounds really exciting!!

Kaz2904

Don't in any way want to put a downer on you but I'm fresh from an argument with DH.
My DD is 7 nearly 8. She was born at te start of my second year of uni. I worked 3 jobs before I had her, I stopped doing agency after she was born so only went to uni (1 job) and worked in a nursing home (another job). I qualified when she was 10 months and got a job working full time. I was pregnant soon after and had DS when she was 2 yrs 4wks old. I had 6 months off and went back to work. I was put on days for about 6 weeks and then was on nights all the time. Eventually I lost the childcare and went onto permanent nights.
This was eally hard when they were small, DD started preschool and I struggled on kipping on the sofa when they were quiet.
DS went on and started preschool, 2 sessions each day. They didn't offer a lunch club so I made DH pick him up in his lunch break which meant DH had his lunch 11.40-12.40 (early I know!). This meant I could sleep from 9.30- 2.30. Wow 5 hours!
Now DS is at school and I'm still on nights! DH has just said that I always said I'd reduce my hours with each child but haven't. I don't think so. I remeber his Mum saying that I would only go to work part time to let him get a better job and I said I don't think so, I earn more than him and he's happy where he is, he's not ambitious. (Don't think that went down too well).
Pointed out that I stopped agency work when DD was born and said I'd never said it when DS was born. He's mad and ssaying I'm missing out and wants me to ask to just work early shifts (absolutely never going to happen) and no weekends. He will/can not understand how we are allowed to work mainly late shifts, mainly weekends and mainly nights but not mainly earlies. Uh d'oh it's because lates weekends and nights are unpopular shifts unless you've got young kids.
So if I want to come off nights, I will still have to work nights, (still missing out), but will also have to work lates, (Who's going to get the kids from school?, still have to work weekends, (still missing out), and What happens if they are on holiday or off sick r inservice day?

Do you know what is the MOST annoying thing? He said he had to do the most for the kids. Maybe so now (he does get more time with them at weekends, reserved for doing fun stuff) but I don't see a way around. He won't discuss chaninging his working hours or even asking his boss but expects me to do it all. His boss would be happy for him to start working earlier some days because others do and the boss is always there. The only day I couldn't work a late would be a late shift would be a Friday as he's the only person there.

Personally I think I'll just get them to rota me for a month of days in September to see if he can cope with all the changing around. Cause it won't bloody happen. He doesn't know what they go to on what days, who their friends/parents are or how to get them fed a healthy snack after school and keep them satisfied until tea time.
Sorry to come on here and grinch!

JoolzS

Unless you are considering an abortion, your questions are meaningless. You and your OH will or won't cope with the situation.

If you are wondering whether or not to have the baby, then I doubt that this is the best forum for you.

Having lived with someone working nights for around seven years - my advice would be to live to their schedule as much as you can. If you have a job then obviously that's not possible but if you just have a baby then you and the baby can just attempt to live to his schedule (although I'm sure that anyone who's had a baby will tell you that the baby dictates the schedule!).

Good luck.

Julie

ailuro2

Get down to your local Poundland and buy a pregnancy testing kit.

You can have a baby and do shifts, but it's very very tough.

Think on it from your partner's point of view.

Add a one or two bedroom flat with people above and below and through the wall, and you'll know what it's like to have a bad sleep and try to work a nightshift, then go home to a squawking baby and it's freezing/raining so she's not going to go out...

Do all you can to get a house that's semi detached, and live life round the working partner's shifts.

Becles

Sounds good on paper, but with babies things rarely go to plan.

Sorry to point out the negatives, but what happens on bad weather days or if you or baby are ill and you want to stay home.

While baby probably won't make much noise at first, it won't be long before (s)he is moving around and making a noise. You can't tell a baby to shut up as someone is sleeping as they just don't understand.

My hubby works early shifts and comes in around 2-3pm and tries to get a couple of hours kip so he can stay up till a reasonable time on an evening with me. However, our youngest is two but yesterday she was running up and down the hall singing "Pokerface" at the top of her voice while I was busy preparing our tea, and the other two normally come in from school sounding like a herd of elephants. It caused friction at first, but hubby as just had to accept that he can't have absolute peace and quiet.

Also think about school holidays. I don't know where you live, but we live in a small cul-de-sac with many young families around, and there's an open grassy area round the back. There's permanent noise in the school holidays from children playing in the street and on the grass out the back, but it's something else he's had to get used to.

Sorry it all sounds negative but I thought I'd highlight the points that haven't worked out the way my hubby wanted to give you an idea of how things work out. If you go into it expecting your OH to be disturbed, it will be easier than expecting him to have a peaceful sleep each day.

Hippychick

Do you have family nearby that you could go to whilst he is sleeping?

My sister was a nurse and whenever she had a night shift my nephew went round to my Mums to be looked after in order that she could sleep.

pukkamum

my DH has always worked shifts and we have 2 a ds 8 and a dd 2.
We have always found actually that his working shifts works quite nicely with family life.
He does three shifts 6-14, 2-22, 22-6
We find he sees the kids more than he would if working days as he wouldn't be in til 6 or even later and kids would be going bed not long after.
When he is on nights i generally try and go out in the morning and then he gets to spend all aft with us when he gets up.
Even if we can't go out DH is so used to it he sleeps through anything.
when he's on earlies (getting up at 4.30 am!!!) then when he comes in at 2 i just leave him alone til tea time, keeping klids away from him as much as poss to give him a chance to wind down.

jellybeen

Don't apologise for negatives, I want to know all sides.

The sleeping is the issue that I am concerned about because otherwise I think it would be the best situation for us rather than he stay on days but well have less money. OH is one of those sleepers that can drop off in the middle of a riot and sleep through a hurricane ripping through the house! Plus he only really sleeps 5 or 6 hours a night so if he got in and went to sleep at 8 he;d be up by 2 or 3 absolute latest.

and yes i spend half my time round familys houses anyway so with a baby that would be no different if he did need peace one day!

Evansangel

I think it would work

Sounds ok to me.

If you are pregnant congrats! x