Abuse

Claire3121

Not sure where to start but here goes.
When I was 13/14 my friend's dad abused me. My friend lived a few doors away. My brother was friends with her brother. Quite often my brother would come home and tell me that my friend wanted me to go over. I'd get there and she'd still be in bed. Her dad had asked to send me over. He'd try and kiss me,feel my chest etc. Help me on on off with my coat and touch me. I dont know why but I let it happen.Sock I guess... it went on for about a year. I'm now 36. I dont know if he did this to anyone else but I remember rumours.
What worries me now is that I have my friend's brother on facebook. He posted some pics and my friend(tho i've not seen/spoken to her for years),has a little girl. The dad had his arm around her waiste and it kind of opened up all these feelings about waht happened. I'm worried that he could be doing the same thing to the girl. Not sure what to do....

Evansangel

Honestly, i think you should speak to the police. Maybe your friend to if you feel you can?

(((hugs)))

xx

angelicmary85

Claire I'm sorry to hear what happened to you, it must of been awful but maybe now is the time to open up and tell hubby?

Do you think anyone from your friends family would believe you if you told them?

RadoJo

Wow - that's a tricky one, but I didn't want to read and run!
I would suggest talking to someone professionally in the first instance - maybe go to your GP? - so that you can begin to resolve your own feelings about this. Whatever decision you make about how to proceed, you want to do it with as clear a head as possible, and without running the risk of damaging your own mental health along the way. It's imposssible for me to say what course of action is most appropriate, but whatever you do, you should ensure that you have the support of someone who will be able to provide a listening ear to you independently of anyone else who may be involved in the situation.

Claire3121

angelicmary85 wrote: »

Claire I'm sorry to hear what happened to you, it must of been awful but maybe now is the time to open up and tell hubby?

Do you think anyone from your friends family would believe you if you told them?

My husband knows. They were also friends of the family. I told my parents and they didn't believe me. They even wanted them to come to our wedding and I put my foot down. Parents moved out of the area years ago but they still send eachother christmas cards. That hurts soo much. To be honest,I had forgotten about it for years(or blocked it out) until recently. I havent seen or spoken to that friend for years. I confided in a schoolfriend years ago and she ended up telling her. She confronted me and I had to tell her I made it up. We wernt friends after that.

jetcat

Claire3121 wrote: »

Not sure where to start but here goes.
When I was 13/14 my friend's dad abused me. My friend lived a few doors away. My brother was friends with her brother. Quite often my brother would come home and tell me that my friend wanted me to go over. I'd get there and she'd still be in bed. Her dad had asked to send me over. He'd try and kiss me,feel my chest etc. Help me on on off with my coat and touch me. I dont know why but I let it happen.Sock I guess... it went on for about a year. I'm now 36. I dont know if he did this to anyone else but I remember rumours.
What worries me now is that I have my friend's brother on facebook. He posted some pics and my friend(tho i've not seen/spoken to her for years),has a little girl. The dad had his arm around her waiste and it kind of opened up all these feelings about waht happened. I'm worried that he could be doing the same thing to the girl. Not sure what to do....

Hi Claire,

you must be going through all kinds of emotions - hope you're ok. A similar thing happened to me a few years back, and when i found pictures of him with his grandchildren who were the same age as me when it was happening IYKWIM, i felt i had to do something. I eventually went to the police child and family protection unit, who were great (unlike previously, though that's another story). Basically, if your area is like mine, you can inform them of his name, and your suspicions (and reason for suspicion - though they shouldnt pressure you into doing anything you're not ready for - if that is a worry for you). The seargant i spoke to said they will input the info on to the computer, so that if any complaint is ever made, that info will be very important.

I did feel like i had took some power back from him, and dont regret informing the police for one moment!

Hope my experience helps you to decide what course of action you most feel comfortable with.

princessamy86

This is an awful situation, but I have to second Evansangel and suggest you approach the police. If you can stop it happening again then it would surely be the best thing you could do. I can imagine how hard this must be for you, I don't really know how it would all work but if you can even raise a "red flag" with the police or social services then it might help in future. ((Hugs)) for you, it's a really horrible situation.

McKneff

this is major for you claire -
I wouldnt hesitate to speak to the police. Like you say he may be still doing it and i would almost certainly he is still doing it. They wil question other children who he is in contact with and they would possibly back up what you have said.

Doesnt matter whether the friends family believe you or not - you know the truth and that's all that matters.

You will need to be brave and my heart goes out to you.
Good luck.

RoxieW

I have been in a similar situation. I reported stepdad to police after i had left home as I was seeing signs of his attentions turning to my younger sisters. He went to prison and I was outcast from the family - havent seen my mum or sisters since - they loved him as he was their 'dad'. Such is the hold this man has over them.
I lost my family which still hurts but I couldnt live with the alternative which was to do nothing - as noone had dared speak up for me when i was growing up I had to speak up for them.
How would you feel if something did come out about this girl? Even if it never did come out - could you live with the doubt.
It may not make you popular - although my concerns were backed up by evidence police found relating to my sisters - I was still told by many family members - my mum, nan etc that I should have let it lie.
Sorry I knew I couldnt live with myself that way. Have the courage to shout out. There is too much secrecy shrouds this issues. Dont fall into the trap of thinking 'not my problem'.You could be the difference between something awful happening to a little girl and this mans card being marked. good luck. be strong. feel free to pm me for support

Glamazon

I have had no experience of this but I think you need to think about how you would feel should you find out he was abusing this young girl. You'd be devastated knowing that you could have done something about it.
Why not just go and talk to the police or child protection unit about your concerns?
You never know others might have come forward so they might already be aware of him.

Hugs to you

jetcat

just to say, you may be able to remain anonymous, to prevent fall out from family. Its awful when that happens, and I hope everyone who has been brave enough to post their own experience on here is doing ok x

Take care x