i just want to give up!

prettypoppyknickers

Hello
I don’t know what to type or say tbh I just needed some advice.
For about a year or so I have just felt like there is no point to life not in a suicidal way just in an "I am a blob way".
This evening my partner came home from work and just started telling me that I should tidy what have I done today (I went to work in the afternoon for a few hours and the other hours I spent in the sun with my son) well I have enough of him nagging me so went into my sons bedroom after crying over nothing important and just felt I was being stupid.
Last night I saw some friends who said they were thinking about moving to new Zealand and my partner said that if he was single he would have gone years ago
which made me start to think that I had held him back due to my son not being his and the fact that I know cant have anymore children when he really wants them and the fact that he would love to live in new zeland but i wouldn't has just made me think should I let him go for the sake of himself?
But then I feel I am being selfish and as he tells me I need to get out of this state because he can’t take much more of me like this which is understandable I can’t take me anymore either.
So when he came in the bedroom I pretended to be asleep because I didn’t want to talk as I was to upset regarding the fact that my only two best friends were seriously thinking about moving abroad and the comment my partner made and he decided because I was ignoring him to hit or kick my sons storage boxes smashing them all and then going out of the room so I ended up crying again and then he come in the room after telling me he was going to buy me flowers today but didn’t bother because I would just say o they’re only die (which I wouldn’t actually I’d actually cry at such a kind gesture) and forget to water them.
I have no motivation in life to do anything and I only work one afternoon a week and no matter how many I apply for I get nothing.
Well when we were arguing I said if it wasn’t for my son I wouldn’t be here and that ds is the only reason I am happy.
I just feel so lost empty worthless and all I want is a cuddle from my son who is at a friend’s house.
Sorry this email is so long spent half hour typing and crying because I don’t know what to do?
Do I let him go for his own good why should I drag him down with me or do I ? what I just don’t know! :’(

love2shopforbargains

I really don't know what to say but am sure others will be along with words of wisdom and some advice soon. I just didn't want to read and run especially as I felt so moved reading it.

Bella79

i think you should go and see a dr hun and talk over how your feeling , i can sympathise with some of the points u mentioned ive been in a simlar situation myself
How about getting yourself motivated by joining a local gym/group maybe night school ?
sorry dont know what else to say except sending you my best wishes
x

prettypoppyknickers

i think i shall just print this off because when ever i go to the doctors i put up the usual poppy front and end up smiling through it rather than exploding like i did then in that letter.

thanks for your replies though

grossbeak

You sound really low, are you depressed do you think? Can you explain things to your GP? They may be able to suggest a course of action that will help get you in a better frame of mind. Your partner sounds a bit of a knob tbh and his attitude isn't doing either of you any good. Would he consider counselling (for both of you) if there was something available locally? A year is a long time to be feeling so bad, I hope you find a way to enjoy life again.

BillTrac

prettypoppyknickers,

firstly, I thanked you , but only to admire your strength in posting.

dont despair. Being a man there will be plenty of people saying I dont know what it feels like, but believe me I do.I know it is easy for someone distant from your problems to say that,but I really mean it.

Basically, what I am saying is you may be depressed, and are crying out for warmth from your OH, and could do with some help.

Go to your GP, they can help you know. Otherwise is there some one you can talk to? I cant talk to anyone, have no close friends etc but feel if I could it would help.

Do not give up, every human being has a worth, and that includes you especially.

Twinkles08

Hello,it does sound like you are depressed,which is making everything such hard work and makes it all seem pointless.It also can make you quite insecure about yourself although your OH isn't being v reassuring.Perhaps he doesn't know what to do?Men like to fix things,they're not so good at the talking side.I really think you need to visit your gp.Maybe start with 'I'm feeling really down'.Big hugs

Mrs_Boo_Boo

Hi there Hun. Just read your post and couln't run away. It really sounds like you are depressed. Although pills are not the only answer it may give you that little bit of a hold on everything. You may be offered counselling too but there could be a waiting list. Have you thought about going to Relate with your partner? or on your own if he's not into that. I think your partner is also suffering in his own way remember men don't cry they get angry!!!! He's more than likely suffering because as a way of coping you may have physically and subconsciously withdrawn from him. Don't underestimate his feelings either especially about the baby thing. I had a failed IVF in Dec and my husband was totally distraught whereas I was trying to keep positive and philisophical but it staill caught up on me.
Take care luv there is a way out. Do you have a close friend you can let off steam to who will be non judgemental and understanding. Exercise is a good start cos it will help to raise you endorphines etc even if it is a short 20 min walk round the block.
Your partner probably never meant his comment about New Zealand and going on his own. I may have got brilliant A level grades if I hadn't met my husband at the time and couldn't be arsed but it wasn't the end of the world and I'm still with him now.
Could you broach the subject to your partner in a calm and adult way and give yourselves both time to give each other's slant on the situation? I wish you the best of luck.
Hugs and best wishes

msb5262

Hi Poppy,
I agree with the wise posters above me - it does sound as if you're depressed. You're going round in circles and making yourself feel worse...but you've taken a really brave step in posting here and saying how you're feeling. Please go and see your GP, and don't be scared or ashamed; it's normal for most people to suffer from depression at some stage in their lives, and when your children are young is known to be a hard time for many parents even though paradoxically it's also a very good time in other ways.
Hope you will seek some help and support soon - you'll find your GP is very used to patients arriving feeling as you're feeling. I've been where you are now, and I can tell you that things will get much better, hopefully starting now.
All the best,
MsB

Primrose

You don't say how old your son is, but could you be suffering from post natal depression? First of all, it's important to see your doctor. But in some ways you can be your own doctor and try to make your own life feel more worthwhile. Why do you feel so useless? Could you take responsibility for yourself to try and find more activities to give your life some purpose? Are there some groups around you which you could join to take up some new interests? Check in your local library as they often list organisations and local activities. Your boyfriend is obviously feeling frustrated and resentful that he is currently unable to follow his long term ambition and as the child is not his, some might say he has not moral reason to stay with you. However, he is still here with you at the moment. So it's up to you to make him feel he WANTS TO STAY simply because of who you are, and how you make him feel. However depressed you feel, try to take a few small positive steps every day to adopt a more positive outlook on life, to make him feel cherished and to let him know that he is valued. It won't be easy. Take a walk together this week-end. Enjoy the sunshine. Watch the birds. Plan a picnic. Start acting as a family again and perhaps you will both discover what you think you have lost.

epsilondraconis

Hi prettypoppyknickers,

Sorry to hear you're having a bad time. Think of today as the day you made a positive change in your life.

Communication, communication, communication.

I'm no expert in these matters; however you need to sit down with your OH and talk. How about the two of you each making a list and writing on that list all of the things that upset / annoy you at the moment and also write down all of the things that you would love to do / improve about your lives i.e. the good things in life that are currently missing e.g. going out on family days out such as going for a picnic.

Both of you sit down and you both promise each other that you will stay calm and relaxed throughout all of this. You will each have a chance to have your say and work through the lists. Each give yourself 5 minutes on the list of the annoying things and 5 minutes on the things on your good things to do list. Whilst the person is going through their list the other person is to say nothing - they can make notes though. The other person then has their turn to go through their lists.

Once the lists are complete, you each have 5 minutes where you say nothing to one another and just sit and think about what you have heard.

Then begin communicating and work out how you can change things.

I suspect not only you are depressed but your OH is as well. As you say, you can't have any more children and you think you are therefore holding him back. Ask him if he feels this way.

Regarding the children situation, I'm sure there is absolutely nothing you can do to change that. Therefore you need to put that one to the back of your mind and ensure he puts it to the back of his mind. Once you've discussed it, move onto things that you can change.

It sounds like you both need to talk, have a more positive mindset and be more positive about yourselves and each other.

Good luck.