Unusual situation?

blonde36er

Amontylado wrote: »

Any suggestions as to how we deal with this problem...
We have a close family friend who moved away a few years ago, and now has a partner and children (he never married but asked my OH to be best man if he did!). We keep in touch and he stays with us when here on business but we've never met his partner and children. We'd love to invite him to our wedding but as always there are limits on numbers and there are no other children coming. Would it be acceptable to send an invitation just to him or would that be very bad form? I know he'd feel quite hurt if not invited, or just invited to the evening do, and we do want him to be there for the whole thing...but...if the family come too then that means 3 real friends will have to be excluded. Help!

We've sent invitations to people but not their partners - colleagues from work, cousins, friends. Some people did get a bit uppity but once we explained we wanted it to be close family and friends only and that we didn't want to spend our wedding day being introduced to various new people, they were on the whole very understanding. If you're close to him then pop a little note in to explain? Or are you less restricted on numbers for the evening - could you make an exception for his partner and children for the evening part of the celebration?

weeclick

blonde36er wrote: »

We've sent invitations to people but not their partners - colleagues from work, cousins, friends. Some people did get a bit uppity but once we explained we wanted it to be close family and friends only and that we didn't want to spend our wedding day being introduced to various new people, they were on the whole very understanding. If you're close to him then pop a little note in to explain? Or are you less restricted on numbers for the evening - could you make an exception for his partner and children for the evening part of the celebration?

As Im only 20 my mum and dad were always getting wedding invites that didnt include my or my brother and sister. Infact even after I turned 18 - my godmother got married, my parents got an invite to the ceremony and reception the kids only got invites to the evening (by kids I mean 18,19,23) so I always thought this was the norm as it was always just invites for mum and dad - I never had a problem with it personally so maybe you could invite your friend and partner and invite the kids to the evening part?

MsChazzer

That all sounds a bit embarrassing, they could have made it clearer. I was once invited to an evening reception but the bride put a note in saying I could also attend the service if I wanted, so I knew where I stood.

kelda_shelton

Amontylado wrote: »

Any suggestions as to how we deal with this problem...
We have a close family friend who moved away a few years ago, and now has a partner and children (he never married but asked my OH to be best man if he did!). We keep in touch and he stays with us when here on business but we've never met his partner and children. We'd love to invite him to our wedding but as always there are limits on numbers and there are no other children coming. Would it be acceptable to send an invitation just to him or would that be very bad form? I know he'd feel quite hurt if not invited, or just invited to the evening do, and we do want him to be there for the whole thing...but...if the family come too then that means 3 real friends will have to be excluded. Help!

Id invite the couple all day but not the kids and make it clear the kids could come at night (if you ahve room). if hes a good friend to the point hes asked your OH to be a BM, I'd say that uits etiquette to invite th aprtner - even if you havent met her. (It weold be different if they lived nerby and you hadn't met)

lch_2

I'm getting married this Saturday. We sent out two different types of invitations;

Day invites for our family and friends that are coming to the church and the sit-down meal.
Evening invites everyone else.
On the evening invites, its starts by inviting them to the evening reception, gives the venue details and time, then goes on to say the wedding ceremony details and time.
After that it says " All are welcome to attend the marriage ceremony, but please be aware that an intimate family meal will take place in between the ceremony and the Evening Reception."

I hope this is clear enough! I don't want everyone turning up for a meal they aren't having!

LMB1980

Whilst planning my wedding I'd see this a lot on a wedding forum I took part in. A lot of people seem to be doing that nowadays but everyone on there seemed to think the best thing was to make the invitation for the evening do only and then either mention informally or add a note saying that they welcome at the church to watch the ceremony if they wish. At least that way that makes it clear you aren't invited to the meal. I think it's terrible they did this!

LMB1980

Amontylado wrote: »

Any suggestions as to how we deal with this problem...
We have a close family friend who moved away a few years ago, and now has a partner and children (he never married but asked my OH to be best man if he did!). We keep in touch and he stays with us when here on business but we've never met his partner and children. We'd love to invite him to our wedding but as always there are limits on numbers and there are no other children coming. Would it be acceptable to send an invitation just to him or would that be very bad form? I know he'd feel quite hurt if not invited, or just invited to the evening do, and we do want him to be there for the whole thing...but...if the family come too then that means 3 real friends will have to be excluded. Help!

Will he know anyone else there? I invited all my friends with their partners to our wedding as I think serious partners should be invited BUT, I do also think that every bride and groom need to do things their way so if I was invited without my husband I'd totally understand that they had their reasons for doing that. However, if I wasn't friends with anyone else there, I would decline the invite as I'd find it awful being on my own and only knowing the bride and groom who will be busy all day. I suppose that wouldn't bother some people though.

shellnapier

i agree him and partner , kids at night, have had this invite my self, no problem

PolishBigSpender

In Poland there are two kinds of invitations: "real invitations" - for the church service and the reception, and "information invitations", which mean you're only invited to the church, but not to the wedding. After all, the church ceremony is most important of it all!
The only weird thing for me is being invited to the evening do, but not to the reception itself.

kr15snw

Have been invited to evening parties before with notes on the bottom saying all guests are more than welcome to attend the ceremony at so and so venue (normally tends to be churches as generally they are bigger) at so and so time.

But to be honest I think the invite was badly written And I can understand your mix up

I'd be miffed if it was me, but at the same time wouldnt be.

Does that make sense?

Regarding to the other poster about the friends / kids situation. We have a similar one. We have a friend coming from Denmark to our wedding with his wife and kids. Ive met him a handfull of times and hes one oh OH's best buds. Ive never met his wife but OH has met her once or twice (in lead up to their wedding and at their wedding).

We have invited both of them to the wedding itself, but the kids only to the evening. They understand this as to be honest were so tight for room the only kids who have been invited are our neices. All other kids are evening only.

So far everyone has been very happy with this arrangement

Advice from me is to talk to them first, discuss the possibility with them before sending the invite