Unusual situation?

Mrs_Boo_Boo

Having not been to a wedding for over 10years I wondered if this situation was a new thing?
Went to a wedding yesterday. It was the daughter of a friend whom we have known for a long time.My husband used to work with her Dad. Got the invitation and booked a room at the hotel as a special treat.
Went to the church and enjoyed the service. Then drove to the venue and soted out our room before everyone else arrived. We were with another couple who checked out the venue whilst we were busy. They came to us and said that they couldn't find any of our names on the tables!!!! I just thought this was a mistake and we could check when the others arrived.When my husband checked with his friend he said we were only invited to the church and evening do but we could hang around the bar. The wife of the other couple was horrified and felt very uncomfortable and because the venue did not have another private room for us to go we ended up driving to a local pub in all our finery and eating a pastie because by this time it was 3.30 and they'd stopped serving food. The other couple then left as they couldn't wait til 7:30 when the evening do started (they also lived over 25 miles away). Luckily my husband and I went up to our room to relax and watch TV and attended the evening do, but I think I would have done the same if we hadn't booked a room!! In fact if I knew we were only invited to the evening event I think I would have driven home and not had a drink and I certainly would not have attended the church service.
What do other people think? Is this a usual occurance now? I did think it strange that we had been invited to the whole thing as we are pretty low in the pecking order and I know weddings are so expensive.

debs2327

!!!!!!!!! i find that very strange that the bride and groom didnt make sure that certain ppl didnt know they were not invited to the reception !!, i think if you are invited to the church then you are invited to the reception unless its stated ie like they are having small family gathering .
was anything said about after the the church service prior leading up to the wedding ? i hope you managed to have a nice time anyway but think i would be quite stunned too if nothing was said about only being invited to the church and evening

im having 45 ppl to my ceremony only due to limited space allowed but i have invited everyone to the reception straight after the ceremony but i am putting a not into the evening invites ( guests not invited to ceremony are receving evening invites so they dont get confused ) apologising that i couldnt invite them to ceremony due to limited numbers but would love them to be part of the reception ! x

Mrs_Boo_Boo

Nothing was said after the church service and we did scarper pretty quickly due to the cold wind. On checking the invites,they are correct and they give the time of the wedding and the church and then it says we would also like to invite you to the evening do. I think it would have said 'and afterwards at' if we'd been invited to the reception.Oh well still made the best of it and had a good time.

babybug

A friend of my mum's did this to some of the guests at her wedding, it was all very strange. Although she'd specified that they were invited to the church, and to the evening, she didn't specify that they weren't invited to the reception/meal, which led to a lot of confusion.

Honestly, I don't think I'd have understood that I was not invited to the middle bit of the day based on the way it was put together.

Also, it seems kinda strange to me to send some of the guests off for a while, not sure if it's becoming more common, as this is the only other time I've heard of it.

staffie1

I think I would have been quite offended by that to be honest. Did you notice who else was allowed to the reception? Was it just family or were there other of the bride and groom's friends there?

Mrs_Boo_Boo

I'm not sure about the other guests as we didn't really know many people. Think it was mainly family and I think there were a few close friends. As far as I know the four of us were the only ones who turned up at the reception although I guess there could have been others who attended the service and turned up at the evening do and we didn't notice.

Volcano

I think it's becoming the norm now, as the reception costs 'per head', so if it is necessary to cut any costs of the wedding, this is where it can be done without having any impact on the quality of the wedding itself.

Awkward if you've travelled a long way, but then it is someone else's big day after all!

staffie1

I think they should have clarified it with you beforehand though. Perhaps a small note on the invitation pointing out that the reception is for close family/friends, to save any embarrassment.
I would naturally assume that if I was invited to the church service, I was automatically invited to the reception after.

Alikay

I though the norm was to just send an "evening invitation" to the guests you're not having to the main daytime reception. An announcement in the local paper is the usual way of stating "all friends welcome at the church" for those people you'd be happy enough to see turn up, but aren't asking to the reception (which of course includes the Evening Only guests, should they wish to see the ceremony). It seems very rude to specifically invite individuals to the ceremony without including them in the reception - I just hope it didn't end up costing you too much in accommodation, outfits and a present, as well as your pasty down the pub!

cte1111

I had friends who did this a few years ago, mainly so the church would look nice and full for the ceremony, but they couldn't afford everybody to go to the meal. It was at least clear beforehand, but I still thought it was odd. I was actually allowed to go to the meal part, but I wasn't allowed to bring my partner with me, if he had come then he would have had to find somewhere to hang around by himself for several hours. So I had to go alone.

shellnapier

thats is very strange i have astrage issue with my wedding... how would you feel if i was invintg you to my wedding, as i dont want same thing

Family are to be invited to cermony, meal and dance
Closest freinds - meal and dance
Not so close - dance

this is because cermony only holds 40 so its strictly famiy only...

if we put this clearyl on invites for like

Your are invited to join us for a meal and thereafterwards reception as Fifelodge Hotel banff etc etc is this oka?