Divorce - Please Help

jockettuk

kiwichick

just to send hugs to you and your 3 little ones xxx

rose

foreign_correspondent

kiwichick, hope its all going ok, stay strong, I know its a tough time, but it won't always be - all things must pass x

RosaBernicia

Hi Kiwichick

I haven't anything practical to add but didn't want to read and run so hugs to you and your little ones :grouphug:

Rosa xx

kiwichick

Hello All,

Just wanted to post as I'm beyond fed up with ex. Today is his pre arranged time (6.00pm-7.30pm) for seeing the children. He moaned and moaned that the times suggested by me werent enough, I'd already put in twice as many hours as social services suggested but added another time also. And hes not sodding well turned up!!!!! I'm so glad I didnt tell them he was coming as they would have been gutted. I'm not phoning him, I'm going to wait and see how long it takes for him to realise. What a PRAT!!!!!!!!!!!

Al x

kiwichick

AAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHH

So he didnt turn up at 6pm as agreed, no, instead he let himself in at just after 9pm!!!!!! Said he was here to collect the chicken for his salad- WHAT???

I said to him, "you should have been here at 6" he said to me, "alison (his friend(!) didnt serve dinner until 7 and I told you I wasnt coming".

He said no such thing. He said to me "there has to be some flexibility" in terms of the visitation. This after having him have a go at me for the days and times I had thought about for his visits.

My friend was here when he arrived and could even look at him let alone speak to him. She and another friend have advised me to change the locks. I'll phone the lawyer in the morning to see were I stand on this front as it is still his house and I have no legal right to exclude him.

He sent me a text 2 minutes after he had left which said"whats with the agressive attitude, I thought we were working together on this" He was too gutless to have it out with me while my friend was here but not above sending me texts which he knew would upset me.

I really dont want all of this to turn nasty with the children invovled but I have social services, my lawyer and my friends saying to me what a !!!!!! he is and how my children and I deserve more. I dont know what to think or feel. I know there forums arent for venting and using as a diary of sorts so I am sorry to the devs and if you need to remove my posts then please do. I just dont know what to do.

Al x

foreign_correspondent

hi, Don't get too stressed by this - it seems to be indicitive of his determination to manipulate the situation to gain the upper hand (ie. he will turn up just when he likes with no warning) and then blame you for not 'working together'...!

Stay cool, dont let him rattle you, talk to social services and the lawyers before making any big changes. Make a diary of all this too if you can, so that you can evidence how you have tried to be reasonable and that he is being less than reasonable. Would social services be able to supervise contact at all to support you?

Were the kids in bed by the time he arrived? After 9 does not seem to be a suitable time to visit to see young children!

BitterAndTwisted

I don't know but it sounds like abuser-husband is using the visits just to terrorise Kiwichick, not to see his children or he wouldn't pitch up at 9pm or slob around watching TV when he could be spending quality-time with his little darlings.. Personally, I wouldn't entertain him entering the house without another adult present. I'd also get the damned locks changed right away. THE SWINE IS AN ABUSER, he has no right to come and go as he pleases, how dare he?

It sounds to me like the suspicion of abuse of the children night be more about the sexual abuse of their mother which they witnessed rather than any they suffered themselves, poor little mites.

Kiwichick have you been in touch with the refuge which was recommended to you earlier? I dunno where you're getting the strength to deal with it like this, I'd have bought a ruddy gun by now

xmaslolly76

Kiwi if the house is in joint names then he can move back in when ever he wants but as far as i am aware if he has moved out he doesnt have the right to just walk in when ever he feels like it so yes i would get the locks changed pronto.

It seems to me he is trying to play mind games with you and is in no way bothered about seeing the kids but more in making you a nervous wreck so dont let him.

Keep strong Kiwi you are doing so well :-) xx

AussieLass

I've just stumbled across this thread. I don't have any practical advise but just sending you positive and loving vibes across the miles. I know you've been struggling for a few years and I'm saddened to know it's come to this.

Hope you find the strength and support to help you. xxx

jockettuk

these forums are for help and advice and support so if you feel the need to vent some anger and frustration please do as i wish i could have done that with my divorce... somewere to get all that pent up anger our and clear your head..

Lots of people on here will give you lots of advice others just want to send there best wishes so please carry on if you feel the need to post and let others give you the advice you need xx

hugs xx